Well, Ya' Know? MY Wife's Farts.

Huh - my husband’s cat likes to sleep right in his blast zone (on his side with his knees drawn up - behind his knees is the sweet spot for her), and she doesn’t seem to mind getting a faceful of farts at all. Of course, she also like to stick her head in his shoes, too. Cats is weird.

Quasi, I have to admit I had never considered the anatomical proximity of the ying-yang and the wazoo, but you surely must be right!

FWIW, in my childhood lexicon, bubble-biting was done by a gurp.

Thats so you can carry your woman around like a six pack.:smiley:


Bowling ball is what I was told, by a gentleman who was… well, never mind. :smiley:

During the First Gulf War, I was watching the CNN coverage of the air raids on Baghdad. My girlfriend at the time was curled up on the sofa next to me napping. She snoozed peacefully as the sounds of bombs & anti-aircraft fire came from the TV.

Suddenly, she farted so loudly that she woke herself up.


I think it took me an hour to stop laughing.


Read this thread last night as I was smothering in the miasma flowing in from the bedroom where my husband was sleeping (at least I hope so, for his sake).

I own the companion book by the same author, The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts.

Women are taught from an early age to swallow farts. They are able to do that until they get married. Then they skill is lost as they let loose with a huge backlog of accumulated farts. It is the marriage secret that wedding planners seem to neglect telling the groom. They don’t know ,when they get married ,that their hair could look like they stuck their head out of a car window traveling 100 MPH. Don’t get near the working end for at least 3 years.

I do everything in my power NOT to fart on my beloved. I will usually roll away - throw off the covers - spread the cheeks to maximize dispersion and send them to the wind. And my beloved does the same.


What I really appreciate is when he gives me the 3-second warning while I’m massaging his back, and then sounds the all clear when done.

Nothing like being down there and experiencing it.

I do recall a time with an SO when we were doing the humpty-bumpty. Only, some previous play had evidently set forth a chain of events that meant every time he spread my legs - I expelled gas. Like 5 times in a row. Fortunately, we were both rolling on the bed laughing - because otherwise I would have been humiliated.

in case you didn’t click this link, it’s a video clip crailer from the movie.

You misunderstood… he claims HIS smell like chocolate!

BTW, if you didn’t click the link in my first post, its a video clip trailer from the movie.

:smack: Yeah, I saw that on second reading (ie now) :smack:

Still, there’s the carte blanche for someone to eat enough chocolate until their wind smells like cocoa …

Ya need a sense of humour in the bedroom …

That’s the real Girlfriend Experience. (plus getting into bed half an hour after you and putting her cold feet on your legs)

A gorp was a person who farted in the bathtub and ate the bubbles.

My now-wife and I had been dating for a few months. She went to Vegas to meet up with a friend for the friend’s 30th birthday. Unfortunately, eggplant has disastrous effects on my wife’s gas processing unit and she forgot ratatouille has eggplant in it when the two of them had their farewell lunch before heading to the airport to come home.

I picked her up at the airport. As we’re driving back to her place, about 15 minutes from the airport, I get his by this foul, vile, eye watering stench. As I exited off the freeway for her street I rolled the windows up and killed the vent.

She said, “What’s up?”

I said, in all seriousness, “I’m sorry, honey, they must be doing some construction work around here. The stench from that open sewer is killing me.”

She looked mortified for all of a second, then erupted into the heartiest belly laugh I’d ever seen from such a petite and dainty woman.

She was in hysterics for the next five minutes, then she brokenly told me what had really happened in between guffaws. Apparently, since she was little stuffed up from the plane ride, she’d thought she’d been farting scentlessly.

We still joke about that one five years later.

I accidentally gave myself a dutch oven tonight. My boyfriend and I had just gotten into bed. I rolled over to my bedside table to blow my nose (I have a cold). He farted, obviously thinking it was safe because

A) I have a cold and shouldn’t be able to smell anyway.
B) My head way far away from the covers at the time.

Well, I rolled over lifted up the covers and flopped them right back down on over my head.
A few seconds later, my boyfriend found out that I CAN still smell, even when I’m sick.
However, I can’t breathe when I lay down which is why I’m no longer in bed.

My mother always told me that a whomp is when you fart in the bathtub and bite the bubbles. She never told me what the person doing the biting was called though.

My fiance and I try to do that to each other… but we’re aware that the other person does it… so now we have to be covert. It’s become a game. A childish game, yes, but a game. And sometimes it’s fun to be a little childish.

My fiance knows I fart. He knows it can be noxious. And he’s still marrying me in 10 days. He’s a keeper.