To me, “smashed potatoes” is a fairly recent term. We always called those “mashed potatoes” growing up. “Smashed potatoes” I originally heard from foreigners, making a slight translation error and sounded completely non-idiomatic to me and my peers, and then later, maybe the late 90s or early 00s, I’ve started to see it referring to a lumpier form of mashed potatoes, sometimes with skins, sometimes without.
Also, if you google image search “smashed potatoes,” it seems there is at least one other dish called “smashed potatoes” which is potatoes that are smashed and fried in oil. To me, the lumpy or the smooth mashed potatoes are all mashed potatoes.
Don’t you be pickin on my Cracker Barrel, Mr. P; their Double Chocolate Fudge Coca-Cola Cake will have your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth in cocoa ecstasy. I usually get a big breakfast no matter which time I stop in.
I like them smooth, pressed through a ricer. I loathe whipped potatoes, as almost nobody gets it right.
Heh. Once when I was in a whipped potatoes mood and feeling clever I thought, hey, let’s use the immersion blender. If you ever get this idea yourself, don’t do it. I ended up with some weird potato paste/glue thing. It was just awful.
I like my mashed potatoes the way I like my women.
I will never understand why people would want to squish their taters through a wire mesh. By the point, they are so processed, they taste like instant potatoes.
Pasty with lumps in all the right places?
Lumpy with the skin intact?
n/m…too “serial killery” of a joke for this forum.
This poll needs an option for “No, I hate all mashed potatoes.”
Why would you list an option that nobody in their right mind would select?
When I was a kid, I complimented an elderly relative on the lumpy mashed potatoes. I couldn’t figure out why she was so offended.
I was used to Potato Buds, which to me are like wallpaper paste, and these were REAL mashed potatoes, lumps and all.
It was a big family joke for a long time.
I still like them with a few lumps in them, and the skin too.
If I want lumps and skins, I’ll cook them properly and they’ll be called “Twice baked potatoes.”
Or I’ll sort of mash it up with my fork on the plate, but the proper name for that is “Baked potatoes”
If they’re called “mashed potatoes,” they ought to be properly mashed. No lumps. No skins. Just fluffy, smooth mounds of perfection.
Lumpy and slathered with butter.
There should definitely be some lumps, otherwise you might as well have whipped potatoes or… shudder instant.
There should be some, but not a vast amount, of lumps. OTOH I’m more likely to have problems with the consistency of potatoes being too smooth. Something about perfectly smooth potatoes mashed triggers my gag reflex when I try to swallow them.
There is a lot of confusion about “Instant” mashed potatoes is this thread. Based on comments, many of you have had bad experiences with instant mashed in school lunchrooms, prison cafeterias, and/or military service messes and galleys. These are “institutional” mashed potatoes. They come in #10 cans, 55 gallon drums, or in the railroad gondola car parked behind the kitchen. An interesting fact from the early 90s. A young FBI agent was investigating the anthrax shipments to government individuals and noticed the similarity between the weaponized anthrax and institutional potatoes. Seems he worked his way through college in the cafeteria. After alerting his superiors, it was determined that these mashed potato grinders could indeed be used to weaponize anthrax. The institutional potato supply is vital to national starch goals and could not be turned off so the machines were all moved to a secret secure location (the VP’s hangout). From there, truck and rail cars continue to distribute - wait for it - Weaponized Mashed Potatoes (WMPs, band name, copyright©, trademark™, all rights reserved®).
As an emergency substitute for actual potatoes, some years ago I visited a boutique potato manor in Idaho and got in on the ground floor for exclusive distribution of Estate Reserve potatoes. These are all natural, organic, free range potatoes hand dug at the peak of ripeness by local virgins. (Might be sexual or just their first time digging). The potatoes are hand washed in cold water from an artesian spring on the estate. The potatoes are thinly sliced by highly trained craftsmen using special steel knives hand forged and sharpened in Japan by a single individual. When he passes, the supply ends. The slices are spread to dry in the sun; no artificial methods are used. When optimally dried, the virgins then crush the potatoes beneath their feet and lightly sprinkle a special salt for preservation. The salt comes from evaporating a brine from Italy. Monks at the monastery in Non Esiste originally used the brine to make votive pickles (also band name). The potatoes are then packaged in 100% recycled paper bags and shipped express to subscribers each month. Alas, all the output is spoken for and the waiting list is longer than for Green Bay Packers season tickets.
If you don’t have the real thing, potato buds or flakes are adequate replacements - forget WMPs. Preparation: Large pot of water, after mixing potatoes - volume will be ~110% of water level. Adjust for number of persons being served. The key is nucleation, lumps, something to give the potatoes texture. People who whip or mash potatoes to a shapeless mass have a level of hell reserved for them. I use finely chopped onions - white - added to the water before boiling. Softens them without totally eliminating their presence. Add to the water minced garlic, butter, powdered garlic, yak butter, more garlic, dolphin butter (if available), Dead Sea salt, garlic, Himalayan salt, butter, garlic, and fresh ground pepper. (Note: if your audience includes small persons prone to exclaiming, “There’s cooties in my potatoes”, use white pepper. Also skip the garnish). When the water/mixture boils, remove from heat. Stir in the buds/flakes. Reserve 1/3 cup for final adjustment. The boxes are craftily designed to dump in too much just as you are reaching critical mass. That’s what the reserved ⅓ cup is for, final adjustment. Your potatoes should be stiff enough to form a Devils Tower monument replica. On your plate, you need a crater to hold additional butter, creams, and/or of course, gravy. Our national dish is not “Mom’s Apple Pie”; it’s “potatoes and gravy” preferably with meatloaf, ground hamburger patty, and/or turkey on occasion.
That’s a lot of Garlic. How much? It’s really trial and error. The test is similar to how hot to make salsa. Know your guests. Use as subjects small children 3-4 years old or a mid-sized dog. Consume/savor a fork full of the potatoes, savoring them. Call the child/dog over and with your face a foot or so away, say with exaggeration, “ Hiiiiiiii, hooooowwww are yooouu doooing”. The reaction for a garlic portion appropriate to novice users; the child should blink several times and twist up their nose before replying. A dog will snort, turn its head at a 45 deg. angle, then attempt to lick you in the face. Enough garlic for experienced users would provoke the child to sneeze and rub eyes; the dog will execute a rapid series of ear flips and momentarily drop to the ground and wipe its nose with its paws. Sufficient garlic for aficionados will cause tears, flight, plaintive cries from the child. A dog will cower, perhaps yelp, and flee with tail between its legs. There should be a faint odor of singed hair.
That’s how to prepare an occasional substitute for actual potatoes using buds/flakes. In the next article, I’ll explore the rift between Mayonnaise and Miracle Whip users. Teaser - there’s a much greater danger.:eek:
I used to try to whip them. It never came out right, and is way too fussy when you’re trying to get a turkey dinner on the table. When everything else is perfect and you serve up a pile of goo, the dinner is a failure. Not even great gravy can save badly whipped spuds.
Lumpy mashed potatoes are gross. I always have to wonder just what’s in there. The smoother, the better.