A few years ago, my mother’s best friend–my siblings & I always called her Aunt Lil–died. At the funeral I sat with my favorite niece on one side of me and her mother, my sister, on the other side. My sister was sobbing on my shoulder during the service, and even my niece, who hardly knew her great-aunt, was a bit teary-eyed. I, on the other hand, was dry-eyed, as was my mother.
After the service, my niece asked me why neither my mother nor I had wept for Lil. I tried to explain that, after my son died*, I pretty much stopped having the capacity to cry, while my mother just wasn’t a weeper; she concentrates so much on taking care of everybody else that she never allows herself the luxury.
“Is that a good thing?” my niece asked.
“Probably not,” I answered.
Which brings me to the subject of this thread: Is it easy for you to cry, or hard? What have wept about that you wished you’d kept your eyes dry for? What have you been unable to cry about that sobbing would have been a welcome release?
*(Actually I said “A couple of years ago” without mentioning my son, as I saw no reason to make my niece cry for the second time in a night.)
I don’t cry easily. I know this is typical of my gender (guess which one!), but when I so much as well up a little bit it’s only that–a little welling up–and honestly it’s only ever happened while imagining the next Great Sports Moment involving whatever team I root for.
Yeah, I know…
I never really was much of a crier. I don’t think I cried when my grandmother died (I was in 5th grade), nor when my cats have died. Just not how my body releases sadness, I guess. Actually, I cried a little when I broke up with my last GF. She was totally dry-eyed. Looking back, it’s pretty clear to me she was feigning sadness that night and she was feigning interest in me in the first place for less-than-altruistic goals. Frankly, I don’t cry much over that, either.
Easier. I honestly don’t remember the last time I cried, but there have been a thousand times I wish I could for catharsis. Being male and not-able-to-cry (two disconnected statements) I have a tendency to respond to high-stress or sorrow by becoming violent or argumentative, and I’d rather go somewhere in private and cry it out.
I have no problem with the fact that I cry sometimes when very upset or am moved in some way - but I sometimes cry when I’m angry, which annoys me.
When I get angry- very angry I mean, I don’t usually yell or get physical but I feel the intensity of the emotion building up inside me. I only really speak in a firm snarl as a indication that I am extremely pissed off - so all that angry energy has nowhere to go and it seems to just release itself in the form of tears. I’ll suddenly be crying, even though I feel no sadness or anything else I usually associate with crying. It feels like a totally seperate occurance, half the time I don’t even notice I’ve started crying. I don’t know why this happens.
I wish it wouldn’t happen because I feel it takes credibility away from whatever my side of the argument is. Especially when I argue with men. I’m female and I think when I cry about something that there is REALLY no reason to cry about (even though there might be reason to be angry) it makes me look like ‘just another overemotional woman’ and re-enforces their arguments.
Like I said, not bothered or ashamed by crying when I feel it’s right, just bothered by the fact that my body cries when I know there is nothing to warrant tears.
It’s an interesting question you’ve asked, I’m looking forward to the other responses.
Harder. I don’t know if it’s a sign that I’m about to be menopausal (Og I hope so!), but I have no idea what can set me off. Most recently, I almost teared up to some inconsequential article on Fark. And I don’t mind crying about something truly relevant to me, but at the drop of a hat to some idiotic commercial, I could do without.
Easier. I used to cry a lot as a younger kid, but I don’t think I’ve cried for a number of years. I honestly wish I could cry more easily, because I am very emotional and being able to cry more often would just feel so much better.
Harder. I’m by no means a “crier”, but sometimes there are situations that make my eyes water a bit. I get “choked-up” more often than I would be likely to cry.
On 9/11, I was just dumbstruck. There was a massive loss of life, but no tears, not even the “choked-up” feeling. The next day, when the firefighters were going back into the rubble, and the streets were lined with people saluting them, I almost lost it. Such a display of bravery and raw respect moved me in a way that I’ve never experienced.
I really, really love my Dad. If I ever need to make myself cry (which I’ve never had to do), all I have to do is picture him crying at my funereal. That would do it. I was also really moved after watching Follow me, boys a Disney movie in which one of the kids’ Dads is exposed as a drunk. Incidentally, John Larroquette had a bit part in that film.
I damn-near cried at the end of Big Fish (Dad issues), and while watching “Baghdad E.R.”.
I think that respect in its most pure form, is the thing that is most likey to make me cry. I respect the hell out of my Dad. I respect soldiers, firefighters, cops, and the like, but it takes a moment of high drama in order to make me really feel it.
I really hate it when the HVAC makes me “cry” when there’s no reason to, I’m not that sensitive!
Hmm, respect is one of the only things that can make me cry. What the hell is that about? I don’t think that that’s normal.
