I have gone outside to get in my car to drive to work and had to return to the house upon realizing that I’d forgotten to put my shoes on. Another time I was concerned that my car battery was dead, because it wasn’t starting. Then I realized I hadn’t put the key in the ignition yet. This was followed by completely forgetting, despite 10 years of driving, that you have to put your foot on the brake to shift out of park.
I haven’t driven through the garage door without opening it yet, but that’s probably coming. It seems to be that brief period between leaving the house and starting off in my car that gets me the most.
I’ve started the car and thought, dang my windows are dirty, only to realize I forgot my glasses in the kitchen.
Just this week my hubby found a zip bag of shreded cheddar cheese in the pantry sitting upright nice and neat like it belonged there. Both of us used it the day prior so it could have been either one of us who zoned out. We threw it out.
I’ve done that before when I look right at a person and assume they are someone else just because they look like them in general and I call them the wrong name. Damn, talk about embarrassing.
However I consider it to be different. I’m just talking without thinking whereas my “stupid” episodes seem to be more of following a specific pattern that seems to occur at a specific time of the day and its something I do every day yet this one time I cannot do.
I’ve started my car and not heard the usual seat-belt warning “dings” (I put it on after backing out of the garage). That’s when I realize I didn’t put my hearing aid in.
One time I forgot my debit card PIN at a checkout. The keypad was different - the numbers were angled - and I completely forgot the sequence I used a bazillion times before. I think I either left my groceries or paid by credit card, I don’t even remember what I did.
While cleaning out my hoarding grandmother’s house my mom and I were going through some file cabinets. I swear my grandmother kept every goddamn piece of paper she ever received. After a few hours of sorting various documents my brain felt like it froze. I said “Mom. My brain just shut down. I can’t do this anymore.” All the papers in the room seemed to blur together. We just stopped for the day right there.
This is kind of a dumb one. I work on a newspaper. We recently switched over to a new production system that more closely integrates the print and online versions. Long story short, we now insert hyperlinks into all web addresses mentioned in print copy while we’re editing and checking them, and these then automatically become clickable links on the digital editions.
In the first week of the new system, I sent an email, addressed to quite a few of the techy guys, asking whether they would be updating the templates for all the plugs that advertise the paper’s websites, in print, to make them clickable. The plugs that only appear in print.
I sent it just before I went away for a week’s holiday, and remembered it with a big head-slap when I got back. To their credit, none of them had even replied…
Colophon, I saw a newspaper ad that had a “clickable” link in the text, with copy urging people to click.
Just this morning I stood and stared at the shower, trying to remember which way to turn the lever to cool down the water. This is a shower I’ve used daily for the last 10 years.
I just remembered another one that’s happened to me a few times in my life and it’s really embarrassing. You’re signing a check or some papers or something and your hand goes spastic and you realize you’ve misspelled your own name! What do you do? Look stupid and leave it like that? Call more attention to it by scratching out and correcting it? Or fess up and ask to start over? None of them get you off the hook. They still look at you suspiciously regardless.
I have almost done that. I started my car and put it in reverse, then realized I had forgotten to open the garage door when I heard the bang. Fortunately, I didn’t have my foot on the accelerator and wasn’t going fast. You can see where a panel is bent, but I didn’t knock it off the tracks and it still goes up and down OK.
Sometimes, my brain just shuts down all cognitive function. It’s very brief, but it sucks when it happens right in the middle of a conversation, which is when it usually does. For a few seconds, it’s like I just literally forget how to think.
When I apologize I say: “Sorry, I blue-screened.” Anyone who hasn’t heard it before almost always laughs with instant recognition, so I think almost everyone experiences this from time to time. I think it’s nearly a perfect analogy. Fortunately, I can reboot faster than any version of Windows.
Regular absent-minded stupidity is one thing, but blue-screening is confusing, startling and a bit terrifying all at once, followed by an awkward and embarrassing obligation to recover. Fortunately, it’s not a frequent event for me. It is, in fact, much more likely to occur when I’m running on a sleep deficit.
If I don’t get enough sleep, the simplest tasks can become completely impossible. There are mornings when I stand in my bedroom staring at my pants, not understanding how to put them on. Taking a shower becomes a huge undertaking where every step must be planned out in detail.
Just last week after a long and tiring few days, after putting away the stuff from cooking and eating spaghetti dinner, I was walking up the stairs wondering why I couldn’t slide to unlock the can of shredded Parmesan cheese. At least the iPad was nicely chilled on the fridge shelf.
I recently did this. One of the team leads and I get off work at the same time. I was about 20 feet behind her, and wanted to call her name to get her attention. I opened my mouth, and came to a halt when I realized I couldn’t recall her name.
This is a woman I have worked with for over 16 months. We talk on a daily basis, cut up with one another, share recipes and funny stories on facebook, etc.
I stood there thinking. Was it Mallory? No, that is another coworker. Was it Megan? Nope, not it either, though I remembered she hates being called Megan.
It wasn’t until 6 hours later, while I was playing Skyrim, that her name totally popped into my head.