Am I missing something? This thread started yesterday, how did you avoid it for at least a week?
Lemme guess, do they blame it on their shoes or the dog? Do they give you a little smirk at the same time? Do they even go so far as to claim that they don’t know how?
My guess is that you are still considered a “new guy” or just barely moved into “not so new guy” territory if she has let one slip. The day she holds you down and farts on your head will be the day you realize she really, really loves you. Lots and lots.
Well, yeah. You just noticed? 
Oh my. I wish you hadn’t made me look for that link, Rachelle.
I’ve now found my favorite from that site. Embarrassingly Long -> Blow By -> Giggler -> Off The Scale.
Now that’s funny!!
I should have noted in my above post that it probably isn’t wise to click ‘Pull My Finger’ if you’re reading this from work.
The only people who are hearing it on my end, as it were, are my neighbors. Sadly, it’s nothing they haven’t heard from my place before… “Ahh geeze honey, it’s that Chris kid again. Sounds like he had Szechuan again last night.”
And pepsigirl, if the idea alone of the Queen having gas gives you the giggles, I hate to see you in your cubicle if you tie one of those sounds in with it too.
That does it. You guys have me convinced. I am going to lunch and eat some chili and come back and give my cubicle neighbors hell! My mechanic husband would be proud. He and his co-workers have fart wars. 
After nearly seven years?
Ah man. I’m glad we broke up then.
I honestly never heard her toot. I remember once I sat on a leather coach and it made that all too familiar noise, she looked at my like I’d lost my mind.
Nah. I think she was geared, or trained, much like pepsigirl and bluethree are- flatulence simply isn’t an option for them, or anyone around them.
Not that there’s anything wrong with it, not at all. Like I said earlier, I’m just surprised so many women are not only willing to admit it, but admit that they enjoy it too.
Ya gotta love that!
I guess my previously conceived notion was that women were more like the ex, a flatuphobian.
Alas, I’m wrong- happily, or more correctly, nervously so. I’m a bit frightened on what my next relationship has in store for me… fart wise. But I’m up to the challenge.
Reading these posts, I am giggling like an idiot. I’d almost forgotten 2 favorites:
A guy named Tony was the next-in-line to the CFO of my company. At meetings, he’d just lift a leg and let go, like anyone else might cough, or clear their throat.
In my first meeting with him present, he cut loose, but everyone else was used to it, so conversation didn’t even pause. It was surreal. I kept wondering if it had actually happened. But then I got used to it.
I was sitting next to the stage in a bar while the band was playing (loudly) and let monstrous fart. The sound was covered by the music, but the smell could have gagged a maggot. The band actually stopped playing in mid-song and the lead mumbled “Who farted?” to the band, but it was clearly heard over the mike.
HA! 
Don’t let those flatuphobians fool ya. I can almost bet that as soon as they are alone they let 'em rip and then giggle to themselves like school girls.
Or not.
NutMagnet - Your band story cracked me right the hell up.
I grew up in a fart-repressed family.
I could count the times I heard my mother fart on the fingers of one hand. I have NEVER heard my father fart. Ever. And he’s 74 now. If you never hear farts, it’s hard to laugh at them!
When my husband and I were first dating, he’d go in another room to fart. I finally let him off the hook on that one. Most of his farts are pretty ordinary and nothing to write home about, as are mine. But we both think it’s funny if there is an unusual tonal quality or duration to them.
The funniest farts I’ve ever witnessed, however, were from a dog of ours, now dead and gone, rest his soul. He’d fart, look at his butt in genuine alarm and flee the room!
I may have a discusting sense of humor but I have NEVER farted on my fingers. That is just nasty.
I would say 75% of my farting is done on the toilet - not a place of laughter really. I only pass gas in front of family members. If my fart makes a little noise, I smile at the person next to me and say, “A kiss for you.”
Farting can be funny but dangerous too. I had a boyfriend who killed three little Zebra Finches by farting. For some reason I still haven’t figured-out, he kept their cage in the bathroom. This guy could also fart while running, a trick I’ve never mastered.
I’ve also wondered if all this macho farting is the cause of men’s skid marks in their undies. I have never seen a pair of women’s underpants with skid marks on them.
Nah. Skid marks are the direct result of ‘turtles’.
Women don’t get ‘turtles’ because, well, women don’t shit.
You haven’t looked very far. Read some Bukowski as this is a recurring sub-theme in his writing.
Yep, it’s in my Fav Places now. The Ryskid is gonna bust a gut.
Heck, I’m a girl and I just farted while reading this thread.
But, Diane, you admitted in a previous post you fart into the phone, which you must then hold next to your mouth! That’s some pretty nasty stuff right there too :D.
Yeah, but mine smell like roses so it isn’t as nasty as you would think. But fart on my fingers? Ewwww!!! Who knows where my fingers have been!
I’d sort of like to see a Dutch opinion on the old Dutch Oven…I’ll bet you 10 Guilders they insist it’s originally Flemish…
This is an old UL, I heard that Shelly Winters accused Ernest Borgnine of pulling a “Dutch Oven” on her during the honeymoon as grounds for their divorce in the 1950’s.
Would that have, uhh, been upheld by a court of law?
Most women don’t pass gas…since they wear pantyhose they just blow a toe every now and then.
[sup]It’s a damn shame Jerry Clower ain’t here to tell that one[/sup]
Ha Ha!!! I laughed till I cried at your post CrankyAsAnOldMan Hubby even got called to read it. I’ll see you a 1000 calories and raise you 100
BTW in your pic you look as though butter woulden’t melt in your mouth.