Just had a revelation

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I was sitting on the toilet tonight…don’t ask me the significance of this but some how this makes sense to me.

I am not saying this to have a pity party or anything at all, but it really strikes me as odd. No matter what I do in my life I have decided that my world revolves around people that shit on me. Not intentionally or whatever but it’s true. This runs along the lines of all that I care about. It doesn’t matter if it’s that I try to help them and for some reason this comes back to bite my ass later in a weird way. It doesn’t matter that I am sincere in my thinking and helping them, it’s a matter of that I rarely get anything in return. I don’t want things in return except a friend to hear me, listen to me. My recent past with regards to two best friends, one a now ex best friend just bugs the hell out of me. The other can’t hear me because she is too caught up in her own problems to hear me.

I am not a martyr nor a saint but I do go out of my way to be there for people but honestly when the time comes for me to need someone to be there for me it’s non-existant.

So my revelation is, I am here to be here for others and therefore will foresake my own well-being and happiness for them. I have to accept that and understand that because that is the way of my life.

Why I would come up with that while sitting on my ass on the pot taking a poo I have no idea but hey it works for me. It’s amazing the places and things that will get you thinking.

So, I have more to elaborate on this subject but at the moment that is all that I should reveal…

2

Ok, so since you’re here for others, start sending those paychecks to me. I’ll e-mail you the address,

sincerely,
Demo
:smiley:
Methinks you’re drunk…

3

:frowning: {{{{{{Liz}}}}}}

I’m here for you, as much as I can be from so far away. You’re a very special lady, who deserves much better.

4

Amen, sister… I’ve had the same notion. Still resisting it, though. I’m stubborn.

5

Okay so I said my first post.

My so-called late best friend Michelle (yes her real name) told her boyfriend a thing I asked her to keep in confidence. Something that was very embarassing to me, despite my asking her to keep it quiet.

Well, shit hit the fan and I basically discussed with with her fucking boyfriend because he was the one that “forced” her to tell him, it got around the “group” of people we hung out with. (She’s a weak woman I guess she refused to confront me on the situation.)

Well, that’s bullshit, women are 'sposed to keep things private, private.

A while after all this happened she had the nerve to call me and specifically state to me “You’re a fucking bitch”. Why? Because I was the one that told her something in confidence and she was the one that broke that trust? I am a fucking bitch for getting pissed at that? My ass!

I was strong enough to hang up the phone at 8:00 in the morning I didn’t say a word because I know I am in the right. I had told her something in confidence and she blabbed it off to her boyfriend who told the whole group of friends??? What am I 'sposed to do? Sit back and say “Oh I forgive you for telling him even though I specifically asked you not to discuss this with anyone?” Fuck that! .

Come on, that’s bullshit. If a friend tells me a private thing I do not discuss it with anyone that could have anything to do with the situation involved. Even then I keep it to myself. I have nothing to gain by this bullshit.

This after I took her in 13 years ago after her parents kicked her out of her house. This after I HADto kick her out because she DIDN’T PAY RENT because skiing was more important to her, but was still her friend because I loved her. I was there not long after her baby was born with baby clothes because I knew she couldn’t afford it. I was there when she needed a friend, but she was not there when I needed someone to confide in.

I have more but that’s one of the things about me and my friends that pisses me off. I am sick of it.

6

Oh, sugar, let’s not get into people pooing on you!

My father has been doing it for YEARS! I just recently cut him off. I’ve done my bit with him; letting him poo on me… like me you don’t have to let him (your father) poo on you anymore. If, like me, you’ve been letting him you can say, “STOP!” and use the TP to wipe up the fall out.

Oddly, I found out there was this stalker guy in my life that was doing basically the same thing my father was … just say, “No”. And if it takes five miles of TP to wipe it up than that’s what it takes… just clean it up and say no more. You have the right to put an end to it.

No one has the right to poo on you unless you let them. Say, “No” to poo. Make it clear to these folks that it’s not your job to be the recipient of their poo. Just say no to poo.

You have the power to say no. Do so. And that means no to YOU stalker boy! Get a clue! I’m not interested in you! Ever! Shit face!

Byz

7

Yeah, I know, virtual hugs from a stanger are completely useless in this kinda situation, but…

{{{{{{{{{techchick68}}}}}}}}}}

Hope you meet better freind candidates in the near future.

8

The significance is: In one sitting you expelled TWO pieces of shit. Pay no further attention to either. :wink:

Value yourself more, lady.

9

Damnit, I even took her boy’s father on a drug deal once. As weird as this sounds I was explaining to him why it was so wrong as to what he was doing.

