Let’s have stories here of people who at some point felt overwhelmed by the quantity of tykes contained in their household, who later on felt it was all worth it in the end.
Personally, I never had any more than two in the house at one time, including step children. That never seemed like a burdensome number. Everybody will go through “three’s a crowd” stages in which they think one is too many.
Worth it in the end? Well, I don’t wish any of them hadn’t been born, but raising four kids on a military salary wasn’t fun, and I often wished there were fewer people in the house.
You can feel like one kid is too many, it doesn’t mean much because parenthood is difficult and there will be rough times to get through, and we call cope one way or another. It’s just a part of life, always a mix of joy and sorrow, pride and disappointment, great fears and great expectations. And if it seems overwhelming at times, you aren’t at all alone. If you find a parent who says that their children were a constant blessing they are probably lying or their kids have driven them insane.
Well… this is not quite what you had in mind, but…
I used to work in a children’s home in Brazil. We had a whole big buncha kids, and it was all great. But we only had so many beds. And the Conselho Tutelar, the department who would drop kids off, didn’t much listen to our protests that we were full. So they would just drop off a few new ones, and I would think: “NO! This is too many!” And I would think we couldn’t possibly find the clothes, or another exercise book and how would we be able to check them all on teeth brushing, and eating vegetables, never mind being sure everyone has had their own time that day, that everyone has had their own hug, and told their story.
But we would go and find a bed, stick two end-to-end & me on the floor if necessary. And we would all budge up on the sofa to watch the novela. And somehow we would make it work. Until I couldn’t even imagine that we ever thought we could do without that kid. How did we even run this place before we had Thiago III?! Place must’ve been desolate, tumble weeds blowing around, depressing, lonely.
So yes, I regularly thought it was too many only to find that it is so, so very worth it.
You often post about having more children than you wish you did. I get that you were on the fence about #3 and then 3 was actually 3 and 4 in a two for one deal. You are where you are, and it is tough. The thing is, it seems like you resent your wife for wanting a third and the twins for just being. At some point you have to get past this or you really will make yourself miserable.
This post is not responsive to the op.
Hah! Lane Kiffen went to Alabama!
Sorry. I thought it was generally responsive to the original poster if not the original post. So anyway, yeah, sometimes I feel like I have a couple kids too many. It is part of having kids. It is stressful,expensive and sometimes out of control for a bit. The best remedy, since we can’t sell them to the gypsies? Enjoy the moments we would never have without kids…they are hilarious… and get on with life. You have the kids you have and no post on a message board will change that.
OK…I’ll 'fess up.
I had three kids (aged 6, 4 and 2) and a very rocky marriage when I found myself pregnant with a fourth child and went into panic mode. Because of the timing, the next appointment for an early termination was ONLY available on Xmas Eve, with the next one not available until late January the following year. And there was no way I was going to have an abortion on Xmas Eve…and by the new year, I’d come to terms with another prospective kid.
I rang my mum in tears, and she assured me that, “It’s the one you least want or expect who turns out to be the greatest joy to you”. Yeah, my mum had the best evah platitudes!
And once he was born, he slotted right in to the family thing, and I couldn’t imagine not having him born.
And yes, I ended up a single mum with four kids. Maybe one day I’ll start a thread…
After having kid #1, we didn’t entirely agree about having kid #2 (I did, he wasn’t sure.) Decided to go ahead so kid 1 would have a sibling and, apparently similarly to the OP, he ended up with two. We were both resentful of the situation for a very long time though we didn’t ever NOT want either of the twins. We were sure we weren’t capable of raising three kids. That feeling went away after about five years. But those were some difficult five years.
At times, not only too many kids, but too many wives.
I still think that for preschoolers you want to have at least one adult hand for each kid, otherwise one of them can get away and they know it. Just after the divorce I had one too few hands.
I still remember the glorious day that I ran errands and everybody walked. Everybody wasn’t happy, but everybody walked. I held two hands and the oldest was, by then, reliably voice activated.
I recently went to Google Earth and put a placemark there.
My wife and I have 4 boys. One was never a place to stop. Two was good, but could too quickly turn into 1 when one or the other was off with someone or other. Three was the hardest…going from the man-to-man to the zone defense. I kinda had to talk my wife into having #4. Never regretted a minute of it. I thrive on the noise, chaos and wornderment of a big family (big by today’s standards anyway). It helped that we started having kids right out of college, so we never had anything nice. We never had to compromise our standard of living or lifestyle because kids were our lifestyle. Now that three are in college or out, I look forward to holidays when we have a houseful.
The only time I had one kid too many was when I signed up for AT&T cellular family plan…get up to five phones…
The US is set up for a family of 4. Hotels have 4 to a room (generally), dinner ware comes in sets of 4, cars generally seat 4, etc. 5 is just more.
We had one, on the fence for number two and got two and three plus autism. You would have to kill me to take away any one of my kids. Would we go from one to three, knowing what we know now, probably not. But that ain’t an option so one deals with the reality we have.
May I just say gracer that I ALWAYS get a big smile from your posts re your work, the kids and the children’s homes.
Thank you kambuckta, that’s so nice of you to say. I think sometimes I carry on a little, also in real life. It was a big part of my life that left a hole in my heart, so often it seems relevant to me and I carry on about it perhaps too much. It’s nice to talk about it.
Yer’ most welcome gracer! Don’t think you’re ‘carrying on’, and please keep talking about it. I for one am always happy to read about your experiences, because as I said, it invariably brings me some insight and oftentimes much vicarious joy.