When I see someone fall down I’ll say, “He’s no fun, he fell right over.” Of course nobody gets it.
When my dad told me doctors had found a spot on his lung after 70 years of smoking four packs a day, I said in my most sarcastic Lois Griffin voice “Well, that’s a shock!”
Well, they’re missing out! “For it tis, it tis a glorious thing to be a Pirate King!” 
Whenever I hear someone mention “pirates,” I think of the SNL sketch where the ship was named The Raging Queen.
I have an eyepatch I sometimes wear while working because I have a lazy eye. If anybody asks me about it, I go into an “Arrrrrh, shiver me timbers!” routine and say “Avast, ye swabs! It’s The Queen Anne’s Revenge!” like Snoopy in Peanuts.
First of all, how many groups of people do you run into that have a Louise in them?
And second, anecdote time!
I was at a church potluck, sitting with five old guys that I’ve met but don’t know well, and one (who’s a federal judge) said that on the way here he’d run into Best Buy…
I had to quip “Oof, my nose!”
But then another guy said “Groping for the door he steps inside, and climbs the 13 stairs to his office.”
And a third guy skips ahead to “Ahh, I wanna order a … ah…pizza to go. With, uh, no anchovies…”
I’m already stunned, but a fourth guy replies “No anchovies? You’ve got the wrong man. I spell my name… Danger.”
I had to give the little announcer spiel for Fantastic Cigarettes, then a guy at the next table did some falsetto Betty Jo Bialoski, and then the very proper judge sputtered “What the holy hell… WHAT are you people doing?” And laughter ensued.
My children and I are triggered by every word of The Emperor’s New Groove. Last week when we were visiting the family at Thanksgiving, I heard someone in another room saying, “Great…great…”. I immediately joined them, saying, “Great…great…great…” only to find my daughter already out there finishing up, “Great great aunt!”
(From the scene where Yzma is failing to pass herself off as a relative of Pacha’s family)
Any mention of lotion brings “It puts the lotion on its skin”.
Anytime we are mentioning talking to someone the quote “So I says to him I says” from comedian Tig Notaro.
Oh wow! That does go waaay back. Priceless. RIP John Belushi.
What an incredible exchange. 
We do that one!
My sister had pony. My cousin had pony…
To me, when someone mentions that it’s Tuesday, I’ll typically say, “Well, if it’s Tuesday, this must be Belgium.”
When I was in high school, I did that with a few other people as a “radio play” for a class. I can still recite the entire thing.
Los Angeles. He walks again by night.
Out of the fog, into the smog. Relentlessly. Ruthlessly…
I thought Tuesday was Prince Spaghetti Day.
“I wonder were Ruth is…”
Once a bunch of us at work had to wait interminably for a conference call to start, using the client’s new technology. We didn’t mind the wait, we were getting paid well for the time. But then the client said “We’re having trouble with the setup here. Could someone on your end just talk about anything… could be as long as twenty minutes or so?”
Everyone looked at me… “Los Angeles. He walks again by night…”
I think I skipped one line, but then I hadn’t heard it since I was an undergrad (we were too poor to buy drugs, so had to alter our minds manually…).
One time when leaving, I said “I’ll be back”, like Arnie, then changed it to “I’ll be Beethoven”.
I almost forgot “Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown” for any situation where there is no way to change someone’s mind.
Whenever I have no leftovers on my plate for the dog after dinner, he gets “I can do nothing for ya son” in my best Rooster Cogburn voice.
When I sit down to play a game with someone and they ask about the rules:
“Rules? In a knife fight? No rules!”
“Hit the button, Frank” whenever a button needs to be hit.
Is that anything like “Push the button, Max!” ?