Do you want to smack the sh_t out of somebody?

Everbody has bad days. Its part of life. Then there are the days when you just want to slap the snot out of a few specific people.

Individuals I would like to smack:

My brother. I just got an email from Mother_Maven. Mouse_Bro is back in the hospital with heart trouble - cardiomyopathy. He had a similar episode two years ago. Part of me feels guilty because we’re not that close. The rest of me want to punch him and scream: Stop smoking! Stop drinking! Stop eating all that fast-food junk! Oh yea gods! Your only 27 and you have a 10 year old son. Start taking care of yourself!

The Department Head. He’s leaving for Canada next year. We’re running out of money. He’s constantly out of the lab. Oh, I got this meeting in California. And I’ve got to see this guy in Boston about this paper. And I agreed to be an editor for this journal. Why do you need to know when I’m out of town? I’d love to give him a good solid slap and tell him to take care of his people here before bouncing around the globe.

My boss. He’s been on service at the hospital and not answering his email or our phone messages. We finally got him to call us and he mentioned that things haven’t been that busy for him. He gets smacked for being a rude MoFo.

Anyone you want to slap?

55% of the Colorado voters.

The CEO of this company - ran the company into the ground, sold out to our competitor, and is getting a multi-million dollar bonus (include the board who approve his every action).

Several of my students. I do not want people to fail my class. But if they won’t show up to class, they will fail. (Not a policy set by me, a policy set by the administration). If they don’t do the homework, they will fail (policy that is half mine, half administration).

I had half a dozen students fail to take the midterm. As in, they were not in class on the day of the midterm and they made no effort to contact me about rescheduling. So now they are out of luck. (The midterm is a small part of the grade, so not taking the midterm will not cause anyone to fail, but … . . given that the students who didn’t show are also the ones not showing in general and not doing the homework, I’m kind of irked with them. )

I could slap the management at the hospital I’m leaving… The lab is losing three full-time staff members over the course of three months, and they’re doing their best to avoid hiring anyone until the new batch of student interns finishes school in June. Meanwhile, everyone left in the lab is overworked and doing extra shifts. One woman who finally got herself a permanent daytime position is still stuck doing nights because there’s nobody else to do them. It’s wrong, and irresponsible, and mean to do that to your staff. I feel sort of bad for leaving them, but I’m going anyway.

Two friends deserve a slap too, for buying beyond their means all the damn time. One who has to buy every new Apple gadget that comes out, even if he now has 6 iPods, and one who just moved across the country and is struggling with high rent and loss of a roommate, and decided to buy an elliptical trainer to help with the stress.

Smacks, the lot of ya!

I’d like to slap my soon-to-be-ex-boss and ex-immediate-supervisor, but I’m afraid whatever it is that has given both such a huge case of Teh Ztupis would be catchy even through thick latex gloves. So, rather than verify whether nitrate ones are better, I’m just leaving. Serves 'em right.

I would like to slap the AWOL fundraising committee of a charity I’m on the board of. I did not join the fundraising committee because I am terrible at fundraising, which I have told them each time they have declined to respond to my requests for some fundraising. We are moving soon and badly need funds raised. The only thing the fundraising committee has been doing (with the exception of a dedicated member who is organizing a craft sale, which will be great, but will not produce the $15000 we need), other than nothing, is pointing out how bad my fundraising strategy is.

You are not a fundraising CONSULTING committee. Do the bloody fundraising.

Argh!

I really shouldn’t have left the house Saturday, but I did.
Couple o’ people I wanted to smack the sh_t out of:

Brand new Lowe’s store opened up. Cashier probably has been on the job less than 5 days. Some redneck dude starts in on her about how he couldn’t get any goddamn customer service back there, and customerservice just doesn’t exsist anymore, and up at his cabin there is a lumber yard where the owner loads your truck for you, blah, blah. SHUT THE HELL UP!! You big oversized man-child crybaby! Go cry to someone else. (I wanted to kick him in the nuts so bad)

So I head over to Barnes & Noble to have a coffee and look over the magazines on a busy Saturday morning. Now I know it ain’t a library but most people hanging around the magazines on the benches are a quiet bunch and if they do talk to someone it’s in a polite hushed voice. At least thats what the dozen or so of us were doing. Until cell-phone guy starts a business call and talks in “full-on presentation voice” and paces back and forth, up and down the magazine rack. SHUT THE HELL UP!!! There’s over a dozen of us giving you dirty looks and I’m about to punch you in the balls you moron! Get a clue!

Yep. Probably shouldn’t have left the house that day.

The President, and the entire Republican party.

Every priest of every religion.

Everyone in the tobacco industry ( preferably with a 2-by-4 ).

A certain obnoxious inlaw named Susan.

