The speculum being a shiny metal piece of hardware that is cranked open with a KRIK KRIK KRIK sound. It is probably based on a medieval torture implement, and would probably be very useful in stuffing a turkey. Also, it has a pistol grip, which men like.
On a good day, the doctor doesn’t scrape your cervix with the q-tip hard enough to make you bleed, but on a bad day, he does.
No, but they do stick there finger up your ass to check the uterin (sp) walls. You men have it easy with exams…they never warm up those damn speculum (sp) things, they are cold and metal. You are spread eagle and vulnerable.
God I hate physicals so much that I almot want to puke from the though of it.
Pablito’s more or less right. But do women have the “holes” for descending testicles & in the case of hernias, intestines?
And as for medical ladies fondling my testes, it was a nurse practioner who discovered my testicular cancer. So, sit back & relax, fellas.
Is a speculum like a twatclamp?
At my OB/GYN’s office, the nurse comes in and takes my blood pressure and asks the initial questions. Then the doctor joins us and she stands at my hip facing the doctor while he does the exam. I’ve had four different OB/GYNs and I just thought that was the way it was always done.
I asked a doc once, and she said that she was checking the old ovaries for size and shape. Ovarian cancer is usually silent until it’s Too Late, so they like to check things out while they can.
Otherwise, I’d have to say that the descriptions given by various female posters is correct, particularly the sound of the speculum. My docs are never happy until my butt is hanging OFF the table, though, it seems.
I, personally, have worked out an arrangement…I will wear a muumuu (which is my general attire) and slip off my panties, and the doc/nurse won’t bother with that silly piece of paper. I’m USED to any germs that are on the muumuu anyway. Ask your doc or nurse if you can bring your own dressing gown, which will be warmer and less embarrassing, if that sort of thing bothers you. I don’t mind being partially nude, but I DO mind wearing paper. I have to take off my shoes and socks every time, though, because I’m diabetic and the doc always wants to check my feet.
I have had an inguinal hernia, and believe me, I didn’t need anyone to tell me that something was terribly wrong. I did have a hard time finding someone who could tell me what was wrong, though. Because of the pain I was having, my fear was that it was something ovarian. My gynecologist couldn’t fit me in her schedule, so they scheduled me to see a Nurse Practitiner. She assured me that nothing was wrong, and that I did not have a hernia, because “women don’t get those.” I finally went to a GP who did a pelvic exam, but she also did have me cough while she felt the spot on my lower abdomen (from the outside). I don’t think the pelvic helped in the diagnosis other than to rule out an ovarian cyst.
I’d also like to add to the above excellent description of a gynecological experience that the light is not some little penlight or table lamp. It’s more like a klieg light. While you’re freezing your tush off lying naked on the table, the bulb is blazing away at 250[sym]°[/sym] approximately 1/4" from the inside of your right knee.
Another thing is the lube - they’re never stingy with that! The final treat is when you have to squish up off the table & put your clothes on so you can run quickly to the restroom & try to remove the excess 1/2 cup of K-Y.
HA! Apparently I should have bolded the “as a woman” part. Unless you think I’m one of those single-testicle havin’ women. 
“After the initial prodding, he calls his assistant into the room”
Pundit, thanks for that most detailed account. They do have to have a second person in the room, its kinda one of those ethic things, you know? I wonder if a guy patient gets a second person in the room too?
Not that I’ve ever seen, although when I’ve had a female doctor, she has always asked if I want a male “escort” in the room.
The last time I was at the doctor I saw a sign on the wall - “Patients may request a male or female escort at any time”. Umm, yes doctor, I would like a female “escort”. Maybe 2 or 3?
I always thought it was one of those “I need a witness in here who can testify that I’m not molesting my patient” things. Interestingly, I went to a female gynecologist once and she didn’t bother with the witness. I don’t understand why not.
Just wanted to mention, my doc (NP, actually) a)is a woman b)offers gowns made of actual cloth in various fetching patterns (paisley, flowers or Plain Blue) c)uses a plastic speculum which isn’t cold d)hollered at some docs on my behalf.
All of which I’m starting to appreciate immeasurably. I would never see a male OB/GYN for a pelvic. At least a woman knows how it feels (awful).
The purpose of the nurse is to make sure the doc is being “appropriate” with the patients. Woman doctors don’t need them.
Er, sorry, OT.
I have a female gynecologist and I’ve never had the “witness” situation. Then again I am a college student, and we all know how wonderful college health centers are…
Please tell me you meant “ass” as a euphemism for “vagina.” Otherwise, I think you probably need to get yourself a new gyno… :eek:
Sorry I hijacked your thread, Tib.
Tech, your doc does rectal exams, too? Geesh, I guess I should consider myself lucky only to be prodded in one orifice.
bluethree, the speculuum my doc uses is opened with a spring, not cranked. Mechanically it reminds me of a curling iron, only wider. And not hot.
Lynn, great advice. I’ll try to remember to bring my own gown next time.
Nope, most every GYN exam I’ve had includes a rectal exam as well. The docs like to be able to see if everything is in place THERE as well, and as long as they’re gloved and lubed, they figure they might as well go for it. I THINK, but I am not sure, that a bimanual exam (one hand in each orifice) is checking for size and placement of the uterus.
And yeah, I’ve had to wait for a female “witness” before a doc could examine me, if the doc is male. In fact, most male practitioners won’t examine females without a witness, just for their own protection. Or possibly for insurance reasons.
Now that you mention it, I don’t think I’ve ever had a female doctor bring a witness in. I don’t understand that either. I know for a fact that my GP is a lesbian, so what’s the difference?
My doc using a plastic one too. I only go to a male OB/GYN though. My first doctor was a woman and she was rough enough that I swore I wouldn’t go to another female OB/GYN again. Since then I’ve only had male doctors and every single one of them has been very kind and gentle.
I haven’t had a rectal exam each time, but it’s been done a few times. 
I’m still in my early 30s and I think they really start doing it when you’re 40.
I think they start doing it whenever you’re least expecting it. 
My new doc has a little fiber-optic light that fits right into the freezing cold speculum. It’s really neat. Although I must look pretty odd with light pouring out of my cooter.
And nobody’s ever asked me to turn my head and cough.
Ok, so now that we all know what goes on during a big ole’ in depth exam, if you catch my meaning, what exactly do you have to do when you just go in for a physical?
I played sports all through high school and college, and being a member of the male persuation, I have coughed with my head turn many times. Luckily, all of the doctors I have had the privelege of not coughing on have had nice warm hands. Which is nice since it means I didn’t accidentally do damage to their fingers when I sucked 'em up. Ahh… those were the days.
But those days are gone, and so I really must ask, what do they do to check the ladies? Surely they don’t rip out the stirrups and other riding gear before they let you join the swim team? What’s the standard practice for school physicals?
I really must know…
Tenebras
Same thing they do for you guys, just without the turn and cough thingie.