I cry at the drop of a hat when it comes to movies, books, and sometimes even music. It is sometimes embarrassing. I would much rather my GF be the one reaching for the tissues in those situations, you know what I mean?
It’s embarrassing in real-life situations, too. I cried after loading my best friend’s (of twenty-five years) truck with all his stuff, when it was time for him to get in the cab and drive to a new city. In front of his new wife and some of his macho work buddies who were helping with the move. Ugh.
Recently I got a call about a development in a close friend’s (with whom I was once romantically involved) ugly custody battle. My GF came into the living-room moments after I hung up and found me weeping a bit over it. “There’s nothing there anymore – she’s just a really good person and doesn’t deserve this.” God’s truth – but I don’t know if I’d believe it, what with the waterworks.
On the other hand, I’d hate not to be able to have a good cathartic (and private) bawl when it was called for.
When experiencing genuine grief/sadness/emotional moments et cetera I don’t really cry. I think different people deal with these emotions in different ways, and crying just really isn’t how I deal with it.
However, I actually do possess the ability to make myself cry on command if I wish to do so. It’s kind of goofy how I do that, actually. It goes back to when I was like 15 and me and some friends speculated about how actors/actresses can cry apparently on demand. After a bit of practicing all of us had discovered we could do it with some effort.
Harder. I’ve never liked showing my emotions too much, and I suppose I see crying as a form of weakness. But sometimes I just can’t help myself. To make matters worse, I’m the type that cries at sappy endings in movies, happy or sad. So put on a chick flick and watch the waterworks.
Same here. I hate the thought of men crying, and I hate when I do it even more. It doesn’t happen that much, but when it does I start crying even more because then I’m pissed off that I’m crying. Diosa was with me the last time I cried a couple of years ago and I really wished it didn’t happen.
I’m not a big crier, esp. not in public (damp eyes, not wracking sobs, at both parents’ memorial services), but it’s not excessive. I can cry in the privacy of my own home, and will occasionally shed a few tears in public (for instance, at sad movies, or when I left my last job and was really touched by the good-bye present from a group of people I’d trained and mentored). But in general, in public, I’m fairly stoic – and I’m okay with that.
Harder. I cry at everything, and I really wish I didn’t. One thing about crying at everything (sad bits in movies, people leaving, being yelled at, etc.) is that it makes it seem like I’m a lot more distraught about whatever it is than anyone else in the room, when really I’m probably not, it’s just that I cry at anything emotional.
The same … I think I’m okay with where I am now in terms of the crying.
I don’t like to cry in front of other people, and I seldom do. It’s not like I’m having a huge struggle not to cry, I really don’t feel like crying at all. I feel sad, but not crying.
The part I feel a little bad about is that sometimes other people apologize for crying in front of me, as if it offends my stoic personality or something. So I feel bad for making others feel bad.
I do cry privately, reading sad books or just thinking about something sad. I probably cry more often/more easily than the average person when I am by myself.
I didn’t cry at all at my uncle’s funeral, which was a weep-fest for everyone else (understandably so, he was a great man who died young after a devastating illness).
When I came home, after the funeral, I saw my toilet and starting sobbing. You see, we had just bought a new house recently and the (only) toilet needed to be replaced and my uncle had done it for us as a surprise so that we would have a working toilet when we moved in. Isn’t that thoughtful? He was already pretty sick when this happened, so the toilet was one of his last projects, maybe his very last. After he died, there were many times I would go sit on my toilet and have a good cry. I more or less live in fear that one day I am going to blurt out to his wife or one of his kids that I think of him every time I am I in the bathroom. Because you really can’t make that sound not weird, right?
I wish it were harder. I wish I had more control over my emotions in general. I tend to stuff them down until I become totally “brittle” and then tears will come at inappropriate times. Its something that has cursed me for a very long time. I am struggling now as a matter of fact. Its stupid.
Much, much harder. I cry at everything. Commercials, movies, talking to people about random things, when I’m alone–I cry all the damned time. It caused me endless grief in junior high and high school. One time I remember crying in the middle of a poetry class in college, and I couldn’t stop and couldn’t focus enough to leave the damned room. I sat there crying for 20 minutes while the class (only about 8 people, and we were sitting at one big table) tried to get on with business.
I also cry whenever I see anyone else crying, even when it’s on tv. I can’t fake that I’m not crying at the movies, even if it’s not a sad film. I cry at the beginning of every live play or musical I see, probably because the spectacle of the theater overwhelms me. Public crying for no real reason is the worst.
I’ve been seeing a therapist, and the first time I started crying (while I was giving her my address), she was really concerned. Now she knows I’m just a crier. I’ve never had a session that didn’t involve me breaking down in tears.
