For some reason I never saw Meatballs when it first came out, even though I love Bill Murray, and then I just forgot about it. Still haven’t seen the whole movie but know the scene with the big speech.
Now find myself constantly saying “It just doesn’t matter!”
When someone asks something like “What do you want?”, I always want to say (but usually keep to myself) " 'Bout tree fiddy".
Whenever somebody complains that something is too hot, temperature or spicy, “It burns like hygiene” from Something Positive.
If somebody at work asks me to identify something I don’t know.
“This is an ex-parrot”
Sometimes when I am having a crap day, someone will ask “How are things going?” to which I’ll reply, “It’s Madness!”
“What is?”
“It all is … absolute madness…”
I always hear Terry Jones’ imitation of a pepper pot in my head saying the lines. I’m not sure why, though.
It’s a corruption of an exchange written by Douglas Adams. Marvin The Paranoid Android says, “It’s ghastly.” and so forth.
When things unexpectedly go right, especially a decision made by someone who is generally thought to be incompetent, I’ll say, “Well, even a stopped clock is right twice a day.”
A co-worker of mine will use the phrase “like pushing chains” to describe a difficult day, especially trying to motivate people to follow proper procedures.
Another co-worker is often asked for smallish tasks. “Can you get X for me?” That sort of thing. When he’s having a bad day, rather than say, “I’m very busy.” or “I’ll get to it tomorrow.”, instead he says, “Piss up a rope!” He was once a member of the Marine Corp in the US. I have always attributed the phrase to his military service, but have never actually asked.
…made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.
Occasionally I feel myself compelled to repeat:
(though not necessarily with the camped-up double-take)
Or
<Duffman voice>"Oh, yeah!"</Duffman voice>
Said in shower upon first contact with hot water. I said it yesterday for the first time, and I think it’s going to be nearly inevitable in the future. And now it’s in your head, too…
The one I hold in reserve for only the most inappropriate occasions,
The salmon mousse!
The local McDonald’s airs an oldies station. Can you guess what I say when they announce “This is Sirius radio?”
I watched the movie Clue last night, which reminded me of another of mine…
When someone says, “To make a long story short”, I think (and sometimes say) “too late”.
Another Big Bang one: Whenever people try to discreetly ask me about my personal life preferences, I always say “Are you asking about my deal? Is it girls? Guys? Sock puppets?” When they blush and say “Well…yes” I always say “I have no deal.”
Okay, so it’s only happened twice.
I think this was makng the rounds on social media platforms in one form or another. I think it’s funny as hell, although I don’t actually say it:
“So, have you ever thought about having children?”
“No, but I’ve thought about killing myself. Yeah, that’s right: We’re going to have an awkward conversation, but not the one you wanted.”
If someone compliments me on, for example, a new shirt, I will without fail reply with ‘What, this old thing? I only wear this when I don’t care HOW I look!’ (Gloria Grahame in It’s A Wonderful Life)
If I am in a group who are referred to as guys - ‘do any of you guys know where the x is?’ I will without fail reply with ‘We are not guys, we are hot chicks.’ (Mitzi Martin as Alien Jump Suit Chick #1 in Dude, Where’s My Car)
Now maybe you, like so many others, don’t think these 2 examples of the many quotes that pepper my day are funny; - well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.
MiM
I don’t know exactly where this comes from (the world of over-earnest sports persons, I suspect) but when I say something dumb:
*I’m sorry. I’ve let you down. I’ve let everyone here down. I’ve let the family down - * [at this point, ideally, everyone joins in] - And worst of all, I’ve let myself down.
This is slightly off track, but I am incapable of saying deja vu. I absolutely has to be deja vu all over again.
Bless you, Yogi.
j
I often end up making the first pot of coffee at work in the morning. You can occasionally hear me mutter,
“It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of java that thoughts acquire speed,
The hands acquire shaking,
The shaking becomes a warning.
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.”
“Holy rubbers, Batman! Why didn’t *I *think of that?”
Followed by:
“Because you’re stupid, Robin!
Whenever I hear a siren, I have to say “My ride’s here.” My tribute to Robin Williams.
Sometimes, not all the time, when I hear someone make a, well, bold statement, I respond the way Vincent did as follows, in Pulp Fiction:
LANCE
My shit, I’ll take the
Pepsi Challenge with Amsterdam shit
any ol’ day of the fuckin’ week.
VINCENT
That’s a bold statement.
When somebody, including myself, rhetorically asks, “Why?”, I go full Abbott & Costello.
“Why? I don’t know. Third base. How did I get to third?”
I make a checking pulse move, fingers on neck, and announce, “Not for me.”
Note that I’m a geezer and most folks I’m with are of that certain maturity.