Boohoo. I have no friends. (very lame rant)

The BBQ Pit
1

This is for Friend #1 who, when I make plans to drive 100 miles to see him, ignores me for two months then tells me he has other plans and can’t even seem to give me 5 minutes to give him his birthday present.

This is for Friend #2 who doesn’t even call me back when I ask to see him to give him his birthday present.

I mean it’s not that important that I spent £50 I can’t afford to spend getting them gifts that I know will mean so much to them.

Or that instead of seeing my friends I’ll be joining my mother on her training course for foster carers.

Or that of the hundreds of times I’ve called to see how they were doing or what they were up to, the total number of calls, texts and e-mails I have received from them totals to about 5 (FOR BOTH OF THEM).

Or that even though I am willing to travel those hundred miles just to make sure they get their presents on time, I didn’t even get a happy birthday from either of them on my 18th, and only received a used book and some money about two weeks later when I had to go down there to get them.

Or that…or that…or that…

This is my me, because for 18 years those two people have been my closest, and only friends and I put up with it. I waited patiently while they made other friends and pushed me to the side. I still wait because I know no better and without them I would truly be alone. This is because I had the audacity to delude myself and believe I could make new friends when I can’t even get a damn treasure hunt to work on this fricking message boards.

Boohoo me. :frowning:

2

Stop being such a needy drama queen, and you might actually make some friends.

First, the whole, self-effacing, “oh, I’m sacrificing to give to my friends,” indicates that this is not about them but about you feeding your own ego. Second, it seems pretty clear that, far from these presents meaning so much to them, that they don’t really want much to do with you.

I assume you’re a female because if you’re male this whole thing becomes even creepeier–guys don’t make big deals out of giving each other gifts. Hell, most guys don’t even give gifts to their best friends (apart from buying them lap dances from strippers).

If people don’t want to be friends with you, accept it and move on. Grow a sense of self-worth and dignity so that people will want to hang with you instead of fleeing you.

3

Yeah. That was pretty lame. No wonder you have no friends.

4

Heh heh. A joke. It isn’t funny if nobody cries. I’ll be your friend – unfortunately I’m busy this decade. What about a pubby?

Heh heh

5

Oh Damn! You’re female. :smack: How’s Tuesday for you? I’ll be your pubby!
Yeah Ok. I’m sorry for being an idiot. I blame Bush - I’ll go kick myself now…

6

Well, hey…here’s a belated happy birthday. :slight_smile:

I am sorry that your friends disappointed you, but don’t give up on finding new, better friends. If you close yourself off to new social opportunities because you assume that you’ll always be alone, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The lesson here is that friendships should be equal investments from both sides. Don’t waste time on people who can’t be bothered to contact you sometimes on their own. That’s time you could be using to find new friends.
Believe me, I know it’s not always easy to make friends…bu even if you just start off by finding online friends in your area and meeting up with them offline, that’s a start.

7

Sorry nocturnal_tick, but it seems pretty clear that you need these friends far more than they need you. The fact that you are buying them gifts that you can’t afford, yet they can’t even be bothered to take them off you, pretty much spells it out. You are acting needy and what’s more, they know it. They know they can treat you like crap, and you’ll take it. And even if you don’t take it, they don’t care.

So three steps for you;

1/ Dump these ‘friends’. They don’t give a damn about you.
2/ Invest time getting new friends.
3/ For god sake don’t act needy. People smell needy a mile off and it’s not attractive.

(I said three steps, I didn’t say they’d be easy steps.)

8

Friends are way overrated! Dogs are much better.

9

Maybe you should stop stalking them?

I don’t know what it’s like for girls but guys are basically emotional camels. My friends and I can go months or years without saying two words to each other. Not because we are mad or anything but just because we just don’t have anything to say. But then put us in a room together for a few minutes and its like old times. The down side is that it is very hard to make any kinds of plans with my friends since the plan usually involves a phone call 15 minutes before they want to go out:
“Yo…we’re hanging out at Mercury Bar…come hang out…” (it’s 11:00pm)
:confused: Come hang out? “I haven’t heard from you since you moved to Germany two years ago asshole!! I might have plans!”
“you don’t have plans”
“fine…I’ll meet you in an hour…”

But that’s guys. Guys tend to be friends for life unless one guy screws the other guy over. And even then they will still hang out just for the chance to get even. Girls tend to be more fickle and catty and will often declare someone “not a friend” for no apparent reason.

The way I see it, the purpose of having friends is to have people to socialize and do stuff with. If someone moves 100 miles away, they have just moved themselves out of “the loop” and there really is no reason to maintain a relationship unless they are a potential road trip destination. What the fuck do I need 50 people I never ever see sending me greating cards and shit?

