Okay, I realize this sounds cruel, but I really don’t want to know if someone I haven’t been in contact for years/decades passes away. I want to remember them as I last saw/thought of them.
When my Mom passed away a couple of years ago, my siblings and I discussed whether we should inform our relatives, many of whom we haven’t been in contact for years/decades about her passing. Her two remaining sisters were both mentally deficient (dementia/Alzheimers) and I happened to talk to her one remaining brother at my house when he stopped by to tell her his former wife passed away. When I told him she was in a care home, his only response was “Oh yeah?” and continued to talk about his illnesses.
We finally decided to tell only one uncle on my Dad’s side because my brother happened to meet him while she was in the care home and my brother had to keep in contact with him to get instructions and permission to open the family shrine to put her cremains in. We didn’t even have a funeral ceremony since it would only be the siblings.
Even if I wasn’t the youngest, I would feel no obligation to represent the family at a funeral, telling people, “Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss.”, while thinking, I haven’t seen you in 20 years and really haven’t thought about your or your family in all that time.