Do You Think Attachment Distributions Have Changed?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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You’ll be shocked… shocked… to learn once again I quote an Atlantic article. But it claims “attachment styles”, if you buy the pop psychology, have changed among generations and no doubt due to social media, Covid and reasons.

People with a secure style feel that they can depend on others and that others can depend on them too. Those with a dismissing style—more commonly known as “avoidant”—are overly committed to independence and don’t feel that they need much deep emotional connection. People with a preoccupied (or “anxious”) style badly want intimacy but, fearing rejection, cling or search for validation. And people with fearful (or “disorganized”) attachment crave intimacy, too—but like those with the dismissing style, they distrust people and end up pushing them away. K

…People with a secure style feel that they can depend on others and that others can depend on them too. Those with a dismissing style…“avoidant”—are overly committed to independence and don’t feel that they need much deep emotional connection. People with a preoccupied (or “anxious”) style badly want intimacy but, fearing rejection, cling or search for validation. And people with fearful (or “disorganized”) attachment crave intimacy, too—but like those with the dismissing style, they distrust people and end up pushing them away.

They found an unfortunate trend: a 15 percent decrease in secure attachment, along with a 56 percent spike in dismissing attachment and a nearly 18 percent increase in the fearful style—the two types associated with lack of trust and self-isolation. “Compared with college students in the late 1980s,” the researchers wrote in their [2014 meta-review which looked at 100 studies between 1988 and 2011], “a larger proportion of students today agree that they are ‘comfortable without close emotional relationships.’

…More people than ever are living alone. Fewer people are aspiring to marry or have children. American culture is placing more importance on boundaries, assuming we need to protect ourselves from others’ bad intentions in relationships. Dating apps allow users to virtually swipe through potential partners so efficiently that they feel disconnected from real people. It could be all of these things, some combination of them, or something else entirely. We can’t determine why people are putting up walls, growing further and further away from one another. We just know it’s happening.

So what do you think?

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People aren’t much attached to this question…

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I think that much truth is in that article. I attribute a lot of what is happening to greater knowlege of crime and “bad” behaviors along with greater acknowledgement of individual mental issues and people feeling that “being careful” about friendships might be better than being burned by poor friendship choices. Overall, I think there is less pressure to get married and have kids because we understand just how many marriages/families can become messed up due to mental health issues, rudeness, etc. I feel there’s also less pressure to hide your problems than there was 40 and more years ago. *

This is all just my observation over the years, my own security issues, and watching others. I am not a professional.

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I think there have always been people who take advantage of the kindness of others or view prosocial behaviours as weakness. Technology, Covid and need for attention or publicity seem to have further muddied the waters. As for whether the numbers make sense… I dunno.

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I think that I don’t fit in any of the styles.

I need close connections with a few people, but I don’t need to see them all the time, and I don’t need close connections with a large number of people.

I don’t feel entirely secure, as I know my ability to read social signals used to be terrible and still has its flaws; but I think I’m pretty good about acting secure in the relationships I feel the most confident about, and I don’t worry about those very much. I’m more likely to worry about a relatively recent relationship; but again I don’t think it usually shows.

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I know that attachment theory for children is a scientifically supported thing, but I was under the impression that this stuff as applied to adult personalities is kinda bunk. Like you might as well be handing out personality tests.

So I don’t put a lot of stock into the meaning of this research. But certainly cultural norms have changed and that can’t be denied. I think it’s probably for the worse. One of the things most necessary for human happiness is a sense of community, and we have lost that. And we are less happy for it.