The folks next door have a little girl who’s about 2 now. In these past 2 years I have never once heard that kid cry, not even as an infant. Even in the summer with all the windows open, or if they’re out in the yard, I can sometimes hear the kid vocalizing (I don’t know if she’s actually speaking, because I’m not in the habit of eavesdropping). But every other baby I’ve ever been exposed to has done some serious crying from time to time, that any neighbor couldn’t help hearing.
A friend suggests that maybe she’s deaf, and since she can’t hear herself cry, that behavior doesn’t get reinforced. But it seems to me that crying is somewhat of a reflex, that doesn’t have to be learned or reinforced. But I’m not sure of this, maybe deaf kids learn to express their discomfort in other ways.
I think that calling her deaf out of the blue is a little severe . . . and besides, my younger sister is partially deaf and it only results in her shouting louder.
Why don’t you compliment your neighbours on having such an adorable and quiet child - then dig it up from the source?
That’s unusual. I’ve never known a… er… cryless kid. But then it’s a totally alien concept for me. Oh, yes. I was a screeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeaAAAAAaaaAAAAAAAAaaaameeeerrrr!
My poor parents. I must have been really bad because whenever my mum hears a kid cry now she has a mild panic attack! …for what it’s worth…I’m sorry?
I would just come out and say ‘does your kid ever cry?!’ and if not, get them to teach you how they do it. Then teach the rest of us
[anecdotal evidence] I don’t know about NO crying, but I know that my oldest very rarely cried. As long as his needs were met, he was a pretty happy camper, and I was pretty good at reading his needs and responding to them. (And, since he was a first child, I had time to respond to them.)
I remember when he went in for one of his immunizations, and the nurse gave me a fact sheet about the immunization that gave warning signs that something was amiss. It said that if your child cried for more than 3 hours straight, you should check back with the doctor. I was stunned by the thought of that, since I couldn’t remember a time in his life when he had cried for as much as 3 minutes at a time.
When I started back to work part-time when he was 4 months old, my child-care provider’s grandmother was staying with her at the time. When I went to pick him up after my first day back at work, the grandmother told me “I think your baby doesn’t know how to cry…”
[/anecdotal evidence]
This was not true of child #2, by the way. He was a bit colicky, so I had to learn how to deal with a crying baby while we were figuring out the upset tummy deal. On the whole, though, I do think he was less of a cryer than most kids, though.
I’m a kindergarten teacher. Kids who don’t cry are either extremely emotionally well-adjusted and tend to take things in stride – even to the point of injury or hurt feelings – or, as someone else pointed out, have some hearing loss.
Yet–
Tammy, my co-worker, recently had her first child, a baby boy, some six months back, and has brought him to work evenings after she came back from maternity leave. I have seen this boy picked up, rocked or passed around by dozens of different teachers, patted and cooed at by maybe forty students. THE BOY NEVER CRIES. When he wants his milk (she breast feeds) the most I’ve heard is a barely irritable, “WAH!” If he hasn’t gotten milk in the next 60 seconds, he waits, then he does it again: “WAH!” Easily the most-well adjusted baby I’ve ever seen. The kind that makes you think being a parent won’t be so bad.
I’m the youngest of four and I was not a crier at all, nor was my oldest sister. The two in the middle were extreme criers. I’ve joked with my mom about this in the past- she can remember exactly one time in my childhood when I actually cried, and I can remember her frequently trying to make me cry. Just to see if I would (never worked).
I’d also second telling the parents what a well-behaved child they have.
So I guess these are just two very lucky parents, not to mention those of us within earshot. I hear stories about what a colicky baby I was, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
[personal reflection]
My neighbors have the same sort of child. Our 7 month old neighbor is not only a non-crier (well, he cries rarely, usually giving crying up in favor of unhappy grunts) he is unusually quiet. At first we/they put forth the deaf question, but he seemed to respond normally to all of the paediatrician’s tests. The doctor then told us that he is just a contented, well-adjusted child. He is also very intellectually advanced for his age (he can already say ‘bye’ upon being waved at- at 7 months). Sorry I’m bragging so much. It’s just that I am his adopted uncle (his real uncle being a victim of the oncoming H-train, god rest his soul).
[/personal reflection]
Anyway, that was a long-winded way of saying the child could also be very advanced.
My mother tells me that my brother, a first child, did not cry as an infant, even if he was hungry. She would never know how hungry he was until he would practically leap at the sight of the bottle she was bringing him. As a toddler, he seldom talked either, in contrast to me the chatterbox. He grew up to be a highly intelligent, self-possessed, emotionally calm person. I grew up to be a chatterbox.
I think kids are much as adults are, some express some don’t. I have been both a primary teacher and a early childhood teacher and I’m also a mum, so this is anecdotal. My own child while being a good whinger does not cry, he never has. He articulates his feelings well now (and is very bright) but as a bub/toddler he just didn’t cry.
Professionaly I have come across children who will express the smallest need with endless crying, to children who don’t cry whatever the circumstance. I think it all boils down to personality, which in many aspects is innate, much the same as shyness, brashness, gregariousness etc. You soon learn to identify the same emotions in both demonstrative and non demonstrative children and respond to such.
Not to rule out taught behaviours…OH BABY you tripped! that must hurt! come to mummy! don’t cry!. As opposed to the “oopsy daisy”, up you get, gosh you are brave, schools of thought. Both have an effect on a child. While not always true in infants, after toddler age it is always easy to see how parents respond to their child from a childs reaction to injury or disappointment (and I’m not saying one is better then the other, it just tells you how to respond to a child) both have an effect on a child.
Unless you have fairly serious concerns abuse is happening I wouldn’t worry. While deafness may be an issue that will be identified by parents and doctors.
They tell me I never cried as a baby or small child. My mother says this as an accusation - like I was being sneaky about being hungry or sick. My sibs are crybabies even today!
A friend of mine has two kids, a boy and a girl. The boy is about two. One of the last times I saw him he bumped his head and proceeded to cry. My friend walked over, kissed him on the bump, and said, “Stop crying.”
The kid stopped.
I’m trying to convice him to open an obiedience school for toddlers. It was just amazing.
Another interesting technique I’ve seen and occasionally used: Upon discovering that the injury is not serious, proceed to fake annoyance and anger. “Why did you bump that knee? I like that knee! Don’t you do that again!”
The first time reaction is shock – “hey, I’m in pain here, and she’s yelling at me?” – but crying ceases out of sheer amazement. By the time the amazement wears off, the initial pain is probably gone, too, and you can go on to the more rational wash-up and bandage if necessary.
