Do you keep in contact with your high school friends?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I loved high school. I went to a boarding school that had both male and female students (separate dormitories, of course; stop sniggering). My family had almost no money, but it was a public boarding school so tuition was free and poor folks like us had our boarding fees taken care of by the government. (BTW, this was in Australia)

I remember getting ready to leave after finishing Grade 12 (1986) and wishing that i could stay another year. I also thought that i’d have most of my high school friends for the rest of my life.

Fast-forward 18 years, and i am now in regular, close contact with exactly 1 person from high school. I didn’t go to my 10-year reunion back in 1996, because i really just wasn’t that interested.

When i left school, i had heaps of friends, most of whom i’ve only seen once or twice since. I also had five extremely close friends. Here’s the breakdown on them:

Friend 1: He’s still my best mate, even though we now live over 10,000 miles apart. He and his wife flew to San Francisco for my wedding in May, and i spent quite a bit of time with him when i went back to Australia for a visit last year. We can always pick up our friendship straight away, no matter how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other. We can disagree and debate about almost anything (politics, music, sports, whatever) without it affecting the way we feel about each other.

Friend 2: Extremely close in high school, and stayed close for a few years afterwards. I travelled overseas for a couple of years in my early twenties, and when i got back to Australia i realized that we really had nothing in common any more. He was politically and socially conservative, and still made the sort of homophobic remarks that had been common among my peers (including me) when we were 15. I made an active decision not to spend any more time with him.

Even had we remained friends, it would be over now. He was killed in the Bali terrorist attack a couple of years back.

Friend 3: We weren’t especially close during school itself, but just after we left school we ended up at the same university and were living close to one another. We became fairly close, and kept in contact. Over the past few years, though, we’ve fallen out of touch. No specific reason, although the distance is a factor, i guess. We just weren’t close enough to make the effort required to sustain a close friendship over a long distance.

Friend 4: She used to date Friend 2 just after high school. They broke up, and he was an asshole about it (another reason i grew to dislike him). We stayed good friends (never romantic) for a while, and i still stay in touch with her and her husband, although our correspondence is sporadic. I had dinner with them one night on my trip back to Australia last year.

Friend 5: Very good friends in school. I used to go home to his farm with him sometimes, and we spent a summer working together in the cotton fields on another farm in order to earn some cash. Kept in fairly frequent contact over the first few years after high school, but then he was hit by a car and killed. I’m not sure if we would have stayed long-term friends if he had lived, although i like to think we would have.

So, your turn.

Have you stayed in touch with high school friends? Do you think that the connections you made in those formative years transcend any differences that might have emerged since? Or is high school something you were glad to put behind you and move on?

2

I live in the town I grew up in, so frequently run into folks I went to high school with. Often it’s weird, some poor folks seem stricken with selective memory that makes them grasp at that tenuous connection as if we ought to be friends now simply because of that, my opinion is that if we weren’t pals then there’s likely no reason to form a friendship now.

One of my very best girlfriends, however, is someone I grew up with, we started hanging out in 7th grade and have seen each other thru weddings, childbirth, divorces, etc and we’re usually the first one the other calls for every event. It’s not unusual to talk on the phone or visit together three or four times a week, and it’s also not uncommon to get so busy that weeks go by without contact. There’s a valuable shorthand in that long-term sort of friendship that means we don’t have to small talk our way back to emotional intimacy, gotta love that.

My extended group of friends, i.e. the people I do holidays and birthdays and such with, is basically an extension of my high school gang, even though there’s only a few of us original members left. We simply added spouses and siblings and neighbors and coworkers situationally, and lost touch with some others who’s lives took different paths, but at the core of the group are three of us that went to school together.

I did go to my ten year reunion a few years ago, it was oddly akin to being at a co-worker wedding or something. Yeah, I knew these people, but there’re reasons we don’t hang out, y’know? Wound up spending most of the event chatting with the couple of friends I talk to every day anyway.

3

I only had two real close friends in high school (actually, we had been friends well before that, since gradeschool) and we still stay in touch. they have both gone off the deep end of the religious pier and are NO FUN anymore. They are both pretty hard to hang around with.

One lives a few miles down the road. We don’t do much together, but might go to lunch or the junkyard or Home Depot every other month or so. A couple years ago we got into the very tedious routine of towing each others crappy vehicles home for each other. My Jeep would break down with depressing regularity and he had random failures in all his vehicles. My favorite was when he was riding his motorcycle home in a MAJOR snowstorm and dumped it in the road. I had to troop out in the middle of the night and haul him home.

The other lives in the half-way across the country and we go to the Grand Prix in Indianapolis most years together. Usually after 3-4 days of camping together, we are ready to kill one another and swear not to do it again the next year (I skipped it this year). He comes out west to visit his folks and we might see each other for a few hours. Thats usually enough.

I’ve run into a few people from high school, but we don’t really stay in touch or hang out.

