I tend to be shy in unfamiliar social situations, but for group projects in school I was pretty much always nominated to be group leader. And as an adult, in office meetings I usually make sure to ask a couple of really good questions, and people come to me afterwards and thank me for saying what nobody else would say. I would guess I’m known for being logical, intelligent, and well-spoken–but a wallflower outside of work/class. I just don’t usually say anything unless I have a strong opinion, and I’m in a setting where I am 100% sure I’ll be listened to. Part of the problem is I’m loath to verbally judge people because I don’t want them to feel bad (and we all have to find our own paths in life, etc). But, on the inside, I am *very *judgmental. I get SO sick of people who whine constantly about their kids and relationships–I don’t have kids, and I’ve always gotten out of shitty relationships before they lasted too long, so it’s impossible for me to sympathize with people who I perceive to be more emotional (weaker) than me. At the same time, I realize that I’m a jerk on the inside, so I don’t subject people to myself. If that makes sense.
In essence, I’m not good friend material, but I’m a great co-worker and student.
Depends very much on the group, the context, and the length of time I spend with them.
People don’t ignore me much. I’m visually striking and I have a distinctive dress sense, so I’m easy to pick out of a crowd. Randoms strike up conversations with me in line and on public transit. So apparently I look like someone friendly or tolerant or whatever it is that prompts the sort of people that talk to strangers to pick me as the stranger to talk to. I mostly don’t mind, unless they’re super creepy or something.
In groups, it varies. I can be very loud and opinionated, but whether that makes people like me or hate me depends on what kind of group it is. In social groups, it can be less than popular, but I once had an entire class of people elect me Leader of Everything after having spent exactly two 50-minute class periods with me, and I wasn’t even talking for most of that. I guess in working groups it’s more useful.
Through long and painful experience, I have sort of learned how to keep my yap shut, but unless the reason I’m supposed to be doing it is “not to hurt someone else very badly” or “not to be fired/injured/killed” I usually find it more trouble than it’s worth. It takes a lot of energy for me to be truly diplomatic, and socially I prefer to hang around people who want my unadulterated opinions. Some people don’t like it, and I try to politely bow out of making them spend time with me whenever possible.
Most people like me and I like most people. I’m very nice to nice people and very much the ass to the asses. Most folks aren’t asses. I do tend to speak my mind though. Children and animals love me and that’s great because I think they are the best and most pure affection.
I think so. I like them. I love talking to people; I always learn something. Or at least get to enjoy them for awhile. Old men in the grocery store ask me how to make recipes (that I bet their deceased wives used to make.) Young guys ask me, too. Maybe I give off a vibe that I’ve raised boys (men) and won’t laugh that they consider ramien noodles a food group.
Old women (my age!) commiserate about rising prices, hemlines and eyebrows.
Kids come up to me.
Example: standing in the pharmacy line at Walmart, a woman 10 or 15 years my junior confided that she’d remembered at the last minute that she had to get her pills refilled before going on vacation. That her husband had been working long hours for years and they finally had the chance to get away for awhile. That her friends thought they should be going to “this” place and “that” place but as a matter of fact, they’d been saving for a long time in order to afford this vacation. She showed me her purse that would go with anything, anywhere.
FWIW, I have always considered you the kind of person I would want sitting across from me at the kitchen table, giggling and gossiping while we eat pie.
What I’ve found is, people tend to like me a lot or not at all.
I have been blessed with some extraordinary good friends. When I was very sick I found just how many good friends I had. The number of people who supported me was incredible.
I really appreciate people like that, too. I’m getting better at figuring out all the social dances people do, but it’s so easy to be around people who don’t play any games.
You’re the opposite of me - I’m quite good at sending out a, “I’m really not interested in striking up a conversation with strangers” vibe.
To answer the OP, I think people generally like me. I don’t go out of my way to make them like me, but I don’t go out of my way to make them dislike me, either.
I don’t know. I grew up in a house where I was constantly told the things that were wrong with me. I grew up not liking myself.
I tend to avoid people in my age group and I hate social situations (though when at a cocktail party or something, I function perfectly - it’s just a matter of showing up). I am very good at political campaigns, being a teacher, dealing with parents, being diplomatic with the boss, etc., but getting personal with people? Ick.
I’m nice, generous, smart, and funny, but I am weird. I’m okay with keeping people at arm’s length. My family is included. Right now there’s a Mother’s Day dinner about to happen at my aunt’s and I think I’ll stay home because 1) I have work to do and 2) I hate crowds. Even if that crowd is my own family. Too many people packed into one house, too many kids screeching…ugh. And the drama and gossip and…bleh.
I’m good at getting people to like me, but I don’t like the effort it takes. My students love me, the old folks adore me (I volunteer), my kid adores me. I’ve never been a fan of my own age bracket, though.
I will say that my interactions with people online are quite different than IRL. Here, I’m a social idiot. IRL, I can function fine. I just prefer to be alone.
I would expect the results of this thread to skew towards being liked because that is the natural state of a human being. Most people are inherently likeable, to some degree. We’re social animals; we want to be liked, and we want to like others.
I have met very few people IRL who are genuinely unlikeable. Even the few people - and it’s a very few - who I personally dislike usually have lots of people who like them despite my opinion being different.
I agree with this, but the subtext of my question is DO YOU THINK people like you, not “are you objectively likeable.” I know and like bunches of people who say right out loud that people don’t like them, they are afraid to speak up in groups because they’ll make people mad, they keep the peace and don’t rock the boat because if they let their real selves out, people would reject them.
So it’s interesting to read what people have been saying about how they think they come across to others based on the others’ reactions.
I’m too quiet to be wildly popular but I’m fairly well liked. When I do feel like talking, people generally respond in a positive way, and I’m pretty good at getting people to laugh. But I’m rarely the sort of person who dominates a conversation or captivates a crowd because I generally am more interested in what other people have to say than speaking myself.
I have the ability to be so un-noticed, I am almost invisible. A New Age woo-woo type I know who witnessed it said “You can make your aura totally disappear.”
I’m extremely shy but quite friendly. I’m not one of those hugger types that generally tend to annoy me so I have that as a plus. Unless you like huggers.
My one negative is I’m so shy I get nervous and tend to forget names or details because I’m so worried about saying the wrong thing or moving the wrong way.
I think most people like me okay, at least on a superficial level. But I’ve never been able to keep a long term relationship with anyone other than my husband.
