I figure it’s like taking a test in school—if it’s 70% right, that’s good enough.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Mark Twain: “He didn’t know how to lie properly. His folks just let him come up any old way.” Quoted from memory. Remember—70% is close enough.
I only lie about issues regarding my (lack of) mental health. If you pretty much stay suicidal on a daily basis, why share that with anyone if there’s nothing that can be done about it? And if whatever outcome only adds insult to injury, like being accused of faking severe depression or whatnot?
Anyway, I was raised by someone who supposedly NEVER LIED, but did more damage to everyone she came in contact with her “truth” than Nixon did for making Watergate upstanding. So with that in mind (and the Debra Winger movie), it’s taught me that some people use The Truth ™ as a weapon within which to bludgeon others, while gloating and feeling superior. For no other real or, ha!, honest reason either.
Therefore I’d rather not be classified with those sorts… I have enough problems of my own and after my experiences, being considered a liar by that group doesn’t faze me in the least.
I try to tell the truth (unless a practical joke is in the making). Often this means that I just have to tell people “I will not discuss this matter with you”. And there is no making me talk.
I hate lying, but I kind of have to at work. I work at a UPS Store.
Examples:
QUESTION: Why don’t you carry the free UPS boxes?
REAL ANSWER: We want to sell you a box to make some money.
WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: There’s not a huge demand for them, and our storage space is limited.
CUSTOMER: Do you know where the nearest FedEx location is?
REAL ANSWER: Yes.
WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: No.
When I get into moral/ethical dilemmas that lying may potentially fix, the only thing that keeps me from doing so is the fear of getting caught. I wouldn’t lie if it meant hurting someone, but I admit fear of being caught (and facing the negative consequences) keeps me more honest than fear of hurting people.
When I lie, it’s usually by omission and for utilitarian reasons. I usually don’t try to lie outright, because a) it makes me feel guilty and b) I am a really bad liar.
I had a UPS Store in Miami. I did have the envelopes and not the boxes. The answer I would give people was “We just carry the envelopes, not the boxes”. Very few people would ask again why this was so.
As for FedEx and the box office, they will find it, and they know you know. Tell them, just in a very “friti, friti, friti” way. “Yes, you can go to FedEx, just take the avenue and drive, drive, drive among all the nuts for a million traffic lights, make a left, if they let you, then just keep going, keep going, keep going, until you see a shady building with a cramped parking lot. Right there. And good luck with the claims”
When I finished High School and was looking for work I asked a friend’s mother to write me a reference. She knew me well and was a lawyer, so I thought that would hold me in good stead.
The reference, when I got it, was a masterpiece of saying nothing while making me sound an admirable young man. It was full of stuff like:
“I have never known … to be dishonest”
“In my experience … always delivers what he has promised.”
“… has shown maturity far beyond his peers.”
and on and on.
It was all justifiable within really narrow bounds, but my mates and I used to read it once in a while and marvel at how she had achieved what she did.
I don’t trust people who say they NEVER lie. We all lie sometimes “yes that cake was yummy” kind of lies.
People who say they NEVER lie are either liars or just plain rude. In every day circumstances we lie often…any parents here? “Oh you are the cleverest boy ever”. You never used that or a variation?
Lies are social lubrication, we just prefer not to call tham lies.
My lies tend to fall into two categories. Most are of the “social lubrication” variety, and rare at that, because I can usually think of *something * both nice *and * (at least marginally) true to say.
Some, but far fewer, fall into the “moving on” category, and these are mostly to get past the uncomfortable conversation at hand, which is usually about assigning blame or asking uncomfortable questions, and “moving on” to the problem-*solving * part of the conversation. I never feel bad about these, because my “moving on lie” rule is that the lie cannot be used to deflect blame from me. If the blame is *actually * mine, no lies are necessary. I just take it, offer my apologies, and suggest moving on to the solving (*after * which the beating can commence, within reason).
That said, I’m not a saint. I won’t pretend that I’ve never said “train delays” when what I mean is “overslept.”
But I don’t lie about the big stuff, for a few reasons. The first is that I have no problem at all telling people that what they’re asking is none of their business, and I’m not commenting. The second is that I try to live in such a way that I won’t HAVE to lie (and again, not a saint, so sometimes I fail and refer to the above re: “none of your business”). The third (and really ultimate) reason is that I’m a lazy person, and being a liar is a job of work.
I have a huge problem with lies because I am a People Pleaser and a Self Promoter, therefore I find myself fibbing all the time to either a) make someone else feel better b) represent myself in the best possible light.
Sample Dialogue:
Best Friend: So like, ohmygod, I was so drunk last night. I was like totally all over the bartender, do you think anyone noticed?
Me: No, of course not, it wasn’t that bad.
(Thinking: Yes, you were ridiculous and practically gave him a lap dance and everybody was staring and pointing and laughing)
Best Friend: So did you sleep with Todd when he was in town?
Me: No, he came over for awhile and we watched movies and then he went home.
(Thinking: Yes and I am a huge slut)
In both these situations I can justify the lie in my head through the use of terminology. What is the definition of “that bad”? Todd and I did not technically, in the truest sense of the word “sleep” together. Still…that doesn’t make it okay.
I realize that this is not the best way to go through life and would like to quit. It is such an old habit that I don’t even think about it, though, until after I’ve done it and then I just feel horrible.
I generally avoid lying, but I’m pretty good at evading. I’m not much on bragging, so I’m not often tempted to exaggerate. I won’t tell you about the tire-smoking GTO I used to own. I never had one. If you find me saying something untrue, it’s because I had bad information, not because I meant to lie.
I never say “I love you” unless it’s true.
I never lie about my marital status.
I never lie about the size of Big Olaf.
I absolutely refuse to tell you if that makes your butt look big. There is no good answer to that. I will flee, if necessary. :eek:
When I do it, I usually lie for social lubrication (great term, by the way). Also, sometimes I’m forced to evade at work when someone’s trying to get something confidential out of me.
Whenever possible, though, I try not to lie. Sadly, it’s not really because of a huge moral obligation to tell the truth (I mean, I do feel like I should be ethical, but I don’t feel like the sky will fall if I lie), but because it’s really hard for me to remember lies. It’s mentally taxing to try to remember what you said if you made up something completely whacky. It’s a hell of a lot harder to remember lies than it is to remember the truth.
