“Her friends call her Gladys”
Speaking of which, does anybody know if the 1970’s movie The Arena (the original version, with a butt-naked Pam Grier) is out on DVD? Guess I could just look it up.
Otherwise, think I’ll stick to Spartacus.
Oooh, two hours of Mr. Crowe decomposing on the arena floor. Entertainment.
Man, that stuff on the floor of the average theater is awfully tough to wash off, ain’t it?
Jester, I love you and wish to bear your children.
Gladiator 2: Electric Boogaloo
Gladiator 2: Still Gladiatin’
Gladiator 2: How the Gladiator Got His Greaves Back
…you know, maybe I’m kind of missing the point of the thread here, but how the hell could they possibly justify a sequel? You know, considering that just about everyone we care about in the movie dies (Cept for Connie Nielson and her son). The movie was about one man’s search for vengeance, and now that both the man and his enemy are dead…
…I think too much.
The second Neverending Story movie bore almost no resemblance to the second half of the book. Any resemblance that occurred was purely coincidental. They ignored a perfectly good plot line and instead came up with something totally different.
The bastards.
Gladiator shmadiator
Well, Juniper, I don’t know much, but I do know a good sig line when I see one. If I may…
::does the booty-shakin’ “I’ve been sigged!” dance::
Damn you! I was just typing that in.
It’s easy.
Power goes to Connie Neilsen’s head, and as the steward of Rome in the name of her Son, she wields the power ruthlessly, practically disolving the Senate, and instituting a corrupt and heartless and totalitarian state the equal of the one envisioned by her brother.
Her lone opposition is the white haired Senator. Through an evil machination the empress has him accused of a crime and arrested along with the rest of the loyal opposition, thus consolidating her power.
One of the Senator’s children makes a harrowing escape though he is only a boy. He evades the soldiers and rides off into the wilderness.
Months later, have starved, dishevelled and wounded he shows up at a humble farm on an outlying provence, and delivers the Senator’s message to a bearded, yet curiously familiar looking farmer.
He takes in the boy to feed him, but suddenly soldiers show up. They have been chasing the boy. The farmer fights valiantly, almost overcoming his adversaries though they outnumber him 10 to one. But, he gets hit in the head by a mace, collapses into a pool of blood, and is put in a cage with the boy and brought back to Rome.
Through the hair and the beard and the blood we nonetheless get a closeup.
It is Maximus!
Cut to the end of the previous movie.
Connie Nielsen says “He was a soldier of Rome. Honor him.”
The Senator says “Who will help me carry him?”
They carry the body away.
Cut to scene of Maximus pushing through the wheat towards the old ruined fort and the oaken doors where his dead wife and kid await.
They smile at him and then wave goodbye.
Maximus opens his eyes. He’s lying on a cot covered with a bandage on his side. The senator is grinning at him.
“Is he dead?” Maximus asks.
“Quiet now, Maximus. Save your strength. He is dead… As are you.”
Maximus looses consciousness again, as he looks upon the Senator’s grinning face.
Through a quick montage of cut scenes showing a dialog between Maximus and the Senator as he heals.
“None were more surprised than I,” says the Senator "to find that the blood still ran through your veins and your heart still beat. For a moment I thought we should finish the job. After all, you killed the Emperor. What choice had we other than to let you die and pronounce you a hero, or let you live and make you Emperor?
Rome does not need another Emperor. Even one such as you. We gave you a hero’s funeral, Maximus. None but I, and a few trust vassals knew that you had survived the Emperor’s knife.
If we allowed the truth to get out you would overbalance the politics of a fragile Rome.
Yet you live. I could not kill or allow to die such a man as you. I suppose you could go to the Senate and reveal my treachery. But I am gambling that you will see the wisdom in my words, and allow Maximus to remain safely and conveniently dead. For the good of Rome."
“What am I to do?” asks Maximus.
“Take these coins,” says the Senator. “Here is the deed to some land I own in an outlying provence. Go and live as you would. You have earned it.”
Maximus clasps the Senator’s hand and takes the coins.
Cut to the present.
Maximus is taken before Connie Neilsen, who has grown as evil and terrible as her brother. She finds humor in the fact that Maximus has survived. It is quite entertaining.
She is a little pissed though that Maximus never bothered to look her up and she makes an overture at him, practically offering him the crown if he will stand beside her.
He spits.
With an ironic grin she concedes that mayber her brother had the right idea after all, and she has him sent to the coliseum.
You know the rest.
Gladiator Harder ?
WOW! That sounds good, Scylla!
And oddly enough, it wouldn’t surprise me if that IS what happenes…
Scylla, it’s good, but remember, it’s a Hollywood sequal. Needs more dinosaurs.
Yet if it were Neverending, there wouldn’t be a chance to make a sequel, would it? The FIRST one would… never end!
Well, the extra special edition of the DVD contains a looping feature so the movie doesn’t really end, just repeats endlessly. And you can never shut it off.
I’ve even figured out the title for my treatment
Gladiator II: Maximus Overdrive
Now if I could only figure out how to bring Braveheart back.
“Braveheart” is easy, Scylla. Just have the guy who supposedly cut his head off actually have cut the ropes holding him. Then the executioner pulls off his hood and shows that he’s not the real executioner at all, but Socrates, who Wallace met when he was in this totally bodacious time-traveling phone booth…
Wait. I’m thinking of “William Wallace’s Excellent Adventure.” Crap.