Do you want a crab claw?

D: So, uh do you want a crab claw?

B: Noooooo.

D: How about a uhhhh…

B: Ice cream?!?

D: No. You eat too much junk.

B: Don’ eat junk!

D Well, let’s see what’s in the fridge. Help Daddy up.

B: Puuuulllllllll,

D: Hmmm. Okay. Let’s see. How about a ummm., crab claw?

B: No.

D: Do you want a hot dog?

B: No.

D: How about a…

B: Lollipop?

D: No. That’s junk.

B: Don’t eat junk!!

D: That’s right. How about a fruit and apple?

B: (pause) no,

D: How about a crab claw?

B: No.

D: We have a lot of them.

B: …

D: You should eat a crab claw. It’ll make you strong.

B: No, Daddy. I don’ like it.

D: Why not?

B: …

D: How about a hamburger?

B: No thank you.

D: There’s not really much else here. How about we split a fropi?

B: No.

D: How about a pickle?

B: …

D: Do you want a pickle?

B: …

D: Here, try one. It’s yummy. ::crunch:: Mmmm. Daddy likes it. It’s like a lollipop!

B: Lollipop?

D: Here.

B: ::Crunch:: Ewwwwwww, yuck ::spit spit:: I don’ like it.

D: Well, there’s still half a pickle here. We’ll put it back.

B: Ice cream?

D: No junk.

B: Don’ eat junk!!

D: That’s right. Let’s see. You sure you don’t want a crab claw.

B: No.

D: You like crab claws. Let’s have a crab claw.

B: No Daddy! I don’t like it. No. I don’ wann’ it!

D: How about some cereal?

B: (pause) ok,

D: No. You eat too much cereal, and make a mess. How about a crab claw?

B: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

D: Ok ok.


D: Oh honey stop. It’s ok. What’s the matter?


D: How about some ice cream?

B: ok.

D: Hah! Crocodile tears I knew it! No Ice cream for you! I’m making a crab claw.


M: What’s going on in there?

D: Nothing.


M: Oh my baby! Come here. What is Daddy doing?

B: Daddy’s mean!!

M: I know.

D: We’re just making dinner.

B: I don’ wanna crab claw!!!

D: They’re good. You like them!

M: Why are you torturing her?

D: What are you… I’m not… I’m just…

B: Daddy’s mean!

D: Look at that smile on her face. She’s doing it on purpose.

M: How could you say that? Look how upset she is!


M: Oh my baby! It’s ok. Daddy’s all gone. What do you want?

B: I :sniff sniff: I wanna… ::sniff:: I wanna ice cream.

M: Ok just this one time because Daddy was mean.

D: Oh my God!

M: Here we go.

D: Well, I’m just gonna make a crab claw for myself then.

M: Whatever. Just stop.

D: Should I make some more. I mean do you or her want some?

M: I think it’s quite clear what you want. Just take care of yourself.

B: Daddy’s mean!

M: That’s right. here look Mommy’s making the ice cream. You want whipped cream and chocolate?

B: ok.

M: Spinkles and fruit?

B: Yes please.

M: Oh you’re so good, oh my baby!

B: I like ice cream.

D: Well, I’m just going to go in here and eat my crab claw.

M: Don’t you dare leave us. You spend some time with us.

D: Ok, I’ll eat it here. I’ll just crack the meat out.
Hmmmm. Hmmmm. Hmmmm.

Slop slop.

Crack crack.

D: I’ll just melt some butter.

B: All done.

M: No more?

B: I wanna crab claw.

M: Daddy will share.

D: Oh Jesus Christ! I don’t even beleive this! No Fuc…


D: ooops. Sorry.

M: Just give her the crab claw.

B: MMmmmmmm. :slobber slobber eat eat chomp chomp::

D: Oh man,

B: I like

M: That’s so good Oh my baby. Look at you eating.

B: I like it.

D: Do you want a crab claw?

B: No.

M: Have another bite.

B: All done.

M: Hey! You did that on purpose! Now she won’t eat anymore!

D: What are you talking about.

B: I don’ like it

D: You see?

M: I can’t beleive you just did that.

B: Daddy’s mean!

M: That’s right.

This cracked me up (no pun intended). Thanks!

Daddy’s mean! Maybe he’s feeling crabby today. hee hee hee!

Customer: Do you serve crabs?
Waiter: We serve everyone, sir.


Why I would love a crab claw, thank you!

Would you please crack it for me, remove the good stuff, drench it in butter, and put it in my mouth?


Now see? You knew what the answer would be. You’re just causing trouble.

“Do you have crab claws?”

“Why yes we do!”

“How do you button your shirt?”


You’re lucky. Try this on for size:

(At the Co-op) -
Me: Do you want a lobster? I’m getting that three-pounder there.

Adult Human Female: No, just get me a nice piece of sea bass.

Me: They don’t do that here. You have to buy the whole fish. Are you sure you don’t want a lobster?

AHF: No, let’s stop at the fish market on the way home.

(At the market)
Me: You wanted striper, right?

AHF: Actually I changed my mind, could I have some salmon instead?

Me: Okay, let me ask the guy if I could smell it before…

AHF: LOOK, CAN WE JUST BUY THE D**DED FISH? I want to go home!

(At Home, after lighting the grill and trying to resurrect long-deceased fish with lemon and garlic)

Me: Okay, here ya’ go. Salmon grilled with lemon butter.

AHF: Ewww. This is off.

Me: Well, I wanted to smell…

AHF: Can I have some of your lobster? Just a little bit.

Me: Hey! That’s my dinner!

AHF: -crunch-crunch-slurp-suck-crunch Thanks for buying dinner, sweetie.

My stomach: grumble-grumble-grumble

Me: Uh, Okay, you’re welcome. [sub]grumble, grumble, grumble[/sub]

Yeah, I feel your pain.

You offered her cereal, then told her no when she said yes?

No wonder she had a meltdown!