4

I live one town over from where I went to high school, and with a couple of exceptions, I have no contact with anyone I went to school with.

Exceptions 1 & 2: Married friends. I have both of them since junior high, so no biggie.

Exception 3: Another guy I knew in high school. #1 & #3 and I have been camping in the desert over Thanksgiving for the last 20+ years. It may be the only contact we have with each other all year, but we never skip the annual camping trip. Wives are invited, but they usually decide to forgo the male-bonding bullshit and stay home where there are showers. :smiley:

Exception 4: I work with a guy from my graduating class. We weren’t good friends then, and we are just fellow teachers now.

Exception 5: My high-school girlfriend is still one of my best friends. We live on opposite coasts now, but through the magic of e-mail and AT&T, we still keep in touch. I don’t think we will ever not be a small part of each other’s lives. Good thing my wife likes her. :slight_smile:

Other than that, no contact. I really didn’t like those people when I was in high school, so why would I go back to see them? Went to the 10 year reunion, skipped every one since then.

5

I only have one friend from The Olden Days. He was my best friend, starting in Grade 5 or 6 (the mid-‘60s). Years have gone by when we were out of touch, but then we met by chance, and it was like no time had passed. I left my country to come here and be married. He drove his transport truck 1200 miles down here to be my best man. I’ve seen him three or four times in the last 6 years, and we talk occasionally on the phone. It’s still like no time has passed. The last time he called, there was no ‘Hi, how’s it goin’, eh?’, it began with him asking me a question to which the answer was ‘Bob Dylan.’ Just like we’d been having a conversation all this time. One of us will undoubtedly go to the other’s funeral. My wife and my in-laws love him like he was family.

Sometimes I wonder about the few other friends I had in school, but I haven’t seen or talked to any of them since then. Whatever relationships we had died of natural causes, and I don’t think it’ll matter if we ever see each other again. The likelihood of it happening is infinitessimaly small, seeing as how I’m so far away now.

But Mark? He’ll always be a part of my life.

6

I only stay in touch with one, although I’ve run into several since returning home. Interesting how the pretentious snobs from back then still think they crap roses today, ::mumblemumble:: years later.

7

I have one HS friend that is still very close. We met in the 7th grade and are now 57, so I feel this has stood the test of time fairly well.

Once in great while I’m in contact with other close friends of those far, distant days. Not often as we live on the other side of the US now. It’s always fun.

As to the rest that were in my class? I wouldn’t mind seeing them again, even those that weren’t close in HS. I would be interested in seeing how they made out over the years.

8

After high school graduation (13 years ago) I kept in touch with a handful of friends. The last of which just stopped calling me this past Christmas. I had a present for her and everything. Ah well.

It didnt bother me much that most of the people I went to high school with seemed to have disappeared into thin air after graduation, even though I live in the same town and pass my high school every day on the way to work. But one thing that made me a little jealous and wistful of that old comraderie was when my mother passed away a few years ago. She was 53, and 5 of her 6 pall bearers were men she had known from high school and still "pal"ed around with 35 years later. In fact her entire graduating class always got together every five years for a reunion, with just about every classmate showing up, even if they had to travel across the country. You just don’t see that often enough. It was very touching.

9

Just got back from spending a week at Lake Tahoe with my best friend since high school. We’ve been close since junior year. We graduated from high school together, graduated from college together. We were in each others weddings. We have kids that are close in age. Our husbands even get along well.

I am in ocassional contact with another friend from high school. She is close friends with my sister, but we all get together from time to time.

That’s it. I’m not in regular contact with anyone else at this point. My mom is in contact with some of the parents of other people from my high school as she still lives in the small community I grew up.

I went to my 10 year reunion and it was fun. I look forward to future reunions.

10

What high school friends?

Well, OK, I did have a few. One was my closest high school friend and first college roomie, but after several years we just sort of drifted apart. I know how to contact her if I ever get a wild hair, but I’m betting that we’'re too different by now to pick things up.

One had been my friend since the fifth grade. We also lost contact for a bit, but got back together a few years ago and now regularly talk by e-mail and visit now and then.

Another, more casual friend – occasional e-mails and visits.

My 20th reunion is next weekend. I went to the 5th and 10th, but this year as I looked over the names of people who had responded, I realized that it was just a list of names to me and I really had no connection with any of these people. I posted my e-mail address in case anyone wants to find me, but I doubt anyone will.

I like my life much better now. High school was hell.

11

I run around with the group of guys I’ve been running around with since 8th grade (1984) when I first moved to “town name.” In fact, I’m playing basketball this afternoon with three of them. I live about 30 miles away now, having moved back to the area in 2000 after living for many years in various other locales.

When my wife and I were first dating and she started hanging around, she commented “You guys are so weird. It’s like you’re all married to each other.” which I guess is weird but probably pretty true.

