Well, Ya' Know? MY Wife's Farts.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

WTF, mannnnnnn???:eek::eek::eek:

I can be snuggled up behind her, and all of a sudden, there’s this noxious, disease-ridden, odor wafting through the Ogdamm bedspread, and all I was doing was lying there, keeping all my bodily odors in check, because, after all, she’s a lady, right?

Hell, I don’t even SNORE! If I hear myself do that, I wake up right away and there’s a second bedroom (bunk-beds) I can go to and I won’t bother her with that noise.

Oh, BTW, don’t worry. She doesn’t check in on the Dope that much, so go ahead and answer whatever you want to.

So when I recoil in distaste, she says something like, “Oh Tee-Hee! Musta been the black-eyed peas we had!”;);):wink:

And what???

I’m supposed to “enjoy” them one last time as they leave her intestines, or what???:eek::eek::eek:

The “Silent Seepers” (George R.I.P. Carlin called 'em that) are gonna do us in, guys!

I THINK that’s what’s causing the “ozone holes”!:eek::eek:

Ah, Jeeez.:slight_smile: All that up there was just satire, ya know? :slight_smile: I truly love my D, and if she ever farted in the tub, I’d be the first to “bite the bubbles”.:smiley:

(Yep, another GC quote! Og! I miss him, don’t y’all???)

Quasi

2

Quasi it’s time to show your wife what a “Dutch Oven” is.

3

Don’t you have any animals in the house she can blame it on? Sheesh.

ETA: I blame my farts on my cat all the time, even when she isn’t in the room. I think my husband may suspect something. :smiley:

4

OMG, I just had to look this up. That’s CRUEL! :eek:

5

Q What is the definition of a sadist?

A Someone who farts in bed then fluffs the eiderdown.

Seriously, we have traced global warming to my husband. Not the cows, him. He has given up beans and bread for the sake of the planet.:wink:

6

Oh please, in the spirit of the children’s book, Everyone Poops, everyone farts. If you’re complaining about her’s, she is somewhere complaining about yours.

As far as snoring, I know from personal experience, you can’t always hear your own. My husband complained about my snoring for years. I didn’t believe him, but to apease him I had a sleep study. Now I have to wear a nose hose (C-PAP) at night.

7

Women are evil and sneaky. They don’t like hairy legs on men, so they get us to snuggle up to them at night. Then they will cut farts that burn the hair right off your legs and out of your nose.
Then they giggle about it.

8

Last I checked, “fluffing the eiderdown” was a standard euphemism for bed farts. (It is now, anyway.)

9

Heh-heh!

I love it and can see it’s a universal problem which “binds” us all together, as it were! :slight_smile:

BTW, I looked up George Carlin’s quotes, and I don’t think he ever mentioned “biting the bubbles in the bathtub” (correct me if I’m wrong, though).

IIRC (and I don’t too often), that came from my high school days and was the definition of what a Frap is: “A guy who bites the bubbles in the bathtub”.

Some funny answers in this thread though, thanks.

But, to keep from bein’ slapped upside da head, I think I’d better just keep 'em to myself, okay?:wink:

Thanks

Q

10

I remember the biting bubbles thing being the standard answer to “what is the definition of gross?”

11

I defer to Ellen Cherry’s correction, but I do seem to remember that in high school (after I grew my hair out and started playing in a rock group - long story) we did once use the term “Frap” (a bastardization of the word “Frappe’”, perhaps?) to define anyone who would do that.

However, I dare not tell the lovely D I would do that! :o

Despite her noxious fumes, she’s a precious lady.

Q

12

Quasimodem–if you have a single iota of self-preservation or a scrap of common sense, you will tell her it smells like frikkin roses!!!

Can you remember that?

13

Um, okay, Bos, but the “frikkin roses” smell: does that come “out the ying-yang” or “out the wazoo”?:wink:

I know the two are close together.

Just making sure.
Oh, and the “common sense” part?

Never had it, never will. :wink:

How long have you known me, and shouldn’t you know that by now, my friend? :wink:

J/K:D

Q

14

BOTH! *Both *smell like roses, & the “tooting” is merely the Sound Of Angels Sing-ing!

And remember to thank her, its only polite.

15

Okay! :slight_smile:

Or how about, “Good one, Babe!”?

Q

16

Simple solution: eat more beans yourself and FIGHT BACK!

Typo Knig and I have a tradition of of one of us letting 'er rip and then loudly apologizing, while the other loudly howls “Oh my gawd, what did you eat and HOW LONG HAD IT BEEN DEAD!”.

We figure we both have very healthy hearts :smiley:

17

Hubby keep telling me his smell like CHOCOLATE! They don’t.

18

The couple who farts together…

(what? can’t come up with a suitable rhyme! ;))

Q

19

My beagle Nordberg sleeps under the covers at the foot of the bed. When the SO lets loose .I have seen Nord just get up and go sleep on the couch.
I was watching the Tv in the living room a few years ago when my wife was erupting in bed. My son got out of his bed in his room down the hall and slammed the door. The dogs were in the living room looking in the direction of our bedroom like it was full of pit bulls.

20

This just means that you have to eat enough chocolate to prove hubby right! Get going! :slight_smile: