My shoes are full of holes, and I bought some new ones at the pleading of my coworkers. But I don’t ever wear them. I like the others ones better.
My apartment is as cold inside as it is outside, but I don’t want to turn on the heat.
I’m heading towards my mid-30s and everyone is telling me that I should buy a house. But I don’t want a house.
My car is 18 years old but looks like it’s going on 30. I should want a newer one, but I don’t.
My furniture is covered in craft paint and claw-marks, but I don’t want to get new stuff.
I don’t want any electronic doo-dads. Every day something new comes out and I feel more and more uncool because I don’t want any of it.
My clothes are too big for me because I’ve lost weight. I should want to go to the store and buy a new wardrobe–at least a few new outfits that make me look more dignified. But I don’t want to.
I have my sidewalk vending business, but I don’t make money from it. I give everything away before I close up shop. I don’t even want to make money, I guess.
I should feel contentment, since it seems I have everything I want. But instead, I feel all wrong.
Sometimes, monstro, life does something and makes us forget how to do things, how to want things; how to change psychological states. It just gets easier to stay ‘still’ and live in numbness.
Go and get yourself something new, and different. Make yourself do it, until you remember what a nice feeling it can bring. Otherwise, it can all just become too overwhelming. And then when we HAVE to do it (like if your car dies, or your clothes rot, or there just isn’t enough shoe left to put on) we can’t, without a prescription and major therapy.
If it’s easier, pretend you’re doing it for someone else.
Congratulations, you have achieved freedom from desire and thus attained Enlightenment. You will no longer be reincarnated as a snail/microbe/African or European swallow. Let us Om.
I understand the feeling. I get it sometimes too, especially as I start thinking about what I’m going to do when I graduate. Lots of doctoral students talk about getting into “good schools” when they graduate so they can get on the tenure track. Me? I just want a job. I have no desire to become a superstar. My choice to get a PhD was a mixture of ego (just getting the degree) and minimax strategy (perhaps foolishly, I thought the very worst job I could get with a PhD in statistics was better than the worst job I could get without one). I will have attained my major life goal when I get the degree. Everything after that is gravy. I oftentimes feel guilty that I don’t want more.
Buying a house? Meh. Marriage? Meh. Children? Meh. Friends? Meh. I’m not really excited about any of those. I want a job that lets me enjoy reading, watching movies, and playing video games. I’m really pretty simple to please.
My advice? You have to live for you, not someone else. If you don’t want something, you don’t want it. And people who actively make you feel bad about not wanting something are usually a). trying to correct their past mistakes through you or b).insecure in their own desires.
Humans are inherently curious and like new shiny stuff. Just like magpies but even more compulsive. It isn’t a fault per se in moderation. But our society has become psychotically attached to consumption. Anyone who doesn’t join in feels outside normal society which is your conundrum.
However you have ascended beyond pure consumption and taken a cerebral approach to material goods, recognising need as opposed to want. You da MAN.
You have lost your sense of self. In this situation you really don’t care about material matters or even your own well-being. That can include health and welfare which inevitably leads to a suggestion of depression. [/ul]
However your opening post doesn’t have any sense of that IMHO so…I think you are just slightly eccentric (cheers to Blank Slate) too. All power to you. The only question I’d echo is whether you have a passion for anything - yes, reading is great, but what about ideas, challenges, passions…??
What do you sell? Some kind of crafts, right? It sounds like that makes you and your customers happy? You don’t have to live a life of consumption at all.
However, if an opportunity of some sort comes knocking and you miss it or have to scramble because you don’t have the appropriate clothing, that will be stressful. It sounds good to me that you have new shoes in case you really need them. Get a couple outfits that fit you, too. Maybe you don’t feel contentment because everyone in your life is prodding you. New shoes and clothes will fool them and they will leave you alone. (Maybe.)
I feel that way all the time. My house is a disaster, and I just can’t be bothered to do anything about it. My van is 10 years old and looks like crap, but so long as it gets me from point a to point b… that’s all I care about. I hate shopping for clothes, shoes especially.
I drive a van that’s as old as my children, and I keep thinking to myself I should buy a new vehicle this year, but I kinda don’t want to. It still works fine, even though I had to do a lot of maintenance on it this year.
monstro, instead of a house, buy a condo! It’s still apartment living, but you get equity out of the deal.
