Do you ever feel like a tool?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m having one of those nights…again. If anyone is getting tired of my vents just skip this thread please. Apparently my life is an open book.

I’ve been reflecting a bit tonight. It seems like all I’ve done for the past ten years is work for other people’s interests. Even when I socialize or do things with other people I always go along with what they want to do. I never do anything for myself. I feel like my life has been run by other people while I just coast along, nod, and agree without ever doing my own thing. I think it’s because I’m scared of rejection…though lately I’ve been feeling alot of anger about this (I was even daydreaming about taking up boxing!). My anger has increased enough that I’m becoming more frank with people about what I want / how I say what I want.

I want to do my own thing…but I don’t even really know what it is anymore. I have ideas, like teaching abroad, or doing more music training, or branching out elsewhere, but I really need to start doing things for myself.

I’m reminded of Dylan, “You gotta serve somebody”

Anyone else ever feel like this?

2

Of course I do… it’s kinda a career choice, though.

3

Sounds like you’re a bit of a people pleaser and you need to be assertive about your wants and needs. Mind that word though, assertive. That means letting others know your wants and needs but also taking theirs into account. It’s easy to go overboard and become aggressive (particularly when you’ve become angry at yourself for your passiveness in the past).

There are SO many self help books out there for assertiveness, but personally I’d recommend:

  • Don’t Say Yes When You Want To Say No (probably out of print but I’m sure you could source a second hand copy)
  • The Disease to Please: Curing the People Pleasing Syndrome

How much research have you put into the things you’re interested in - teaching abroad, doing more music training, etc?