I remember, this was about 12 years or so ago my timing may be off, circling the apartment complex in my car, the shit that could have gone down…he was dealing meth at the time.

I do know that he may be out of the drug dealing practice now but I did what I could to steer (sp) him from getting away from that shit. But I earnestly discussed with him the merits of going down a better road…I was very strong about the whole issue even if I did drive him to a place where he was dealing…

10

Anyone can say I am drunk or whatever Demo but right now that doesn’t sit well with me. It goes deeper than that when I am dealing with issues.

I am tired of being shit on. I am tired of trying to be a friend and my friends fuck me over. It’s that simple.

I have been in C Springs for 2 years and even my SD friends from Denver and C Springs are apathetic to maintaining a friendship with me.

Fuck the fact I took them to a free football game (those on the SD I care about most)…yes you know who you are…you two hurt me because you barely say boo after our mini-dopefest. Did I do something wrong??? I email or call and no return emails and calls, I don’t get it.

Sorry that’s how I feel at the moment and I am not drunk, it’s how I have felt for some time now and need to get this out. I email or call them or my so-called other friends and it really doesn’t matter. I don’t get a response back. My friends do this to me no matter what it seems. I realize you have lives but I would appreciate a reply in return. God, even a simple, “I am sorry I haven’t replied, I have been busy.”

I talk to a few of my other SD friends and I barely get a word in…it’s more about them and not what the hell I am dealing with, even with the recent event of having to put my cat down. That same night I put Sam down I was hurting so hard and a friend couldn’t see past his/her own issues and let me cry about my Sam. I had to hear about his/her problems despite the fact I had to put my cat down just hours before. This didn’t sit well with me and I resent that even if I didn’t say it then. I didn’t have the heart to ask this person to shut up even though my heart was screaming it because this person was dealing with some difficult stuff at the time.

I deal with family and well frankly they make decisions without me so I am a little pissed off at the world. I am tired of the world as I know it.

Yes I have a lot of issues but for one freaking moment will people acknowledge the fact I have something to say and something to deal with?

Now this is turning into something I didn’t want it to turn into, but it’s how I have been feeling. I don’t know what to do about it. I am sick of being the person that attempts good things and it turns on my like a disease that knocks you down.

I didn’t want this to be what it is has that I have written, but that’s how I feel. I can’t help these feelings, they come naturally to me.

Again, this is not a pity thread but a thread to air out my issues as I need to. If I don’t I will explode and so far I am starting to feel slightly better…

Generally speaking:

I guess I am tired, tired of being a friend without the friendship in return…I don’t give a shit if I give you money and you can’t return it, but I do resent that you turn me away when I need it. I resent the fact that when an important part of my life is taken away you can’t listen to me long enough to help me deal with it. I will sit there and listen to you until the tumble weeds are blowing in the wind. I will keep your secrets sacred, I promise you, not a soul will hear of your private conversations with me, your conversations are between you and me…I will never stray from that. But I do ask, my friend to attempt to listen to me, to help me when I need help the most…I don’t want anything but your shoulder, your ear nothing more. I promise.

so I shall shut up now.

11

To clarify something:

should read:

I could give a shit about the money. I have plenty of my own and have for many years. A shoulder is more valuable to me than money.

12

Techie I love you to death and you know that. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe it’s the friends that you have chosen. Since coming to this board I’ve watched your posts, seen you hurt and disappointed by people, and watched you explode a couple of times.
People will be people. You can’t change them. They will let you down when you need them most, turn their back on you in your time of need, and basically focus on their own lives instead of those around them. If you can accept this as a fact of life, you’ll make some wonderful friends, because we too are people and we do the same thing.
The way that people view us, and the way we view ourselves is a totally different picture. While you might see yourself as the one always there ready to help and ready to listen, other people might view you as whiny and needy and unable to focus on anything but yourself. I’m not saying that you are that way, but perception is the key.
I truly hope that you find what you are looking for. You’re a great person and have a lot to offer.

13

I would not presume to offer you any advice on this subject normally, except you are obviously asking for it by this thread. I mostly agree with ultress.

Pick better friends.

Analyze why you want to be friends with the sort of people you do. Is there a common theme here?

I’m telling you this coming from another angle - I am a good friend no one wants to have (and if anyone thinks I’m playing “pity me”, then fuck you) I am a person that when she has had real friends she would do anything for them, from actions as mundane as remembering a birthday or a debt, to giving her life for them. And you can ask many common acquaintances of ours if I have ever revealed any part of a secret in chat, e-mail, or whatever. But I only have one IRL friend - who is the same way. And not many people OL either that are “friends”. Oh yeah, people are nice and all that, but not many people really want to continue a long dialogue with me, or answer my fucking e-mails I spend an hour to compose, etc. I have only about 5 real OL friends, as a result.

