What will start off your Chainsaw Rampage at your place of work? (swearing inside)

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

I think for me it’s going to be when I hear this for the ten thousand’th time…

“The…. Toll…. Free…… Number………You…….Have………………Dialled……………………………Is………………………………
………………Not……Toll…Free…If…
Dialled…From…Outside
…The…United
…States…
…
…You.
…May…Be…Charged…
…International…Direct…
…Dial…Rates…
…For the call…
If… you…
do… not…
wish… to…
proceed… with…
this… call,… please
hang… up… now”

It’s not so much the message, but the fact that I have to call these incompetent lazy dickheads that have this toll free number on an almost a daily basis.
(OK the pauses aren’t that bad, but the above does represent how ridiculously too fucking long the message is. It should be “You are dialing from outside the US so this call will not be toll free” or there should just be no message, and they assume that people who’re dialing from another country know it won’t be toll free.

What will set off your rampage?

#2

Wow, there are so many…

The next bastard that asks me how much money it will take to fill his gas tank. How the holy fuck should I know? It’s your car, is it empty, 1/4 full, what?

The next bastard that asks me “Do you sell soda?” This is a large convenience store. What do YOU think?

The next bastard who comes in the door, period…

Joe

#3

You should joke around with them in a way that tells them they just asked a stupid question.

To the first one - "I’ll just stick my head in there and have a look how much space there is.

To the second one - “No”

When the answer surprises them - “Well why did you ask?”
Or for the first one you could just say “Think about the question you just asked”

#4

“Quantative scores are useless”.

#5

“Oh, hey, I have a conference call in an hour, and it could mean a new contract. Can you put some charts together on the data we’ve generated over the last four months?”

[pull]
[pull]
Broooooooooommmmm!!!

Vlad/Igor (does someone have more gas and 2-cycle oil?)

#6

The next time the salesguy asks me “are you okay?” Am I bleeding? Am I crying? Then I’m FINE DAMMIT! He asks me that about five times a day. I’m pretty sure it’s his equivalent of “how are you?” but it sounds so intrusive and retarded.

No, I don’t really like socializing with my coworkers.

Or the next time he or the other salesguy who hasn’t been in in a week, stares at the stuff I’m printing or starts going through the pile of printed stuff. Look dumbass, that’s not even your order, why the hell do you care? If you’re wondering if something is getting printed, ask me! Or better yet, ask my boss so I don’t have to talk to you. I don’t decide when things get printed, I just do it.

#7

“Hey, I haven’t been to class in a week and a half and I have some questions about the homework that’s due tomorrow, and I’m a little worried about the test we’ve got on Monday.”

No shit?

#8

It could be anything, like today it could have been the umpteenth time I’ve found an empty stapler because no one else can figure out how to put new staples in even though there is a handy how to picture on the stapler itself so when a stapler runs out of staples they just go get another stapler until all of the staplers in the building are all on the same desk and all but one are empty! And they can’t even leave the empty ones open so you end up picking up the empty stapler and trying to staple things with it! hyperventilates

#9

types up huge and detailed credit analysis of current clients including provisions for debt blah I’m sure your eyes are glazing over but trust me it is very detailed and tells you eveything you want to know about our risk position

send to corporate overlords via their representative

corporate overlord representative calls to ask me to send him something that is very clearly contained within and labeled accordingly in above mentioned reports

Which means…I spent hours…and he didn’t even look at it…

ARGH! BOOM!

Cheers,
Grrr,
G

#10

Um…leave it open then after YOU find out it’s empty?

#11

These people obviously grew up watching 70’s cop shows, in which the pursued criminal uses all his bullets and then throws the empty pistol.

#12

One of these days a Crackuttane patient will force me to end it all and take everyone out with me. The iPledge program makes the rules, bitches, not me! When you signed the contract to take Accutane, you made a commitment to not only understand the rules but to follow them, and you’re not getting your prescription until you do what you’re supposed to!

#13

I actually tried leaving one open once and waiting for someone else to put staples in it … I ended up putting staples in it days later.

Oh yeah, and there was the one time someone tried to put in new staples but didn’t look at the handy pictographs and put the staples in wrong and jammed the stapler, so they hid it behind the computer monitor. :mad:

#14

What sort of stuff do you need to do in order to get Accutane? I used to know someone who had to take it, and he had to get blood tests…is that what the contract is about?

#15

If you’re a woman taking Accutane, I think you have to get pregnancy tests.

#16

It’s a Small Block Chevy, their all the same.

We have a pact at work that when ever a customer says that, they get no help from us until they admit how wrong they are.

#17

[hijack]I had an agreement with the corp. secretary since she would also get annoyed at this. I would hide all the empty staplers I found. When noone could find the staplers, they would request the secretary to order some more. She would then pull out the “new” stapler, instructed the person how to fill it (actually made them do it), and had them sign a little form/certificate indicating that the person was fully qualified to operate and maintain a stapler, and agreed to keep the stapler in full working order. When the people started to complain how juvenile it was, the VP stepped in and let everyone know that seeking another stapler instead of filling the empty one was even more juvenile.
Needless to say, it no longer became a problem :smiley:

Ok, my rampage?
Stopping breaking all the locks on the pedi-cart! All the drawers have basically the same thing - if you dont know where to find an item, LOOK ON THE LIST located on top of the cart!

#18

I work in a mail sorting centre with very, very tight deadlines. I have experience in my specialised area (express mail, so very, very, very tight deadlines), and I am yet to see some manager blow in and say, “We want to implement some changes. I thought it’d be good to ask you guys first, as you work here every day, and you know more about this area than we do. Will the changes work? If they will, how should we do them?”

No, they come down and say, “We are going to do x. Make it so.”

So yeah, next time that happens.

#19

I find that keeping a sign next to my desk that says ‘Number of stupid questions till violent psychotic rampage:’ with a little flip chart of numbers works pretty well.

#20

Females have to have pregnancy tests and other blood tests, and males have to have blood tests, too, and they all have to be done less than seven days before they can fill their Rx, not within seven days of their appointment, which is somehow extremely difficult for them to understand. If it’s expired, I will send you back to the lab before you can get your Rx, and don’t be mad at me, it’s the rules! Plus, females have to log into their computer and answer questions about birth control and sex after their appointment but before going to the pharmacy. Also, they will NEVER get a prescription without being seen- it’s one of the first things about Accutane that I tell them, yet they complain about having to be seen every month. It’s all very complicated, I agree, but they did get a book explaining it all, and they did sign forms stating that they understood.