There’s this college reunion event we go to every year but I’m kind of at the point where I’m like “screw it”. It’s just not worth it to go to this event and hang out with a bunch of guys I see once a year only at this event so we can drink some beers, catch up on old shit and play “Old School”.

Friends - Don’t have em, don’t want em, don’t need em!!
-Al Bundy

10

Number one, they’re not your friends. At all. So don’t bother talking to them anymore. Number two, I can’t imagine anything less attractive than being harrangued to accept birthday presents from someone whom I didn’t like - since they obviously don’t like you. No offense, but you’re probably coming across as pathetic and needy, and even if I liked someone at first, if they acted like that, they would quickly become repulsive and nauseating to me.

11

At the risk of this turning into a bit of a pile-on: I agree with the others.

Your OP came across as woefully needy, a trait that can be smelled a mile away and really isn’t attractive. In anybody. I’ve had quite a few friendships with guys and for the most part, they’re really not into all that sentimental “I got you the perfect gift!” stuff.

This is the part that clinched it for me:

Honestly? Sounds like they’re trying to shake you and you’re hanging on like a pit bull. Where’s your pride, woman? I had a friend who for a couple of months didn’t return my calls and made a habit of cancelling plans at the last minute or worse, just not showing up. The last time I called and she asked “can I call you back?” I responded “please, don’t bother.” That was the last time we spoke, about 2 years ago. I miss hanging out with her, sure. She was really fun. But at the expense of my self-esteem and pride? No thanks. I’d rather be alone than feel as if I’m a burden on those I hang with.

You’ll also never make new friends if you don’t put yourself out there and lose the needy vibe. Because that vibe? Acts like people repellant. Are there people at work or school that seem cool? Try forming a study group or some sort of outing with them. But for Og’s sake, don’t force anything. That’s the worst way to make friends.

Good luck.

12

OK, first thing: I said this was a lame rant. I don’t need the facts repeated to me several times. I felt a pang of anger and frustration, and I took it out on my keyboard. I never asked for sympathy, for your so-called advice, and so you take it out on me. Bravo!

I was going to go on the attack, wrote out a whole speech. But what’s the fucking point. I’ll misconstrue, you’ll find the flaws and wear them down. I’ll try to elaborate, you’ll call me a liar, a hypocrite and an attention seeker.

So here are the facts:

I’m not a woman, I’m a man. I’m sorry if that creeps you out gobear.

These were my friends from age 2, they were as loyal as brothers when I was around but I was the only one who put effort into the friendship. As soon as I left I realised that but I thought that kind of friendship was worth saving. Obviously I was wrong. I knew I was wrong before I started this thread and got advice I never asked for. I knew it before I bought the gifts, which I bought because even though they don’t care I still do.

I cannot make friends. I have tried for 18 years and the best I could come up with is these two. They were my only friends until college, and then I had none for two years. I just simply have no capacity for it or maybe I am just this attention whore that I come across as and I’ll never change. All I know is right now what little remains of my friendship will most likely end on thursday morning when I drop off their presents and that saddens me and angers me because I look in the mirror and hate what I have allowed myself to become. So I write this thread.

I have never been needy, in terms of my friendship. When I said this:

I meant my entire life, not just a year or so. I’d call once every few weeks, see how they were doing. If they needed help I provided it, if they wanted to talk I was there to listen. Heck I had to stay with one for a week to finish my G.C.S.Es because I had moved and without me he wouldn’t have passed half of his exams. I never asked of them anything other than the decency you would bestow on any friend.

This entire thread isn’t about some recent event. This is my entire life in terms of friendships. If I sound needy and desperate it is only because I had to get this out, selfishly I had to tell someone even if nobody listened. But you did listen, and while you could have walked away you found the time to criticize me for something I already admitted was stupid and had already self-criticized. You found the time to find the faults I am ashamed of and parade them in front of me for no benefit other than some belief in yourself that you did the right thing. Well you didn’t. And even if you did, I had already done it.

Are we done now?

13

You can make friends. Anyone can make friends. To do so, however, you may have to do things differently than you have done them in the past. The fact that people’s comments about your OP were so universally negative should not be taken as a sign that you are fundamentally flawed (as you seem to have assumed), but should instead be a heads-up that you are projecting an attitude that is a huge barrier to making and keeping friends.

OK, you’re laying on the drama a little thick here. If you want to vent without hearing what a bunch of idiots think about it, don’t post to a public message board.