Why? I guess because IRL I’m boring. I’m quiet. I’m unexciting. Aenea can verify that. So I see the people who are the party animal, ultra-social, bar-hopping or pub-cruising types go out and make friends and hang with the same sort of people. And they are continually surprised when these shallow, emotionally immature, fuckheads betray them, cheat on them, use them, lie and steal from them, etc, etc.

Take a hard look at why you pick the people you do to be friends with. Whatever it is about them that makes you really want to trust them, or like to hang with them, or makes them seem so cool to you, or attracts you to them - whatever it is, it’s obviously not something you can rely on as a predictor of friendship. It’s time to start looking for some other qualities in them - maybe ones you have ignored, or written off before. I don’t know, that’s just the wy it seems to me.

14

Good Lord, how can a Dark Queen of the Unholy Lesbian Vampire Army of the Night possibly be boring?

15

Amen to this Techchick, I have been trying to stress this to my friends for years, and they all just don’t get it.

16

Well I’ve always tried to be there, on the phone and respond to your e-mails and such. You have done the same and I thank you. We both have ADD, so at times, I know, it can be mutually frustrating when you or I may be focused on one area of discussion and the other wanders off into a different discussion. That’s just the way you and I are.

As for a true friends (as I call them IRL), friends who you can depend on in a time of need are rare to come by. I currently have only one true friend IRL. I offered to be there for him a short while ago, when his mother and grandmother died, but he didn’t want support, assistance, or help–he is the type to internalize his grief. But I know if I ever needed him for something he would make an effort to be there for me. True friends are the ones to value.

Some reality for thought: Most people are inherently good, misunderstandings happen from time to time, first impressions can be very misleading, everyone has problems, etc… Accepting these truths of everyday life is important. Don’t let your life take control of you, you have to take control of your life. If you’re not generally content with the type friends you attract, try to objectively look at the way you project yourself and why you attract the types of friends you usually do.

Hey at least you can turn to the board concerning your personal stuff or just to vent, something I’ve always shyed away from doing because 1) I internalize my problems, and 2) I don’t think people would really listen to me.

People listen to you Techie.

17

jeez, I’m sorry your confidence was betrayed like that. It’s sad but true, what the japanese say: “The only way to keep a secret is to whisper it down a well alone at midnight, or to whisper it to Chef Troy.”

(okay, so that’s not exactly what it means in Japanese, but any translation is imperfect.)

You can call me anytime, techie…just email me and I’ll lay my digits on you. (wow, that sounded dirtier than it really is…)

18

Try to remember tech that:

No good deed goes unpunished.

That was my motto for the entire year of 1998. I know exactly how you feel too. Let’s try this little cautionary tale.

I made friends with some people that I worked with. We got along pretty well and I felt that they were good people. I help them move, not once but twice. I went to their wedding and helped put up the decorations, take photographs (mine were better than the guy with the Hasselblad) and finally put a towel over my arm and poured the champagne because they didn’t have any hired help. Before their second move, I showed up and helped my friend power wash the entire exterior of the house so that they will be able to qualify for the loan. I helped my friend work on his houseboat. I showed up and cooked outrageous meals. I brought an insane Danish coffee cake from the best Danish bakery in the Bay area for the guy’s birthday. The list is endless. Well, guess who I haven’t heard from for the last year?

Trust me, I know where you’re coming from. Sadly, people no longer understand that friendships require love and nurturing just like any other sort of relationship. The concept of reciprocation seems to have been lost in the rush for people to “get theirs”.

I’ll never understand it, and I hope that you never will either girl. It is so much better to be a giving person than one of these selfish bastards. There’s an old saying:

Duty done is the fireside of the soul.

All that you can do in this world is lead by example. As Ultress said, you may want to be more careful in chosing your friends but do not become withdrawn and bitter. Otherwise the enemy has won the battle.

19

Not sure if you care to listen to one more piece of advice, but everyone is on the right track. People more than likely will turn on you.

You have to be careful whom you call friend. Don’t let them use you. When they start, start avoiding them.

Add my name to the list of people you can talk to, I’m always happy to help.

20

No matter how much you get shit on, my dear Tech’ems, you will always have two choices: Let it continue, or let yourself break. Neither choice is preferable, ever, so you will have to decide for yourself which choice will let you continue to look at yourself in the mirror every day.

One day, you’ll see bags under your eyes and gray in your hair, and hopefully you’ll be able to tell yourself, “I earned that.”