This question has been nagging me for quite a while now. Today I’ve been inspired by two other #2 related threads on the first page (here and here).
So when you’re done with number 2, do you stand up to wipe, or do you stay seated?
I stand. I reach around behind and wipe with new pieces of TP until the TP comes out clean.
For you people that stay seated, do you lean to one side then wipe or do you reach between your legs and wipe? How do you know when you’re done wiping? For you guys that reach between, how do you make room between the front of the toilet and your manly appendages for your arm to fit through?
As I said, I stand. However, in the office washrooms, the stalls aren’t that high, and I’m rather tall, so it is quite likely that some one could come into the washroom and see me while I’m wiping. This kinda weirds me out.
There isn’t enough room, that 's why I stand. I’ve never even heard of people remaining seated until a girlfriend said something about it once. (Sorry, I can’t for the life of me remember the conversation, but she looked at me like I was a freak for standing).
This was part of a poll I conducted at work a few years ago as a joke. I only printed 20 copies but the person at the mail stop address I used (I just made up an mail stop address) received over 50 replies. Other folks helped spread them around.
To provide the services required for users of Large Airplane Company rest room facilities, please take time to answer some questions for us. This survey is strictly voluntary and there is no requirement to answer the survey. Some questions are gender specific and are marked M for male or F for Female. Answer only the questions that apply to your gender. Circle the letter for the answer that most applies to you. Please, only one per person. Fold in half when complete, tape or staple close and return to MS 99-ZZ. Thank you.
M and F. Upon entering the restroom do you:
a. Wash your hands.
b. Find an empty stall
c. Find an empty stall only if there is reading material present.
d. Find the restrooms dirty and leave.
M and F. If all the facilities are in use when you enter a rest room do you:
a. Wait for a stall to become available.
b. Leave and go to another rest room.
c. Bang on the doors and tell users to hurry up.
d. Announce that you are from Facilities and give everyone 5 minutes to get out because the water is being shut off.
M and F. Upon entering a stall, do you:
a. Pull your pants down just enough to go and are very quiet.
b. Pull your pants down to your knees and hope you do not make much noise.
c. Pull your pants down to your ankles and do not worry about making noise.
d. Take your pants off and say halleluiah every time you something comes out.
M only. Do you use the toilet seat protection provided?
a. Yes.
b. Only if the seat looks dirty.
c. No.
d. Hells no, there are more germs on my butt than the seat.
F only. Do you use the toilet seat protection provided?
a. Yes.
b. Only if there are footprints on the seat.
c. No.
d. Hell no, I want to pay back that SOB that gave me crabs last week.
M and F. How much toilet tissue to you use during your average rest room visit?
a. Just a few sheets.
b. A couple good pulls are plenty.
c. I use as much as necessary to get clean.
d. There is never enough freaking butt wipe.
M and F. How do you remove the tissue from the rolls?
a. One sheet at a time carefully torn at the perforations.
b. Measured pulls that are folded.
c. Wrapped around your hand till you have a ball of tissue.
d. Two hand roll, lots and lots of butt wipe.
M and F. When cleansing yourself do you:
a. Reach between your legs.
b. Lean to the side.
c. Rise up and squat.
d. Stand up and try to look at my butt.
M only. Just before you flush, do you:
a. Look away and flush it down.
b. Take a peak then flush.
c. Check to make sure it will all go down.
d. Check out the size of turd and wonder where the green floaty turd came from.
F only. Just before you flush, do you:
a. Flush and not even look.
b. Take a glance and hope it all goes down.
c. Take a good look and then flush.
d. Damn, blood in the bowl and I’m not due to start my period for a couple more days.
M and F. Before leaving the stall, do you:
a. Leave as quickly as possible.
b. Make sure you have left nothing behind then leave.
c. Finish reading the graffiti on the walls.
d. Announce in a voice that all can hear “Geez, I’ve never seen it that color before.”
M and F. Before leaving the rest room, do you:
a. Wash my hands thoroughly with soap and hot water.
b. Splash the water around just enough to get my hands wet.
c. Run some water in the sink but do not get your hands wet.
d. Why wash my hands, they’re just going to get dirty again anyway.
I have a three-pronged strategy for the “big wipe”.
First of all, I use a tubular object that acts as a water storage facility. I take this with me wherever I go, but usually don’t need it. Well, I obviously don’t use the same one, but have around two or three of them. This object has a fine hose erect from its top corner. I ensure that the storage facility is filled fully with water, and then I insert the hose so that it is just overhanging my buttocks.
Here comes the tricky part. It works like this. If you apply pressure on the tube (storage) via squeezing, and then release, water will trickle out of the hose. The beauty is that the longer you apply this pressure, the greater the volume of water that is released. Therefore, I usually have it squeezed for about two whole seconds. Sometimes you will have to plan out the length of the squeeze so that you can get out just the right amount of water - depending on how big the dump was and the acquired “messiness”. You shouldn’t worry about it too much - in time you become an expert.
From there on out it’s pretty simple.
I use specially formulated baby-wipes to get at any remaining excrement left over. Don’t laugh - it’s extremely important that you get the last remaining drops of crap off your ass - too many people I know leave it until it’s too late. Someone I know developed a rash from leaving it this way.
Also, try and ensure that you get as little exrement on the surface of your hands as possible. You can do this by folding the baby-wipes in half - then folding again in a perfect square-like shape. There are basically two-rims off the butthole that you have to aim for - the inner and the outer. Apply your force gently over both rims, each time using a different corner of the baby-wipe in order to make sure that you don’t re-apply some of the ass-wipe that you have taken off back onto your butt.
I am a sitter, standing is just a bad idea. I’m a bit of a hairy ass guy. So there is not only the issue of spreading the cheeks, there is the issue of getting a clean approach and exit so that we don’t end up with residue on the ass hair. The natural cheek spread of the sitting position also pushes the hair into an outward facing position. which is fundamental. I lift my right cheek, reach in from the side and swivel my arm under to exit from the rear.
P.S. folded, not crumpled. With crumpled you have no idea how many layers you have and run the risk of poke-through.
I didn’t know that anyone wiped standing up. How bizarre!! I also don’t understand how it is done, unless you don’t have any ass cheeks. I’d be very nervous about the results (no rim jobs for you!!) I just scoot forward and reach around to the back. I also use wet wipes when downstairs or the bidet attachment when upstairs.
How does a MALE wipe sitting down? I guess if you have a little teeny baby weewee then I could see it shudder but if you have normal to (in my case) larger than normal then how the heck can you not have your boys or your appendage get in the way?!? I could Never wipe sitting down without dipping my sausage in the toilet water, yes I’ve tried…
Quite disturbing to hear that MEN wipe sitting down…
On the other hand I couldn’t see a reason for a woman to wipe standing up.
How could you be so confused about this? I’m sitting down right now (on a chair, fully clothed - don’t worry!)- I can reach round my back and touch my left hip with my right hand; I only have to lean a little bit to touch the floor; reaching around the back of my arse is simple.
[sub]That’s not to say that I don’t have a teeny baby weewee though.[/sub]
Ok in the interest of educating those of you who are confused about the sitting wipe, I’ve decided to throw away whatever dignity I may have remaining and take this photo: