A common euphanism for masturbation on places like fark is ‘killing kittens’. This is derived from the quote “Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten” (featuring a Domo-kun chasing after a scampering kitten).
However, I’ve noticed this expression is always used in a masculine sense. Is ‘killing kittens’ universal? or does God resort to killing puppies, bunnies, etc every time a woman masturbates?
Being male, God’s not going to do anything to discourage women from masturbating.
Not many people know this, but every time you kill a kitten, God masturbates.
BAND NAME!
So you’re asking what the euphemism is for woman masturbating?
Talking about women masturbating is a fairly recent thing…in common public, I mean. Women aren’t supposed to enjoy it, you know…just lie back and think of England.
I mean, I don’t even talk about it with my girlfriends. I would have no idea what words to use if I was inclined to tell them about it (why?)
The succint answer is no, we don’t kill kittens.
I don’t read the FARK boards, so I can only speak for myself, but I’ve used “killing kittens” to talk about masturbating since I first saw that picture you talk about a couple/few years back and I’m a woman. I even list it (killing kittens) as an interest on live journal.
So my succinct answer is yes, I do kill kittens. I never realised it was only supposed to be for male masturbaters, but that wouldn’t have changed my using it if I had. I often tell people to “suck my dick” despite not having one.
What if you already killed a kitten as part of your masturbation? What does God do then?
Well, if I were God, I’d resurrect it and then kill it again.
I have to agree with this. I mean, I have talked about it in only the most abstract terms, but that was when I found my roommate’s erotica under our couch. I picked it up, thinking, “Oh, ‘Black Lace’. I’ve never heard of this series! Maybe if it looks like a good read, I’ll borrow it.” So I started paging through it, and my eyes got wider and wider. My roommate walked in and said, “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to leave that here. Do you want to borrow it? I have lots more.” She looked really embarrassed, but I had to ask - “Urm… Do you, you know?” She kinda blushed and said, “Well, yeah.” And I said, “Oh, thank God. Me, too. I thought I was abnormal.” She laughed and said, “Hey, feel free to borrow a book anytime.” I thanked her, handed her book back and went on my merry way.
Girls don’t kill kittens. They just “urm, you know.”
Everytime a woman masturbates, God makes a rainbow.
What happens when kittens masturbate?
It surprises me that there are women who don’t talk about masturbation even with their girlfriends. I am a woman who masturbates ALOT. 
I think I do it more than my boyfriend. It is perfectly natural and healthy. Masturbation also helps my relationship because my sex drive is much higher than my SO’s. He would be happy with sex once a week so “killing kittens” works for both of us. I can relieve my stress without having to rip his clothes off ten times a day.
As for slang terms applying to women, the only ones I can think of are “rubbing one out” or “double clicking your mouse”. I think they both sound extremely immature and I refuse to use them.
God kills a masturbator. :smack:
I *do * it. I don’t *talk * about it. I don’t think it’ sunhealthy and I definitely do it more than my boyfriend.
Just the same as I don’t talk about my sex life, either. And yet I have sex regularly.
I find it amazingly uncomfortable in the case of 99.9% of my FEMALE friends to have any clue about what they’re doing in bed. I know about some guys’ sex life and that’s OK, because these guys generally tend to be more laid-back about the whole thing anyway. But I still don’t want to know about a guy jerking off.
Masturbation is loving yourself. Fine then, I don’t want anybody involved, not even to hear about it afterwards.
What? God’s male???
Well, being female, God’s not going to do anything to discourage women from masturbating.
Being Omni-sexual, God’s not going to do anything to discourage women from masturbating.
And being fictional, God’s not going to do anything to discourage women from masturbating.
So there you go, finally something all religions and Atheism can agree on: women should masturbate!
Women “flip the bean.”
Female checking in - I do so regularly, which is how I developed my term for it among the friends I talk to about it (most of my friends are guys - I don’t talk to my female friends about it). My day typically winds down where I have some time to myself about 11pm, so my euphemism is my “11 o’clock appointment”, or just “11 o’clock”. Of course it is then quite interesting when I might happen to have a legitimate 11 AM appointment with a friend who knows of the other kind of 11 o’clock - much sniggering ensues…
I take it for granted that most women I know masturbate (I know I do, and I’m happily married to a man whose sex drive is equal to mine), but I see no reason to talk about it with other women, or even my husband. After all, if it’s my body, I doubt anyone else is going to be able to let me in on any techniques that I’m not aware of. Everyone’s body is different, and since they don’t know my body as intimately as I do, why would we talk about masturbating? If a friend asked, “Hey, do you masturbate?” I’d say yes, but what is there to talk about beyond that?
Most men I know don’t talk a whole lot about masturbation with their friends, either. What is there to say? “So, beat your meat lately?” “Yeah, you know, I find lotion works the best. Provides me with a real smooth glide, you know? What works for you?” “Well, when the wife (or girlfriend, or whoever) isn’t available to suck my dick or to bounce on, I prefer to use a little KY, stroke it, and clean the pipes.”
Unless I’m missing something, there’s not a lot to say about it other than “do you?” “Yeah. You?” “Yup.” “Okay then.”
mr. hard at work calls it “petting the kitty” and when we have sex - “rubbing off the fur”.