Do "reunions" unsettle you too? Why or why not?

I just got an invitation to attend a graduate school “reunion” of sorts. I graduated 12 years ago. My grad advisor just asked me if I was going to go, and I told her I would think about it. But I don’t know. I don’t want to go, but I can’t pinpoint exactly why.

I mean, yeah, I have mixed feelings about grad school. It was a low-grade torture chamber to be sure, but I do have some fond memories from that time. I didn’t make any lasting friendships, but I didn’t make enemies either. And I haven’t done too bad for myself. Really, there’s no reason I shouldn’t have lots of nostalgia for those days. And yet I don’t. I’m not at all excited about seeing all those “old” faces that I’ve put behind me and forgotten.

The only explanation I can think of is that I always feel like I’m in a work-in-progress. When I see myself as I was 12 years ago, I see someone who wasn’t put together yet. I guess I’m not looking forward to walking down memory lane with the people who remember when I was a hot mess.

And why do I want to put myself in the position where I might be tempted to compare my success against others?

Do you attend school reunions? If so, what motivates you to go? If not, how come? I’m trying to figure out how out in left field my feelings are.

I think you’ve captured my motives. I don’t really want to revisit my indecisive, messed up youth.

In addition, I’m still in touch, more or less, with those that I want to be. I don’t really want to go play “mine is better than yours” or be made to feel that I should have done more, with a side helping of “gosh, you look older”.

I’m already a little too self-conscious about some things. I figure I’ll wait another 20 years, when, hopefully, it will have evened out. :stuck_out_tongue:

I’m with you, and for me it’s a part of an overall uneasiness with social interaction in general. I tend to imagine the negative and the worse side of things rather than being inspired by the potential bright side. When it’s something I pretty much have to go to, I comfort myself by saying I’m an adult and if I don’t like it, I have my car and don’t have to stay. (a good reason I avoid carpooling to events!)

I know you’re not asking for advice, but what the heck, I typed it out!: For this event in particular, do you think you are dwelling on the reasons not to go and not imagining the possible positive sides of it as a general pattern? You’ve certainly given some good reasons, in particular “I’m not at all excited about seeing all those “old” faces that I’ve put behind me and forgotten”. If this is a measured opinion of how you feel about it, it seems perfectly valid to have moved on and not have an interest. If you had wanted to stay in touch with them, you would have. I enjoyed grad school in some ways too but it was a long time ago and digging it back up isn’t an interest of mine.

I have yet to attend any reunions for any school I attended. I was tempted one time to go to a 20-year one for the high school class I was in, but decided it was too much of a hassle. Other than that one I haven’t been tempted.

The closest I have come is wanting to ask one of my friends from that class to send me an updated obituary! I know it’s morbid but that’s how I relate to those years.

I don’t see the problem. Hire a stretch limo and an escort, buy some fake bling, and practice looking bored while prattling about Bora Bora.

Never. Those were the worst goddamn years of my life.

The idea of seeing those fucking monsters doesn’t “unsettle” me, it totally unhinges me.

(Jack Vance, in “The Book of Dreams,” wrote a charming scene where a guy goes back to his old school reunion…with a gang of heavily armed private thugs. Hm… What’s the going rate for a mob of ruthless minions?)

Intellectually, I know if I were to go, it would be at least an “okay” experience. I know I’d dread it like I always do, but I’d likely end up saying afterwards, “That wasn’t so bad!”

Another reason I don’t want to go is that it’s just a one-day event. I don’t want to travel all the way up there (six hour train ride) just for that. But that sounds like a lame excuse, since I could always go up a day early and enjoy the city (NYC is just a subway ride away).

This. Simply thinking about that period of my life makes me angry. I certainly don’t want to ever have anything whatsoever to do with anyone from back then.

don’t like reunions, mostly skip them.

The main reason is, it’s just not the kind of social event I enjoy…standing around chatting with drinks in hand.

I have worked long and hard to overcome my social awkwardness and shyness and I can do parties like that. I can make small talk, draw people out, tell funny anecdotes, gracefully leave one conversation and ease my way into another.

I can do it, but I don’t like it. I just don’t get much out of it. I used to force myself to go to events like this because I felt like I needed the practice, I needed to get over my fear of them. Now I’m over it and I just don’t care for them.

