Do you want new options for common products?

I want a wrist watch “chime” that does the our and half hour, like old mantel clocks. And I’d like it not to chime at all between midnight and 8 am.

I want an alarm that shuts itself off after some length of time. On Saturday I often forget it’s still set and hear it still endlessly ringing when I return from my early walk.

I want a VCR that doesn’t screw up either channel 3 or 4. Nobody gets channel 12, so why not screw that one up instead.

I want an electric stove burner that will be on high until the soup boils, then switch to simmer before it boils over.
They did this once, I think.

I want all gas pilot lights to have built-in flints so you don’t need to stick an oversize match through a tiny hole to light them.

I want a faucet that turns off automatically when my cat is finished drinking.

I want a kitchen light that turns off automatically when my husband leaves the room.

I want a computer that does not what I ask it to, but what I * meant * to ask it to do.

Was that what you had in mind?

Oh, now I get it.

I want the toilet that automatically flushes a few minutes after you get off the seat. Hubby frequently “forgets” to flush if he just pees. He pays the water bill, so I think he’s just trying to save a penny or two.

Wait, that wouldn’t work. He doesn’t sit down to pee. Hmmmmm.

Okay, make the toilet flush when the bathroom light is turned off.

Nope, not that either. Sometimes we go into that room just to comb our hair, or take a pill, or put clothes in the hamper. No need to flush after that.

Oh! This’ll work! A special mat he can stand on when he pees!!

My gas stove has something like this.

Hmm, I want the alarm to be loud enough to wake my husband, but not me. I’d also like a “reverse microwave” type of thing that would make instant ice cubes or freeze food instantly.


I want LESS options.

I do not want a freakin digital clock on every freakin appliance in my freakin house. The freakin stove’s got one, the freakin microwave’s got one, the freakin coffee maker’s got one, the freakin radio’s got one, the freakin thermostat’s got one, the freakin VCRs’ got one. At least I have an old phone without one. And they’re all different freakin colors and can never, ever, ever be synchronized. Did I mention I wear a freakin watch?

Oh yeah, and when the freakin things reset they should just go BLACK. Not flash 12:00 or say PF or RESET or anything else.

Well ok, I would like a reverse microwave if it didn’t have a freakin digital clock.