Aren’t we supposed to take care of ourselves first? Just like on the airplane, put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others.
My daughter (34) has friends like yours. I don’t know how she manages to do it, but she always finds the people who need the most, and she blames herself for not being able to give it to them. Or she actually does help them and they still keep messing up.
Lately, she’ll get overloaded and go into social hibernation. She’s starting to realize that fixing her friends’ problems isn’t her real mission in life.
She’s getting smarter. She said once, “If I keep doing everything for them, it’s like I’m telling them they can’t do it themselves. They hate that.”
Give your friends a break. They might surprise you.
You are allowing yourself to be a victim. ** You ** choose your friends… and from what you say here you have made some poor choices.
I have seen you defend people on this board to the bitter end… and bitter is just the way I perceive you. I can respect a friend standing up for a friend but you have gone overboard on a number of occasions. Maybe you should take some time for yourself, instead of looking to others for your validation.
techie, I went through a period like you are going through the other day. All I could think about was how unappreciated I was. Then I put it out of my little mind and have been fat and happy since then. But perhaps your mind is big enough to have room for more than one thought at a time…
Other than that I don’t know what to say. Sounds like your RL friends are pretty much losers and will drag you down to their level if they can. Had you drive him on a drug buy? Sheesh!!! Of course, at twentyish I lacked judgement, too, even more than I do now. And I assume you’ve learned some since then, too. But you may find that you are growing apart from your old friends. You change; they change.
Since I’m not really one of your SD friends I can only guess but they may be real busy, rather than apathetic. They may be at points in their lives where lots is going on and maintaining everything seems more like triage than prioritizing. I know that’s how it seems in my life sometimes. Sometimes I even feel so guilty about not replying to friends’ email that I don’t reply, if that makes any sense.
I have to agree with Angkins that you sometimes sound bitter. I wish that these stupid virtual hugs could do some good; could get you to see your real value and to stop seeing negatives in everything. You have some real friends here. Use them. You might enjoy it. They might, too.
OTOH, if I can pretend we’re friends for a moment I could demonstrate why I don’t have a lot of close friends and nearly get divorced fortnightly:
Liz, you know how much I like you and don’t want to hurt your feelings, but would you please quit complaining about how lousy your life is? You have a major head start on the rest of the world: you are attractive, employed in a job that is both satisfying and pays well, and you don’t carry the family baggage of children you had at an early age or an asshole ex-husband making it hard for you to get by. By themselves these things will not make you happy, but they reduce the opportunity for real unhappiness!
If the worst things that have happened to you lately are that someone betrayed a confidence (as if any of us have any secrets left!) or that some people haven’t returned your email then you don’t have any real problems! Listen to some of the other people on this board sometime. They have some REAL problems! By comparison, your complaints come off as whiney.
However, if you feel you are overburdened by your life, maybe you should see somebody. And quit drinking. Completely. Liquor is nobody’s friend and betrays you more than any of your human friends ever could. And quit stewing on the pot. Make some new friends or compose a particularly nasty response to me. Or come to Chicago and I’ll “let” you beat me at bowling.
Techie, I don’t know you, and haven’t even exchanged posts but I was part of the Vegas mailing list and remember the time well. Several people have suggested that you need to find better friends, let me give you a slightly different angle on that. Try to figure out why you keep choosing people who use you. What is in it for you, why do you do it to yourself, over and over? Some people like the drama, or want to be the victim, or like feeling superior, I’m sure there are a dozen reasons and I don’t know enough about you to make a suggestion in that area.
Let me make sure you know, I don’t mean to be nasty, or mean. It’s just something to think about.
Let me add myself to the list of people who would be willing to hear you out on almost any topic. My life is pretty stable right now, and I have the emotional energy to spare. There ARE people who care, let some of us help.
I really don’t mean for the SD to be a dumping ground for my issues but since there are few outlets (friends) I feel I need a place to vent once in a while. I wish there were a more appropriate venue for it though < shrug >.
This past month has been weird for me. I wouldn’t say I am in the depths of a depression like I have been in the past but I am borderline there. I am trying hard not to fall into that again. I have tried the drugs thing (aka the anti-depressants, many kinds) and it never has worked well for me…
Anyhow, I do appreciate everything (mostly dp) that was said here and take it to heart.
Well if it’s any consolation I did enter into the world of MP3s today and can’t believe how god-damned addictive it is! So for now that’s something to help me keep my mind off my small troubles. I will be on a mission to download all the songs I want and enjoy them while I am kicking back on the boards.
{{{{{{All of you}}}}}}}
PS If I offended a few Dopers, I apologize. I should have confronted you separately (you may know who you are) but it was all coming out in one fell swoop, like vomit when you have the stomach flu.