Whether you go, or not, doesn’t matter. If you don’t go, I promise you that those who do will spend the evening neither bemoaning your absence nor talking shit about you. I doubt they remember you as “a hot mess.” I doubt they remember you much at all. At the time, they were almost certainly focused on their own goals and their own problems. They had actual lives that consisted of more than observing your drama. Go or don’t go. Either way, just remember that the evening isn’t all about you.

I skip reunions because I remember very few names and have little in common with any of my former classmates. I also recognize that few of them will remember me or have much in common with me. We are the main characters only in our own lives

nope. the only invitation I’ve ever received was for my HS 10 year reunion, and I tossed it in the trash. High school was absolutely the worst time of my life, and I don’t want to see anyone I went to school with ever again.

let me put it this way- being a kid has completely put me off of ever having kids of my own.

I went to my 10-year high school reunion and enjoyed it. There was no weirdness, no pressure. Just seeing what was up with lots of people I went to school with. I’m not doing much with my life and neither are they.

I think I might have a part in planning the 20th next year. Our class didn’t have a Facebook group so I started one. Not sure if the people who should be in charge (the class president and vp) really care. Doesn’t matter, I’m still here doing the same old nothing I was doing 10 years ago so I can handle it.

I head up the high school band’s re-invigorated alumni group. It’s sort of like a reunion but every class year is invited. We’ve been doing it 4 years now.

Someone’s gotta be that anchor that sticks around town and acts as a landing pad for everyone who took off but is interested in what’s going on in town still. I guess that person is me. I don’t really have bad feelings about school, and I keep in touch with a lot of people.

I had a VERY GOOD time in high school (socially and sexually) and a FABULOUS time in college (socially, sexually, and intellectually).

I’ve never even considered going to a reunion. Who wants to see all those assholes again?

(I keep up – sporadically – with one of my best college friends, but only because my wife likes him, too. Have to keep on my toes, though, because I slept with his wife two years before he met her. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know. My wife knows, though, and they hate each other. So we do a kind of “How’s Ruth doing? So sorry she couldn’t join us!”)

Even after nearly 30 years, I am in touch with a lot of people from high school. I have gone to several reunions. We usually have a good time.

There are reunions and reunions. I’ve only ever been to one HS reunion, my 20th. And my husband has only ever been to one HS reunion, also his 20th. I think we were feeling prime nostalgia, but not too much of it. His HS was right here in town, mine was a journey.

But, every so often there is a reunion of people from an office where I used to work. We pretty much all became good friends there, all those years ago, and in fact we don’t need a reunion as we keep up, sort of–which is to say, I keep up with a couple of people, and those couple of people keep up with me and a couple of other people, and so on. But when we have an “official” reunion, I would always go, 'cause I’m always happy to see those people again.

I did get a little annoyed when some people did not show up at my HS reunion, and they lived there. One guy came from Hawaii. Surely someone (I’m thinking one person in particular) could have driven across town, and it’s not even a very big town. If I lived there, I’d probably go to more reunions…on the other hand if I lived there all those people might have pissed me off so bad (again) I never wanted to see them again, which is where I was shortly after HS graduation. (I mellowed a bit.)

I’m an, ‘ever forward’, kind of girl. Going ‘back’, holds absolutely no appeal for me, I’m afraid.

maybe they just plain didn’t want to go? I could receive an invite to a reunion where the venue is right across the street from my house and I wouldn’t go.

I’ve gone to most of my high school reunions and always had a great time. We were a very close-knit class – many had been together since Kindergarten – and the teachers were good about stopping bullying (even the coaches would tell you to cut it out if you said anything nasty). It was always fun meeting people again.

College was a little different. I always go (I live in the same city), but most of the people I hung out with don’t show up. Still, I usually have a good time.

Me too. I’m a classic introvert in that small talk is utterly draining. I’ve kept in touch with most of my closest high school friends, but have no desire to make awkward small talk with the rest just because we walked around the same hallways 20 years ago.

College and grad school were much better experiences, but even there the thought of reuniting in a forced environment like that isn’t exciting.

I attended a small-town high school, filled with the usual small-town stuff (football, cheerleaders, homecoming parade down Main Street).

I went back for my 10-year reunion because why not?

And now I’m done. I’m in touch with the people who I liked and found interesting back then. And honestly, I don’t want to attend another reunion because the interesting people who’ve moved away aren’t likely to return to a reunion, and those who never left are not even remotely intellectually stimulating and are utterly provincial in outlook. It’s Trump’s own Merka there.
If I’m going dress up and to a pointless meet-n-greet, I’d rather go to a business networking function. I might get a new job out of one of those.