My SO likes to wear sandals and water shoes (a kind of sneakers). With socks. Now, as most of you know, a guy wearing shorts and socks in sandals, is committing a fashion misdemeanor that very plainly says “clueless”. Not wanting my SO to look dorky, I bought him several pairs of thin black ankle socks, to wear in his sandals/watershoes. He accepted them with a shrugging thanks. Problem solved, right?
No. Today, I found out he has been in a meeting, while wearing his best black dress pants and shoes, and the same thin black anklesocks. So basically he has been flashing his boss his bare hairy ankles all through the meeting.
Many guys, and my SO is one of them, only check their socks while standing up and have no idea how much ankle and shin are visible when a guy sits cross legged.
In this case not much harm is done, because my SO works for a small company of fifteen IT geeks and the boss is pleased with his work. But knowing my SO, if I don’t say something he will flash his bare ankles at important company clients as well. Or he will wear cat-hair covered dark shirts to important meetings. Or he might postpone going to a hairdresser for so long his hair will look funny in the back where he can’t see it, but I and everyone else can.
So, girls and guys: where do you draw the line between looking at your SO and thinking: “It wouldn’t be my taste, but hey, I don’t have to wear it" and standing up and saying “No way are you going out dressed like that” ?
Do you tell your SO a particular piece of clothing doesn’t flatter him/her, or do you wait until asked? Is (s)he usually grateful for the advice?
My last girlfriend did this, and it drove me completely, absolutely insane. Easily one of the most annoying parts of the relationship.
See, I’m a pretty normal guy, but I am a little obsessed with 80’s cartoons and Nintendo games. Most of my t-shirts have either NES characters, or Autobots or Thundercats symbols on them. I think they’re pretty cool, but my last girlfriend would insist I wear a polo when going out to dinner with her. She’d allow my cartoon shirts on trips to the grocery store or something, and would roll her eyes and sigh when I got a compliment on the shirts (which happened frequently).
Anyway, it made me feel like a child when she’d give me her “suggestions”.
Oh, and a real-life example similar to yours… I wear business casual to work, so like khakis and a nice button-up shirt and sometimes a tie. But my work allows me to take time during my lunch hour to go running, so sometimes I’m known to wear my gym socks with my corporate clothes in the morning to save myself a little bit of time when changing to go running. My last girlfriend, this would drive her insane despite the fact that we don’t work together, I don’t meet with clients, and my legs are under a desk all day.
I was 25 when I dated her, and she made me feel like a child with her “suggestions”.
Pepper Mill occasionally does this for me. I have the fashion sense of a wart hog. I LIKE wearing sandals with socks, and don’t think it looks bad (I wear them without socks, too. Without being told), but she’ll let me know if I’ve committed a fashion sin.
I’d be wearing my sweet Pac Man shirt all day, doing errands or taking my dog for a walk or whatever. Then I’d go pick her up to go out to eat or something, and she’d look at me say “are you really going to wear that t-shirt? To Chili’s? No… here.” and hand me a polo shirt I’d left there that was dirty, but still somehow preferable to my awesome t-shirt that, as an adult, I’d picked out and purchased and chose to wear that morning.
Same thing with the socks. She’d see me getting ready in the morning, and just shake her head at my sock selection. “Why are you wearing white socks?”, she’d ask. I’d reply “Because they’re more comfortable. Because I’m going running at lunch and it’ll save me 2 or 3 minutes changing into my gym socks. Because I don’t have any meetings scheduled today. Because I’m not out to impress anyone with my sock selection. Because I’m out of black socks.” I’d use one, two, however many excuses it took to get me out the door with as little eye-rolling as possible. Either way, my sock selection was my decision, and she wasn’t out to save me any embarrassment, she was out to save HERSELF a little embarrassment from showing up with a guy wearing a cartoon t-shirt or something.
My current girlfriend just bought me a totally rad Superman t-shirt and kind of giggles when I wear white socks with my corporate clothes, which I find much more preferable.
Oh, and don’t even get me started on facial hair and the kind of “caring for” me she did in that regard.
I’ve had to call foul on some of the things my husband has planned to wear out. I don’t say anything if
a) We’re just going to be around the house
b) The outfit is off, but not too egregious - after all, who died and made me fashion police
c) He’s going to a meeting full of similarly clueless men who won’t be dressed any better.
I have, on a few occasions, had to pull out the old, “You’re not wearing that, are you?” I don’t like to have to do it - it does make me feel like his mother. Like many men, however, he is missing the portion in his brain that tells him what coordinates with what. This is why he was about to go out to dinner with friends wearing almost white pants, and almost white shirt, a black belt, and brown shoes. He looked like he was about to play Jesus in Godspell. And I’ve yet to convince him that olive green pants do *not * “go with everything.” (his logic is that they’re khakis, and khakis go with everything)
No, the advice isn’t appreciated, as evidenced by the fact that he shot back with, “Well, you dress like your mother!”
The last time I had an SO, he dressed much better than I did, not that would be a difficult feat. Anyway, I might suggest something if the person looked really bad (clashing colors, too formal or casual for the event, stains) but otherwise I figure they’re an adult and can dress themselves. Now, if my SO were to ask, I might be a bit more inclined to advise, but I’m not going to freak out on them, either.
Now the sock thing wasson speaks of, that I don’t get. I mean, is anyone going to see his white socks and gasp in horror?
Bear in mind that I used to date a guy who wore all black, underwear and socks included, because he didn’t want to have to worry about any of his clothes matching or having to be specially washed.