I feel for you, and I suspect many of the people who posted to this thread feel for you as well. If you were to post a request in MPSIMS for advice on how to make better friends than these two dicks and keep an open mind to what people tell you, I think you’d be amazed at how many people are willing to take the time to try to help you improve your situation. But this thread has the tone of “be impressed by my the vastness of my martyrdom!”, which is never going to get a positive response from a bunch of strangers on the Internet.

14

All I can say is, if this is how you react to anyone who gives you constructive criticism no wonder you don’t have any friends.

Okay, that was a low blow. But there really was no need for that last nasty post. How long have you been a member here? Have you not observed that when people post about personal dramas they are almost always met with advice? Is that why you posted the OP? So people would give you advice and thus allow you to play the martyr? Because that’s what it seems like.

Seriously, open a live journal if you want to vent without feedback. And if criticism is so damned hard for you to take, quit posting threads on a public freaking messageboard.

Sheesh.

15

Just because it is a public messageboard doesn’t mean that you must post even if you have nothing decent to say. I can understand that people may want to give advice or they may offer criticism against my character. But what is the point of saying things like this:

If this really was meant as a joke, then fair enough but the point about it still stands.

The advice, although unwanted, was appreciated just for the efforts to help me and I can except that some criticism like this:

will come from what I had to say. My second post was aimed at the other comments, especially gobear’s that were not critical, but intentionally condesending and malicious. I apologise to anyone else if you feel that I am not accepting, if not thankful for what you had to say, because I am.

16

Messageboards aren’t required to be all fluffy balls of rainbows and sunshine with some pretty birds and flowers included. I’m not usually one to say anything bad to people or their posts, but most of the replies here are trying to be a bit more abrupt to get you to see how whiny you’re being. It’s the text equivalent of someone slapping the side of your face and saying, “snap out of it, man!”

Like I said, I try not to say mean things on messageboards (or at least not very often at all ;)), but you are really coming across as whiny, clingy and pathetic in this thread. You sound insecure but want to say why you are just so you can get reassurances like, “oh, it’s all their fault, they’re horrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrible and we know you’re a wonderful person!” or “you’re such a wonderful person spending money you can’t afford on their birthday presents!” etc. Yes, they are rather dickish by not at least having the balls to be honest with you and say whether or not they just don’t want you as a friend anymore.

But all the signs clearly point to just giving the fuck up, wouldn’t you say? I understand that you’re probably a bit depressed and insecure about making friends. But getting rid of “friends” and at least trying to make actual ones will most likely do a world of good. Now get some dignity, for God’s sake, and brush those two out of your life.

And if you find this post to be horribly nasty to you, then bite me. I’m trying to clarify how and why everyone is replying how they are and honestly, the way you’re posting is extremely frustrating. Try taking a step back and see how your style seems almost hysterical and defensive. If you post something on a public messageboard, be prepared for replies of all kinds.

17

Boo-friggin-hoo! If ytou just wanted your hand patter, you should have [osted this in MPSIMS and you could have had the pity party you wanted. But here you get some truth, and the truth is that you are a needy, emotionally disturbed drama queen. Every one of your posts demonstrates that you are a clingy, self-pitying pain in the ass, which is guaranteed to send potential friends away from you. If you want new friends, then those are behaviors you are going to have to change.

Now if you refuse to do the work and make those changes, if you think that people here are just being mean to poor widdle you, then get used to being lonely and frustrated the rest of your life.

Be your own friend first, find self-satisfaction and pride in who you are, then your self-confidence and energy will attract, not repel, people.

18

You know, I’ve got to agree with the others again.

If you truly want to make friends, than you’re going to have to make some personal changes in your attitude. Something you’re projecting is preventing you from making friends. At the risk of sounding harsh, if you’ve only made 2 friends over the course of your entire 18 years, the problem is with you, not the people you meet. So obviously, something needs to change with you and change absolutely cannot happen unless you’re willing to look at your faults and allow others to point them out to you. You need to learn to accept constructive criticism without taking it so personally. I know it’s a lot easier said then done, but it’s the only way to achieve the change you need.

19

This goes both ways, you know.

20

nocturnal_tick, there must be something about you that makes you only have 2 friends in 18 years (not including acquaintances). Are you shy? Are you a drama queen? Are you clingy? Some things are hard to admit, but I can definitley tell you why I have issues. You need to come to terms with yourself and work on those problems. Shit sucks when it becomes real doesn’t it?

For starters, what kind of work are you in (also, what is your perception of your co-workers in relation to you, do you get invites for things?). And what hobbies/sports are you involved in? …dare I say girlfriend?