I cried a lot over my grandpa (who was actually my grandma’s second husband but he was the only one I knew since her first husband lived a billion miles away in Florida) because I felt like he died too young. He died the first time he had a heart attack and was only 56.
When my grandma (his wife) died a few years later, there was hardly any grief. She had survived like 4 heart attacks and a quadruple bypass. She was an old, rude, controlling battle-axe who was very difficult to get along with. And she actually died because she was smoking a cigarette while on oxygen and ended up being burned beyond all recognition. I maintain that it was a delayed suicide (since she spent a few days in the hospital before she actually expired). I have difficulty mourning her but I’m not ashamed of that. And my mom also confided that she felt very little but relief when grandma died (even though it was her mother, lol).
Meh, you’re not weird on either count. My grandmother died and we had to go sit with my uncle and her body until the funeral home folks came. I didn’t cry then or at the funeral and I wasn’t particularly sad for myself though I was very worried about my mother.
I had a great time at my grandmother’s funeral, a lot of nice folks showed up and it was good to remember her, tell stories, and eat good food.
When my dog died I missed a midterm, smoked a pack of cigarettes, and frankly, I still tear up a little when I think about her.
Grief is weird, don’t sweat it. Like you said, there will be plenty of deaths that hit you hard, small mercy that this one didn’t and it doesn’t mean you didn’t love your nana. I hope you feel better soon.
I don’t generally cry at funerals, even with someone I’m close to. Crying is something I do when I’m trying to release the emotions. At the funeral, I’m just wanting to grieve.
Then again, everyone who was close to me I had come to terms with their death well before the funeral.
Same. The only funeral I’ve been to where the deceased was someone I knew well was my grandmother’s. My grandmother was a nasty woman who abused my mother and I spilled no tears for her. But seeing my grandfather cry openly by her casket was very hard to bear. I cried for him, not her.
This is why I always cry at funerals. The most recent funeral I went to was for a classmate’s mother who died suddenly and very young. I had never even met her, I just went to support my friend. Seeing her and everyone else crying and so upset made me cry.
It depends on how close I was to the deceased, although often I cry just from the mood.
And like others have said, I wouldn’t worry about it. When my aunt died, my cousins (who were only nine and four, respectively) didn’t cry – they just kind of stood there, looking numb. Even though the rest of us were crying, it honestly didn’t surprise me to see them not doing so. (I was eleven at the time). They looked as if they were just going through the motions, like in a trance or something.
I used to feel the same way- I’ve been to funerals of close relatives and to a funeral for a school friend when I was younger. I never cried during any of them and I really don’t recall crying before or after either. However, I lost a friend 2 years ago (a suicide) and I swear to god I never thought the waterworks would turn off. I didn’t even have a choice, the tears just came when they wanted to and HARD. I grieved very hard over it and I don’t know if it was a function of the circumstance or my age or what, but it really truly broke my heart.
My dad was a pretty good parent, but really disapproved of crying in public, so I learned not to. I’ve only cried in front of other people twice in the past ten years, and though one of those times was in reaction to a death, it wasn’t at the funeral.
The only funeral I’ve ever cried at was my mother’s. I had been with her at the hospital for three days, and I had been the one to authorize them to “pull the plug.”
I’ve cried at funerals twice; once for my Mother and once at a funeral where I had to deliver a eulogy for a man I barely knew. He was very old and had only two family members left. For whatever reason giving the eulogy was very difficult. I’ve delivered other eulogies without being emotional but that one got to me.
For me, it depends on a lot of things: how close was I to the decedent, the circumstances of death, etc. I’ve been to funerals where I was only there in support of the family – I didn’t cry then, because the decedent was an asshole, but I felt really bad for his sister, who was a kind, genuine person and was really torn up about the death of her brother.
Grief doesn’t always manifest as tears, either. I doubt very much that you’re not grieving at all, even if you’re not crying. A lot of times we throw up a protective emotional shell around ourselves, or act out/lash out in what appears to be anger, or engage in self-destructive behavior (getting drunk or something) instead. You may not cry simply because you weren’t really close, but feeling emotionally distant from the whole thing is a form of grief too. You may cry days or weeks later. You may never cry. It doesn’t mean that her death hasn’t affected you.
I didn’t cry at my grandmother’s funeral; she was hard to know under the best of circumstances, and she sort of lost herself after my grandfather died. She hadn’t been well for a while, and hadn’t been happy for much longer than that; she lived til 93 and it was a relief that she was no longer in pain/distress anymore. My cousins and I got drunk in the hotel room afterward, though – still no tears, but I was feeling awfully resentful towards Life, the Universe, & Everything right then.
On the other hand, when my godfather passed unexpectedly (auto accident), I had a total sobbing meltdown when I walked up to the casket. It just hit me like a load of bricks all at once.
I loved my Grandmother a great deal, and have nothing but fond and fun memories of visiting her while growing up.
I was about 20 when she died, and was quite sad, but don’t remember crying much.
A few months later, I had to take my 15yo dog and have her put to sleep.
It was July 4 weekend, and all my family had already gone out of town. I was all alone, and just broken-hearted. I buried her out in the country at my uncle’s place, (which I now own), and drove from Atlanta to Savannah, crying the whole way.
I was much more upset about my dog than my Grandmother, and that’s always stuck with me. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but there it is.