A variety of my teachers and fellow students from school, way back when ( which is why I’d never go to a reunion ).

The dumbass who did that pull into traffic in the right lane to go left thing they do in Rhode Island, except there were like 7 cars whizzing along in the left lane and all she was doing was blocking me because she wasn’t making that left turn anytime soon. I had to slow all the way down and inch around her because she wouldn’t back up a little even though there was nobody around her and then she honked back at me even though she couldn’t have been more wrong. Slap!

Sorry to hear about Mouse_Bro.

{{{{{Mouse_Maven}}}}}

Don’t worry- not being close to your sibling doesn’t cause cardiomyopathy. I’m not close to my sister, and she doesn’t have it.

People I’d like to smack:

People who say that the reason same-sex marriage shouldn’t be allowed because the purpose of marriage is to produce children. My marriage means a lot more than that to me, and it offends me when someone trivializes marriage that way. I don’t have any kids yet, but my marriage is not meaningless because of that.

All people who whine or yell at some poor cashier (or airline gate agent, or whatever) who they know damn well has no ability to change whatever is bothering them.

People who do little mean things to others, just to enjoy the power trip it gives them. Like the people who speed up or slow down so you can’t merge into their lane, or the ones who deliberately delay leaving a parking space because they enjoy making you wait.

Lusers who won’t work with IT people to solve their supposedly urgent problem, but want the IT people to do everything (sometimes including things that are the luser’s freakin’ JOB).

People who dawdle at the supermarket checkout. Especially the ones who balance their checkbooks while they’re standing there, and they’re always standing somewhere such that I can’t swipe my store-club card and credit card.

Car manufacturers, for not picking one side for the gas cap for all cars and sticking with it. I wouldn’t care which side it was, just make them all the same.

If I weren’t 5’3" with T-Rex arms (short, weak arms, like T-Rexes had), I’d prefer to grab them by the collar, lift their feet off the ground, and give them a good shake.

Advertisers, the local cable company, and the assholes downstairs.

Why can’t some SDMB members answer a single thread without getting political? No, I’m not going to smack them because that would incur the Wrath of Mods.

Smackworthy people:
• My boss for giving me a project at 3 PM yesterday and telling me it had to be ready before 9 AM today. He had only been sitting on the data for a freaking week.
• Family in general. That’s why we are having Thanksgiving with friends instead of family. My father-in-law combines the worst qualities of Archie Bunker, Ralph Kramden and Fred Flintstone. My MIL is Edith Bunker, sweet but stupid. My BILs are just like their dad. My mother wants to talk about medical problems constantly and I would rather not hear about her bowel problems while I pour gravy on my mashed potatoes. My father has the warmth of a coat rack and is a pompous windbag. My gold-digging sister is almost finished with her second marriage with a much older man but I would have to endure the praise and adoration she’ll receive from my folks. Yup, I’d rather have dinner with the Manson family than my own.

I would like to smack this girl in my department, who spent two days in a national recreation area at our agency’s expense and then complained that it was “out in the middle of fucking nowhere” and she was afraid she’d get ax-murdered. SLAP! It’s the woods! It’s scenic! You got a free vacation! SLAP!

I would like to slap a certain boy who can’t make up his friggin’ mind already. Actually, he gets two hits.

Then, I would like to slap myself for giving a shit about said boy.

Finally, I would like to slap the woman who asked my bra size, and then, when I told her, said “That’s not your size.” Good lord woman - do you want me to take the friggin’ thing off so you can check the size. Good grief people are bizarre.

Heh. My brother had a heart attack in June (at 38) and since he was already slapping himself silly I moved on to – where can we go from here? Poor thing, he must get it from my father who finds someone to blame for everything!

Hell, I’d liek to slap that woman and I don’t even know her. How the hell would that even come up in conversation, unless she’s the JC Penney bra fitter?

Her daughter had her boobage lifted last year and it turns out that her bra size and my bra size are the same. (Or was the same before the lift). Anyhow - mine poke out, whereas her daughter’s faced the ground, so obviously mine aren’t the same size.

It was a very strange conversation, that involved her staring at my chest quite a bit.

Thanks Anne. :smiley: :smiley:

I want to slap my boss some more. My co-worker, Rob the Aussie, is working his ass off to renew our protocols. Dr. Boss hasn’t given him the information he needs. smack!!

My ex boss.

Pay me!

In that kind of situation, I usually blame my now-dead ancestors, some of whom married their first cousins.

The HR people at the two or three companies where I’ve applied for jobs that I would be perfect for, who never even asked me in for an interview.

The two guys I dated in the past year who were great except that they were each still getting over a serious relationship that had recently ended.

I’d also like to smack around a cute guy - any cute guy - just for fun.