This is the one I’ve heard most often. The thing is, very few people want to date an abrasive know-it-all, regardless of gender, just like very few people want to date a doormat.
ETA: Obviously, being smart doesn’t automatically make you an abrasive know-it-all, but I’ve met more than a few people who think that their higher-than-average intelligence excuses them from also being kind and considerate.
Yes - guys who date super controlling and/or high maintenance women. In some cases you know it’s because she’s really hot, but I see a lot of guys with women who are both bitchy and unattractive. I suppose it’s because they think they can’t do any better.
If there was a sci-fi movie called The Post From Another Thread, that would be the star.
I can’t remember ever hearing a woman complain about being A Nice Girl, but in my experience it’s not uncommon for women to complain that guys are jerks and only like bitches. That’s sort of similar. Like Nice Guys, those women usually don’t know how their own behavior looks to other people, and maybe don’t understand what guys are looking for.
But those girls don’t usually say “he left because I was too nice and he just likes to date psychobitches”. Those girls usually either think a) they weren’t devoted ENOUGH so he left OR b) they weren’t pretty enough.
What makes the “nice guy” thing distinctive in my mind is that it’s about being too virtuous for the other sex to properly value. It always has this hint of condescension-- “I’m always the kinder/more devoted/more put upon partner, yet I always get dumped. I guess they want a typical guy–an asshole”. The subtext is that they are uniquely kind and sensitive for their gender. Women who have the same traits tend to expect the woman to be kinder/more devoted/more put upon, so they aren’t as indignant about it. On the other hand, when a woman says “I intimidate men with my intelligence”, the subtext is “unlike most women, who either are stupid or play stupid”. This is why I think it’s the counterpoint. It’s about being mad at the other gender for not celebrating how exceptional you are.
I consider myself a “nice girl” and what others have said is correct. If a guy I want doesn’t want me back I do indeed assume it’s because I’m not pretty enough. I assume all men want both nice and hot, but they’re willing to give up nice for hot - or at least hotter than me (not too hard to find).
And I don’t complain outloud about it, like the boys often do, because then I have to go around complaining about how not-hot I am and that would suck.
This is exactly the behavior that defines the Nice Guy, and it is by no means unique to men. The women who engage in it probably don’t complain about the same things that men are, but yes, they’re out there.
This was my problem - I was a tomboy as a kid, and because I was small and scrawny even into my teens, it was hard to get the guys to see me as a GIRL, because they were so used to seeing me as one of their pals, not a potential date.
Isn’t the “nice girl” thing a historic relic? Pre-sexual revolution, didn’t girls complain that boys were only out for one thing and if they didn’t put out, they’d lose the guy to the sluts who would?
I haven’t heard it lately or maybe ever, but then I don’t know why women would tell me in the first place.
I just thought of another thing that fits this same “my failure is because of my specialness” thing, but that applies to both sexes: the “I’m just too picky” or “I could be in a relationship today if I were willing to settle”. This only applies to girls that don’t date at all and are looking to explain it, not girls that typically have relationships fall apart right after take off. Like the “nice guy” and the “too-smart girl”, the “picky person” is asserting that a) there’s nothing wrong with them, it’s everyone else, so they don’t need to reevaluate their own life and b) other people that are in relationships may well only be there because of their own inadequacies.
You don’t sound “nice”. You sound angry and judgemental and self-important. What “food chain” is it you think you will reach the top of? And a guy isn’t allowed to watch the game on Sunday afternoon or have a beer with his friends?
Look. Bottom line is, whether you are a man or a woman, if the person you like just isn’t that into you, chances are it’s because they think something about you sucks.