Yes, and I thought I had come to terms with it. But I got pulled aside by a coworker yesterday because she said it was concerning that I do not appear to be taking care of myself. The shoes I was wearing needed to be thrown away years ago, she said. I hardly ever eat anything (which just isn’t true at all…I just don’t eat a lot for lunch). I never have any plans for the weekend (she’s one of those types who are always surveying people about their weekend plans). My hair, while always neat, is always in the same style (I didn’t tell her that I cut my hair myself). I’m enigmatic to her, I guess. Which should make me feel special, but instead makes me feel like I’m doing things wrong.
I do go into depressive states, but my mood this week has been pretty good. So I think this is just me thinking about a part of myself that I don’t really like but don’t know how to change. There are other faults I have that I know how to change, but this isn’t one of them.
I am passionate about creating stuff. I’m so passionate about it that I have the compulsion to create as much as I can and then give it away to people. As a way, I guess, to give my life some bigger purpose. It sounds cute and sweet and all, but it’s also bizarre I think. People on the street think so. The way they talk to me suggests they think I’m a homeless crazylady who’s off her meds or something. But nonetheless, they take my offerings and thank me profusely. I guess that’s all I care about.
I just wish I felt normal sometimes. The last time I ever felt like I belonged on this planet was when I was a kid and didn’t know better.
What I would suggest is that you get a few new articles of clothing and start to wear them just to avoid those sorts of busybodies calling you out and getting you to stress about things.
I have a house and don’t want a house and I don’t tend to want the new, hip, cool gadgets either, mainly because I would go “OOH” for about 30 seconds and then I’d forget about it and lose the cord to charge it. Some people simply aren’t materialistic, and it sounds like you are one of them.
Now the apartment heat thing makes me want to hide in a corner. But that’s because I’m always frozen.
Not at all. The act of creating through arts and crafts is an adrenaline rush for a lot of people. I’m a poet; I know from passion about creating things that don’t make me money that I just want to give to people to say, “I hope you find this beautiful.”
You’re not just showing you belong, you’re changing the world through your creations. Yes, the change might be small, but it’s there. You’re laying claim to something.
American culture is so much about stuff, how much stuff you can have, how much your stuff means to you, buying a bigger place to get more stuff. We do a little exchange rate calculation in our heads when we think about winning the lottery or getting a raise and we translate from dollars to stuff. If you aren’t part of that, yeah, you’ll feel like the whole world is on the other side of a fence looking at you and wondering why you’re so weird. How do I know this? Because I’m sitting on the fence, gradually turning my back more and more on the stuff side. Stuff doesn’t make me happy; it’s a burden and a responsibility and it ties me down. But I still feel like I should want it.
Asimovian and I were in Vegas and we walked past a window display of jewelry and I confessed that I wished I liked jewelry. I want to be a person who wants things, just so I can fit in a little better. Don’t get me wrong, I do want things on occasion. I like having new clothes that are pretty and comfortable and fit well, and I just bought two new purses. But there are so many things that I can say, “Oh that’s pretty. No, I don’t want it” that it’s kind of ridiculous. I’ve become the dreaded “hard to shop for” person on people’s Christmas lists. I never wanted to be THAT person, but here I am.
There’s a fine line between Depression and Self-Actualization.
You talk a lot about what you don’t want. Don’t want is fine. But what do you need? Are your needs covered? Are you eating healthy food? Do you bathe regularly? Do you have enough money for financial security? Can you afford and do you take care of medical concerns as they come up? Do you have a friend you can get hugs from and share confidences with?
If your needs aren’t being met and you don’t want to change that, then yes, there’s a problem, most likely Depression, but it could also be a physical thing like hypothyroidism. Definitely worth getting checked out.
If your needs are covered, don’t worry about being eccentric. As they say, those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.
You want feedback on not wanting anything, so that’s a want.
On a more serious note, your post reminds me of a This American Life episode (based on a GQ article) about a guy who had a disorder that meant he has very low testosterone. He lost all desire to obtain wealth, watch TV, etc. Life became very flat for him, even though he wasn’t depressed. Could it be a hormonal issue? ETA: which is not to say that a lack of desire for material possessions is evidence of a disorder, just that if it feels wrong to you, or is a departure from your past personality, it may be something hormonal.
Sometimes you need to let go of the past to make way for new and better things.
Never conform to what others want you do to – because, their voiced concern is all about them, not you. (Thank goodness they’re not urging you to find a wife!)
I’m also old school when it comes to electronics. There was a time when my skill at programming a VCR was highly valued, but nobody’s even seen a VCR in years.
If you’re talking about depression (obviously) then just ride it out, if you can.
As for not wanting stuff – I’m exactly the opposite. Until recently, everything I wanted always ran away from me. Times are changing, though.
Ultimately, everything is temporary – even the Universe itself. Always keep that in mind.