I went to my 10 year in 1999 and it was pretty cool. There were, however, only two people there that I had lost contact with that I really wanted to see. Everyone else from that time in my life is still in my life (except for one friend who moved to Atlanta but we still talk every once in awhile and his mom and brother still live out here).

12

No. Went to one reunion, that’s plenty. I got better things to do than relive high school.

13

I did right out of high school. I graduated only three years ago and now my friends and I have grown apart (then again, I didn’t have many close friends from high school; maybe two or three). Different schools, some have full-time jobs. I don’t converse with anybody I went to high school anymore.

14

I’m 5000 miles away from my nearest high school friend, and I still keep in contact with several of them. I also hope to meet up with them soon when I get back to Blighty for a holiday.

15

I moved far far away from high school as soon as I was able, but I kept in touch with a few people through the years. My best friend in high school was killed while I was away at college, so I had even less reason to visit.

But, I returned to (near) the area 21 years later, and was able to rekindle several friendships. I’ve enjoyed being back because of these old high school friends.

16

I graduated in 1975, and keep in touch with only one other member of my graduating class: Mrs. Mercotan. Same goes for her.

17

The one “high school friend” I keep in contact with is a woman who grew up around the corner from me and who I’ve known and been friends with since I was five years old. I’m over a decade out of high school now.

18

Am still good friends with a girl I met in second grade. Our names were very close together so alphabetically we were always seated next to each other.

Am also good friends with several people I went to high school with, but only one from my actual graduating class.

19

hell and no

20

One of my best friends and I have known each other since fourth grade (same neighborhood, different schools) and have been buds since I moved to his school in seventh grade. He got kicked out in ninth grade, but we remained close friends (which did not at all endear me to the administration of my high school).

He dropped out of high school in tenth grade to elope with his girlfriend, and went to work as a counterman at an auto parts store (we were budget hot rodders). Whoohoo! Had a married couple’s apartment to hang out at!

We stayed in touch after I finally got kicked out of our common school at the end of eleventh grade, even as his marriage fizzled. We were briefly out of touch for a couple of years when he moved to Georgia, but as soon as he came back we were roommates while I was an undergrad and he was a law student at UT.

After graduation, I went back to school at the behest of my new employer in Houston, and I drove to Austin for his second wedding despite having a math final in the morning.

We’ve stayed in touch and see each other about a dozen times a year, if not more. He lives in Austin and I live in Houston (~165 miles). At some point it becomes awkward to keep talking about him alone, as his third wife (almost 20 years and working) and I get along famously and I’ve known his daughters all of their lives. The youngest just finished her first year in college, and last summer she wrote to invite me to her H.S. graduation pool party (Awwww). Hell, yes, I drove up to Austin for the afternoon.

He’s been my lawyer for most of my adult life, and I’ve never really paid any legal fees (he’s collected some from a successful litigation). His name is Charlie.

Michiel and I have known each other since the same seventh grade class we shared with Charlie. He lives just a few blocks away. He was the host of a monthly poker game, crewed mostly by about a dozen of our other high schools chums, that lasted for 12 years until I, being the only one besides Michiel who had attended every game, had to miss one when Charlie’s Dad died, and I needed to go hang with Charlie’s people.

The poker game skittered on through another couple of congregations over the next several months, and then died (sniff).

About three weeks ago, a common friend held a 50th birthday bash up in the Hill Country. Michiel and Pauline and I drove up and got hotel rooms; mine was shared with Emmett, another high school classmate. The party was great! Had Asleep At The Wheel and Glover Gill playing, killer barbecue, and the best of a high school reunion type atmosphere, because these were all people with which we had some connections. County Sheriff was there to protect us, to boot!

Upon morning, the party over, the four of us sought out Washington-On-The-Brazos. A State Park tour giving us a good dose of Texas state history - I’m always up for that. Then Emmett (whose younger brother Chad worked for me in both of ours first oil business jobs) had to separate and, Pauline driving, we took off to discover our route home.

We came upon, on a dwindling country lane, the Navasota Trailriders - about 200 black cowboys and cowgirls, with their horses, forming up for a trail ride. There were three white kids with’em, obviously friends and fellow wranglers,

While we threaded our way through them, when we came to the end of the road, we realized we needed to thread our way back through them. As we did so, we stopped to chat.

I met a young woman, with a horse, who was a very attractive black gal, ~21-22, who was wearing boots, jeans and a t-shirt that was emblazoned with shiny sequins that said “Cowgirl.” She was friendly, and seemed to realize that, while I’m hardly a scaredey-cat, I am not familiar with horses. She made me feel at ease and controlled the part of the environment she recognized I was at unease with.

The black/white thing we often feel in the city was not distinguishable there. The woman made me realize that I had never in my life before thought about a 21st century black cowgirl. I love that image.

Anyway, tonight I got off the phone with Michiel with a promise to scan some real estate with him and Pauline this weekend. Charlie’s still there. Others are not too far out there.

So, yeah, I do old friends.