It’s been 7 months, and I haven’t witnessed any fashion faux pas … so far. Sometimes he’ll wear shorts with this one pair of shoes that I think just don’t look right with shorts, but it’s definitely not a big enough deal for me to say anything. He seems to know how to dress for dinner (at more formal restaurants, not just Chili’s ;)), for work, for interviews, etc. Most of the stuff we do is very casual, so how we’re dressed doesn’t matter much. We’ll see what happens the first time we go to a wedding together, or when I bring him to my company’s holiday party this year, but honestly I can’t imagine “correcting” any part of his appearance (unless he missed a noticeable spot while shaving, or something). I’m hardly a fashion maven myself, and I certainly wouldn’t want him to do that to me – though that would mean he’d have to notice what I wear.
I tend to be hyper-aware of what I’m wearing, and tend to do the same for others. It’s honestly amazing how badly most people dress; more than anything, it’s always “so close, yet so far” - if they’d just wear that shirt one size smaller (or larger), if they’d *just * wear black socks instead of white athletic socks with those pants, if she’d have just thrown on a belt with those jeans.
With my SO, I’ve learned to pick my battles when it comes to this. She’s an insanely cute dresser 95% of the time, but she has a few garments that just look terrible and I feel that it’s only right to let her know. If anything, I wish she’d do the same for me - I recently caught a picture of myself wearing a shirt that I really dig, and it turns out that it makes me look about 30 lbs. heavier than I am. OOPS.
I kind of do - my husband is color-blind in the blue-green range and when we first got married he had some clothes that were just horrible. As in he would come down the stairs and I would say “Tweeeet! Thank you for playing, and we have some lovely parting gifts! You are not leaving the house with those shorts and that shirt!”
Part of the battle was buying him nice clothes in the brown/maroon/black range; he wears those colors well and if everything goes with everything else there’s not much of a problem. If he’s just hanging around the house I don’t worry that he hurts my eyes.
My SO is a fashion wreck. And most of the time I just let it be, because to be honest we’re not going anywhere fancy or doing anything special. And if he doesn’t care, I try not to either. Besides, I’m kind of a fashion disaster too at times.
But there have been a handful of times (I’d say 2 or 3 of them in the 3 years we’ve been together) that I have put my foot down and said “no, absolutely not.” Most other times I just keep my mouth shut.
I was all set to come in here and say you were crazy but your examples made me rethink it. I really wouldn’t like a man who couldn’t dress well (better than me) and coordinated for work at least.
I don’t have this problem too much. One of the things I always loved about my SO is he has an impeccable sense of style. On the contrary, I’ve been known to ask him if things look good on me, and go by his judgement. I like a sophisticated man, and part of that is good dress sense.
But you can’t nag all the time. If you’re in a relationship with someone that is more casual, well, I assume you knew what he was like or gathered it in the beginning? You’ll just have to see if you can get along with it. I happen to think trying to change a man against his will (or a woman for that matter) is foolhardy and a waste of time. I am astounded with the amount of people who enter relationships with the full intent of changing the other half. I am trying to be equal, but it’s mainly women who do this. Men prefer we stay the way we are.
“Pick your battles” is a perfect way to put it though.
My SO is red-green color blind. We have an agreement that I’ll let him know if anything looks off. It doesn’t happen to often, but once in a while I let him know that the shirt is green, not grey.
Other then that, there have been a couple of time when I’ve asked him if he would mind wearing something a little nicer, but I usually word it that way, meaning it’s not a bad outfit, I was just hoping to be a bit fancier.
Once in awhile I’ll suggest he change, but only if it’s really bad - like he’s wearing his red shirt w/ green-ish khaki’s. “Sweetie, you look like Christmas”. He has lost some weight, so sometimes I’ll say if something looks too big on him, too.
Otherwise I don’t really care. He’s a t-shirt & jeans guy most of the time, so coordination isn’t an issue, and I have no issue with Pac-Man type t-shirts. And he knows how to dress himself nicely when necessary.
Sometimes I’ll ask his opinion on an outfit. Not in a “does this make me look fat?” way, but “does this oufit look good together?”. If he has any suggestions, I usually end up looking better.
My hubby has no freakin’ clue about fashion; not just fashion, he can’t even figure out which shirt goes with which pair of pants. To his credit, he acknowledges this. If my phone ever rings at 7AM, it’s almost sure to be him, asking “Hey, does my pink shirt go with my khakis?” because he’s getting dressed for work.
Sometimes, he will want to know why things don’t go. He’ll say “Well, gray and brown are both neutrals, so why can’t I wear my brown shirt with my gray pants?” and I tell him “You’re not ever going to understand, so don’t ask”.
OTOH, I have a couple of dresses that I love (mostly because they’re mad comfy!), and he hates (because he says they’re ugly). So, in the interest of keeping the peace, I wear those dresses during the week, while he’s not here.
Well, to be fair to me, my SO will actually ask for advice on what to wear to various places so I’m happy to provide it.
The only thing we ever have a disagreement about is his ball cap - he has a favorite ball cap that, if left to his own devices, he would wear EVERYWHERE. Sometimes I vito the cap.
I informed my SO that he’s on 24 hour alert to inform me when I’m wearing something dorky or unflattering. He’s a good judge of what looks good and he’s never demeaning about it.
He’s also the bestest shopping partner ever. We both attribute it to him being raised by his mother and three sisters. I loathe shopping but with him it’s a quick and painless experience.
(Which reminds me, my Thundercats shirt finally gave up the ghost. Time to hunt for a replacement.)
I’ve only commented on my husband’s clothing once when he was trying to wear black socks with his sandals and shorts. I just recommended he look in the mirror. When he did, he came back looking kind of sheepish. “I look like an old man, don’t I?” he asked. “A little,” I responded. He took off the socks, we left and that was it.
I wouldn’t really have cared if he had gone out like that. After all, I don’t dress him, so it’s not like it’d be a commentary on me. But I didn’t think he’d want to go out like that.
Other than that one incident, what he wears is up to him unless he asks for a suggestion.
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