Here’s the scenario: you’re bringing your SO/college roommates/in-laws/coworkers/bowling team to a gathering where some of your more colorful family members will be present. Would you clue them in ahead of time? For example -
[ul]
[li]Aunt Mable counts her peas before she eats them.[/li][li]Fred’s been a little twitchy since coming back from Afghanistan - make sure he sees you before you say anything to him.[/li][li]Gladys is a hypochondriac - please try to avoid any health-related conversations with her.[/li][li]Uncle Donny lies about everything - don’t try to confuse him with facts.[/li][/ul]
Face it, most families have characters who are accepted and tolerated because they’re family. When you grow up with it, that’s just the way life is, but your associates may not have similar experiences, so should you prepare them ahead of time?
And, no, this isn’t “Need answer fast” - in my sleepless night, I got to thinking about my grandfather and uncles who’d get really loud and “argumentative” after a few beers. It wasn’t hostile, just bragging and BS-ing at high volume. I think if I’d taken a friend to one of those dinners, I’d want to warn them so they wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. As it happened, those were always family-only gatherings, so my friends were spared.
Absolutely. It’s kind of a mean trick to not tell your friends when you are bringing them into an edgy or even dangerous situation – why in the world wouldn’t everybody?
Yes – I did and I do; especially when inviting “adopted cousins” to something like our Family Day at Knoebels that brings out the extra-silly in us all. I am strange and as you have seen IRL kinda outspoken but among my family I am the wall-flower. Walk into a mass of us unprepared for my mother, Walther the Pollock, and cousins T2, T3 and now T4 and you may think we’re totally bonkers. We are ---- but more in a fun and friendly sort of way.
I think it sometimes depends who’s meeting who. Some people are more able to “roll with it” and handle someone who’s odd or difficult, while others won’t know what to do and might need warnings beforehand, as well as some moral support during the occasion. And if two people happen to have matching or complementary quirks, maybe putting them together could be a riot. Either figuratively (one hopes), or else the kind where tear gas is necessary.
Yeah, absolutely, and I appreciate getting warnings in advance. To me it doesn’t matter whether someone is good at rolling with it or not, knowing ahead of time that Uncle Frank is an abrasive drunk still makes it easier to deal with the situation.
One time in particular I recall, two of the guests were a gay man and his partner and I thought I should let one other guest know to prevent her from embarrassing herself. She was from a rather sheltered family.
At most with my family, I feel the need to warn those who don’t know them that several of them can be LOUD!!! Heck, I need to remind myself of that.
My kids do this routinely, as bringing a stranger into our midst can be overwhelming. One of my sons’ wives used to just sit in a corner with an apprehensive look on her face during any get-together. She never did adjust our idea of fun.
Absolutely. The most important one is probably my Mother’s sense of “humour.” She thinks it’s really funny to come out with a grievous insult and then snort and say “just kidding.” She thinks she is hilarious, and will be as insulting as possible. I’m pretty sure she confuses nervous laughter with a successful joke, so is constantly perceiving this as confirmation that her routine is excellent.
Then there’s my Dad. He is horrifically prejudiced against overweight people. As a result, he starves himself, and lives in a constant state of “hangry-ness.” Seriously, when his blood sugar gets low he is positively vicious, and he refuses to take responsibility for it. I try to aim people his way during or after dinner, and warn them against mid-morning visits.
With my Mother and one other friend, I never tell them or warn them about anything. If I did, they both can be trusted to bring up the subject compulsively and try to make jokes about it.
I much prefer to be warned in advance about such things. I’m quite shy, and have a tendency to take it personally when a conversation or situation goes pear-shaped. But if I know there’s a mitigating circumstance, I can be gracious through just about anything.
I haven’t introduced anybody to my family in ages, but if I did I might warn people beforehand that SiL the Doc is a hypocondriac (not an uncommon combination, sadly). Mom is usually on her best behavior in front of strangers, so not an issue until she starts to relax. If I ever introduce anybody to my worst relatives it will be because we’ve run into them by chance, so no time for warnings.
I have had instances of talking with someone who knew several of us, on the subject of putting our diverse relatives in the appropriate spot of the family trees, and either party asking for confirmation along the lines of “now, I apologize in advance, but… does that person [have such a minefield] or is it me?” “it’s them. Totally them.” “Oh good, I mean, not good but it’s good to know I’m not imagining things.”
Most people here see themselves as the normal one in a family of weirdo’s
There are so many weirdo’s who apparently grew to middle age without needing to change their ways.
Would Dopers be different in that regard?
Me, I tell everyone about everyone’s user manual, insofar as I know it.
“My dad is friendly, but he will try to know what usefull skills you have and then try get you to do volunteerwork for his cause. Here’s how to genly deflect that”.
“Friend X, your new landlord, is an very well read, and decent guy starved for intelligent conversation, so you two should get along well. But you wouldn’t know it from his usual facial expression. He has severe resting bitch face; his facial expression gives the impression of a man who has given up on all the idiots around him, and it’s grating to people meeting him, without him knowing it”.
“You’re about to meet friend Y. She’s just awesome.” And afterwards: “See ?! I told you she was awesome!”
