I guess it seems weird. I think in the US there is pride in doing things on your own and not having to rely on others. Also looking at how capable other animals are physically on their own makes me wonder if needing others is a weakness.
So you’ll just ignore my evolutionary answer to your question?
When was the last time you, milked your own cow, churned your own butter, sewed your own clothes, milled your own flour, killed your own dinner?
Unless you live off the grid, completely apart from society, you rely on others in every single aspect of your life.
no I recognize that, our survival is aided by working together. But in think the downside is needing the same social contact which other organisms dont seem to.
It’s also odd that given evolution we have a culture that prides itself on not asking for help.
What culture are you talking about?
Except that other organisms do need this. Herd animals travel in herds. Even Lions have their prides. Crows gather with others. Monkeys, fish, birds, all generally associate in groups.
We Humans are both predator and prey. Other Humans are can be either one to us, and we grow up knowing that not everyone is ‘family’, but could be dangerous to us. Showing weakness is a danger. A danger of shame or humility, a danger that the wrong people will get ideas about us. That bad people will prey on us for our weaknesses. That we are unworthy or not pulling our weight.
I’m quite sure the wildebeast that suffers a minor leg injury is as anxious about its survival and the acceptance of others as we are about our life and death issues.
And yet, needing others is not a weakness at all. We’re made this way. It is part of the design and a great strength. We accomplish so much more in groups, in large groups, in large numbers.
The United States is what I refer to.
You think the entire United States of America have developed a culture of not asking for help?
Again, think about your last meal. Where did it come from? The clothes you’re wearing, did you make them yourself? Did you build the house you’re living in? Did you build the car you drive? Did you build the computer you’re typing on? Did you string the electrical wires and data connections?
When you were a child, who took care of you? Some species the young hatch out of their eggs and go off into the world, fully capable of taking care of themselves. But humans can’t do this. It takes literal years of hard work to transform a newborn human into a creature that can survive without the constant assistance of others. And even as adults we literally cannot survive on our own. The knowledge needed even by a primitive hunter-gatherer society is too large to be contained by one person. And even the most self-reliant humans need to sleep sometimes.
Notice how people who are too proud to ask for help tend to have the most pathetic lives? They are the folks who end up going hungry night after night because they are too proud to go to the food pantry. Or they are the people who sleep in their cars because they don’t want to ask family members if they can crash on their couch.
The people who tend to have the most success in life are those who aren’t too afraid to ask for a favor every now and then. Folks who are too timid or too proud to do this seriously lose out on life.
I think that he’s referring to the American tendency to lionize self-reliance, and individualism. But, I’m not at all certain that that necessarily translates to an unwillingness to ask for or accept help*, much less a tendency towards being emotionally solitary and not seeking out friendships.
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- except for not asking for directions. No red-blooded American asks for directions.
- except for not asking for directions. No red-blooded American asks for directions.
The type of society you’re describing doesn’t exist in the US, nor any other corner of the planet. People have evolved to be social animals. I’d argue that the reason for our success as a species is that very trait of social behaviour. Even the anti-social ones are inextricably reliant on others for their very existence.
IOW, they get by with a little help from their friends.
I have 3 friends. I don’t want any more. If I was single, I would have more need for them. I’m a bit of an introvert and never feel lonely when I’m alone, but I like knowing there’s a few people that would visit me if I was hospitalised. They also fill in the gaps that my partner doesn’t, eg days out to places that don’t interest him, or talking about topics that bore him.
I think that friendships are conditional and people soon get bored if you’re not meeting their needs. It can feel like hard work and I find most of them need much more social interaction than I do. I also think social media has filled a significant part of the need for friendships. Its quicker and easier to get advice/support or second opinions on anything, and far more people available.
Looking at it another way, lots of people have deep feelings of unworthiness, for a million different reasons (environment, upbringing, whatever) and feel they don’t deserve help, or even friendship.
That would depend on the nature of the situation , situations pop up in people live all the time and they can’t afford to be running to a therapist each time. A call to trusted friend will work and people do consider their LP to b every best friend .