I was discussing this with my friend the other day. We both assign appearances and personalities to the elements of the periodic table because we’re lame and unscientific like that. Does anyone else do this? I see uranium as being a cheerful Rescue Heroes-type muscle man who is unfortunately a bit dumb and she thinks potassium had a tragic love affair with a compound (which was forbidden love, and therefore doomed) but now he is over it and is a role model to the community. Oh, and here is a bad picture of lithium as I imagine him, from a piece I’m working on (bad because he actually looks nothing like I imagine him and is also standing in a really awkward pose): [linky].
My elements:
Oxygen - sharp-tongued, powder-faced angry pixie in a red costume
Carbon - Dream-like (that is, like Dream from the Sandman series) figure with a raven
Radium - blue glowing horned ghost boy in traditional Polish dress with the unfortunate tendency to kill everything he touches
Fluorine - transparent, brownish, gaseous below the waist; also kind of evil
Aluminium - looks like one of those statues on trophies, very dynamic and shiny and kind of gay
Her elements:
Oxygen - blonde, in control, had a boarding school education
Carbon - nice on the outside, but there is something about him that is not quite right
Chromium - is in the mafia
Neon - a show girl
Fluorine - uses dental floss, wears brown and is very boring
Sodium - a girl with plaits who likes fireworks
Oh, and we both agree that hydrogen is a nice, blue person, like fluorine but less evil, and also less… solid. So now that we’ve shared our overactive imaginations, care to share yours?
Regarding metals, my mind was polluted by a child with the associations based on the characters in the comic book “Metal Men”. (One of the few #1 issues from the Silver Age I own.)
Mercury: Quick tempered, easily upset.
Lead: Dumb, slow, but good hearted.
Iron: Brave, strong, etc. But doesn’t run when actually appropriate.
Platinum: The female of the group. Overly interested in emotions.
Tin: Foolish and oddly weak.
Gold: The Boss, noble (in the mental sense) and all that. But not as valuable as one would think.
There were also bad guys based on other sets of elements. Gases were bad. But after seeing a vial of LOX in college Thermo Lab, I’ve upgraded my opinion significantly of Oxygen.
Boron. The guy who get you in a corner and starts talking about gas mileage.
Argon. The Charlie Brown of the periodic table. The one who always falls for Lucy’s football trick.
Carbon. Lost a little popularity when Atkinsium came to town.
Isotopes. A 1950s doowop group. Kids would listen to them on the jukebox in the Sodium shop.
Chlorine and Fluorine. Two elderly ladies living in a Victorian house. Their house always smells like lavender. There’s a lot of old lace. Arsenic lives in the basement.
Platinum. The girl at the party with whom all the boys want to go home.
Cadmium. That guy who won’t call Platinum the next day.
I envision carbon as a little round black guy with four arms. So he can grab up to four other hands. It’s really necessary when Organic classes start.
All the alkaline metals are creepy sex maniacs in raincoats, just looking for someplace to stick that pesky electron. They like the halogens who are strident, grabby bitches hungering for that electron. When they couple, they think they’re set for life, but they just exchanged one problem for another; they’re now ions and have to deal with being charged.
And when you get an ionized group, like a carbonate or amine, they start sharing personalities in a kind of gang mentality.
Since I majored in chemistry, I kept up this kind of stuff for four years. It was lots of fun.
My college lab partners and I had way too much fun doing that. Some had pet names. Bromine was Bruno, tough and a little scary. It went on … the equipment had names and Organic lab led us to the creation of a false God, Orgo the Great and Powerful. Things, like glassware, was sacrificed to him. I miss those days already.
Reminds me! Seems once National Lampoon had a cartoon that was perhaps a take-off on the Metal Men. All I remember is that there was a buxom young lady with a “Miss Silicone” banner on her torso as all the elements were standing around.
Somehow, she didn’t seem quite real…
Of course, they were thinking of SILICONE. But they were probably smart enough to know the difference, just insisted on making the pun.
My teachers always talked about the noble gases as being stuffy, pretentious, arrogant noblemen, who didn’t want to mix with the lower classes, and for that matter didn’t want to mix with anyone. It helps you remember that the noble gases are the ones that don’t tend to bond with any other atoms.
Count me as another Metal Men fan.
In fact I started a “Metal Men” thread in Cafe Society a year or 2 ago. I learned there are other fans out there too.
![[linky]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v218/csharpmajor/f5185112.jpg){kind=link}