I just got an invitation to attend a graduate school “reunion” of sorts. I graduated 12 years ago. My grad advisor just asked me if I was going to go, and I told her I would think about it. But I don’t know. I don’t want to go, but I can’t pinpoint exactly why.
I mean, yeah, I have mixed feelings about grad school. It was a low-grade torture chamber to be sure, but I do have some fond memories from that time. I didn’t make any lasting friendships, but I didn’t make enemies either. And I haven’t done too bad for myself. Really, there’s no reason I shouldn’t have lots of nostalgia for those days. And yet I don’t. I’m not at all excited about seeing all those “old” faces that I’ve put behind me and forgotten.
The only explanation I can think of is that I always feel like I’m in a work-in-progress. When I see myself as I was 12 years ago, I see someone who wasn’t put together yet. I guess I’m not looking forward to walking down memory lane with the people who remember when I was a hot mess.
And why do I want to put myself in the position where I might be tempted to compare my success against others?
Do you attend school reunions? If so, what motivates you to go? If not, how come? I’m trying to figure out how out in left field my feelings are.