Okay, this isn’t supposed to be a depressing thread. I don’t particularly WANT to cry right now! But anyhoo, my dad died when I was twelve and I started to go a bit strange, emotionally. Then about six years ago my little brother committed suicide, and since then, despite the odd inappropiate occasion, I’ve been more or less unable to cry, even when there are massive emotions trying to come out. I feel the emotion rise in my throat, but it then gets cut dead. I’m pretty sensitive to emotions, perhaps too much so (I’d love to cry at movies, because I am totally that kind of dweeb!). I’ve suffered from depression for a long time, too. So what’s happening? I think I’ve dealt with the trauma - am I wrong? Is it because I’m a guy? Is it because I’m subconsciously saving it up for someone I really trust?
The last time I actually shed a tear was when the dog died, maybe two years ago. That dried up pretty quickly too.
Sir, you should be commended for not giving in to the weakness of crying.
As a member of The Sacred Order of Testosterone, we must all uphold the First Law of Masculinity:
Thou Shalt Not Cry.
(Weeping for dogs, cars, and certain power tools are permissible exemptions)
If in the future you are tempted to give in to your feminine
side, promptly dial 1-800-THE-DUKE and a platoon of trained specialists will immediately arrive and hose you down with 10 gallons of Dallas Cowboy sweat.
But remember, repeated visits of the platoon may result in the loss of the left testiculation.
It sounds to me like you’ve built up an emotional wall as a self-defense mechanism. You’re protecting yourself from further pain, since it seems you’ve had your share already. I’m sure professional advice will follow shortly on this thread.
Ross, I’m sorry your Dad and your brother died. Both are very sad. I also feel for you suffering from depression, and I hope it lifts a bit sometimes.
I know a man who can’t cry. He’s pretty wounded by life. He acts happy enough, but when you get to know him, you can feel waves of pain radiating from him. It’s sad.
Thanks guys - I mean it. But I’m hardly unique in losing a couple of people, and many have lost far more. What interests me is why some can continue with normal lives whereas for some reason I’ve kind of frozen in this area. For a long time I had plenty of growing left to do so I let it slide for ages as I developed intellectually and (as far as I could) emotionally. I think, though, that I can’t really mature much further emotionally without going through the barrier. And I want to keep maturing for a long time yet! What exactly would the physiological reasons behind this be? Are certain personality types more prone? Could I help things along with random acts of stupidity?
ps. Dialled 1-800-THEDUKE. Got a tape-recording of John Wayne explaining how to get in touch with your inner child. How the mighty are fallen.
Ross, I’m totally with you. I don’t know why I can’t really cry. It’s like being pee-shy, but more fundamental, because I can hardly cry by myself, let alone in the presence of others. I cried just last week, listening to an NPR show, This American Life. Part of the show was a stor about how this guy’s slow brother died, so the guy cared for the brother’s armadillo.
The last time I cried, though, was over two years ago, maybe even three by now. There’ve been some deaths in my family, people who’s funerals I’ve attended, and I haven’t cried.
I feel somehow emotionally retarded because sometimes I think I cry for the most pointless things.
Anyway, I know somehow what you feel. Peace, Ross.
jb
I have done a tremendous amount of crying for broken relationships in my life, but not often for death. When my younger brother died in an accident, about 1991, I refused to leave town to go to the memorial service, and stayed at home playing Bard’s Tale III on the Commodore. About a month later I was listening to a song on the radio and suddenly broke into a howl of tears for him, so loud my mother came in the room in alarm to see what the matter was. I had to lock my door and turn up the radio to finish mourning.
I didn’t cry when my father died in '93, though I went into a deep depression for a week or two. There wasn’t much between us we hadn’t worked through, one way or the other, (though I wish I’d had a chance to memorize the name of his wartime girlfriend; there’s a chance I might have relatives in New Zealand.) I went into another depression for several days a couple of years ago for the death of a friend; if there were tears they were brief, although I regret that I was not as good a friend as I might have been, and often think of her.
Ross…I apologize for my earlier facecious post. It is obvious to me the gravity of this subject, and I am ashamed of my insensitivity and lack of respect in regards to your pain and loss.
I suppose my remarks are due to a similar past of loss in my life…I also lost my father and grandmother to cancer, as well as my best friend to suicide. The last time I really cried was coming out of the hospital where my father was dying, and I letit out in front of my entire family, like a baby. Since then, losses I have taken I accepted stoicly.
Stoicism Is now a part of my nature, for better or for worse.
Perhaps, that is to be admired, or to be pitied.
Oh, man…You could be talking about me. In the last two years, I’ve had to deal with my (now) ex-fiancee’s mother’s death, her being nearly raped, and being beaten by an exboyfriend, her leaving me for another guy, another dear friend losing her sister in a car wreck, THAT friend being in a major accident, her DAD just dying in a car wreck, and MY father passing away this past January. I haven’t cried for any one them. I can’t. I want to, but the tears just don’t come.
Enolancooper, don’t worry about it, stuff happens.
But while I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in this problem, I’m also concerned that the thread doesn’t get ejected for not being factual enough. It’s the psychological and (if possible) physiological explanations that I really want to find - and that might help us all.
A common symptom of depression is what is refered to as having a flat affect. Or in more layman’s terms you just don’t feel very strongly about anything, good or bad. You don’t get really mad, really happy, really sad, etc. Your emotions all just seem muted.