Help! The holidays are approaching!

In a few weeks Thanksgiving will be here followed closely by Christmas, which means gathering with family around the dinner table. Fun, happy times. Except for the fact that my family (which is wonderful and I love them all) cannot manage to avoid controversial topics of conversation. My parents and my grandparents are really conservative. So are a few of my aunts, uncles and cousins. A few aunts and uncles, a few cousins, my brother and myself are all really liberal. I came to terms with the fact that none of us are ever going to convert the other side of the family long ago and to be honest I like that we are all so different. It would be really boring and kind of weird if we all believed the exact same things.

All I want is to get all the way through Thanksgiving dinner without someone saying someting like, “Did you hear that such-and-such state sanctioned gay marriage? I can’t believe someone could vote for something so sinful.” Followed by an outburst of, “You really think that? I can’t believe my grandpa is so predjudiced! How would you feel if someone told you that you can’t be married to grandma?”

So dopers, how do you manage to spend time with the family you love without wanting to stab them with your salad fork? How would you recommend turning the conversation away from such topics without making the person who brought it up feel like an ass?

God only knows - I eagerly await an answer to this one myself.

“Let’s avoid political topics. Tell me about that new project you’ve been working on / vacation you took / wonderful thing your child did.”

I just drink.

My family isn’t bad though. They say a few things that grate on my super-liberal self, but eh. They won’t change.

Hehe…that is a good idea.

I just want to be able to turn the conversation another way without drawing obscene amounts of attention to the fact that I don’t like what you are talking about. Hearing something like, “Democrats are stupid and wrong and wasting my money!” and responding with “So, anyone taking tennis lessons next year?” makes it really obvious I think you have no decorum and don’t want to discuss what you seem to feel is an appropriate topic of conversation. So far my only thoughts are to get up and refill my water glass every time it happens or to excuse myself to go to the bathroom or something.

“Did you hear the Democrats won control of Congress?”

That should at least get them talking about other topics!

Two words: Prozac and Knitting.

YMMV.

There is an old adage of Never interrupt your enemy while they are making a mistake.
I have the same problem with my SIL and her husband. Instead of getting worked up over their dumbassed statements about Christianity and Homosexuality is the Big Problem. Here I thought it was the war, economy and gas prices. the leader of their cult…err church…was just outted for a homo affair. YAY! I say nothing. Prozac, I swear on all I hold dear, has put up some kind of force feild around me to protect me from their asshattery.
When little bon mots of retardedness are dropped into my lap, I don’t say anything at all. Nothing says YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT! more than the sound of screaming silence. At least in my mind.

I also have a secret code when I speak. When I reply to something stupid they have just muttered, " How nice." it means, “You are an asshole.” When I say,
" That’s interesting." It means, “You are a fucktard.” and when I go " Huh." it means, " Die in a Fire."
You cannot persuade these people to open-minded thinking because they are UberChristians ( and Yuppies). Logic and reason does not apply to them.

It took me nearly 17 years of knowing them ( and they weren’t always a Unified Front Of Ignorance, they use to be fun and self absorbed assholes, like us.) [size=Now they are completely self absorbed hypocrites, like us, but we don’t shit on my husbands parents, like they do.[/size]

Also, what I’ve learned in situations that are gravitating towards a hot button topic or are a thousand yards deep into the mindfeild of Conversational No-No’s is that when there is a lull ( a pause for breath. You can see the period at the end of the sentance kinda opening.) Casually mention some light and fluffy topic that is in no relation to what is being discussed.

Them: We don’t call it Halloween because of the darker history of this event, we call it (some dumb ass name.) .

You: (in a calm voice as if you were announcing the weather.) Speaking of Halloween, has anyone heard anything about the movie The Prestige ? (Have a mental list of subjects that could be nice neutral topics. Brittany Spears’ marriage, as an example is always good.)

If people are not redirected at all, you will need to hunker down in your mental fox hole to wait it all out. I like to use these occaisions as a Anthropological Lesson and take notes of how this particular tribe interacts.
And know that one day soon you can have dinner with your own family, which is as farked up as theirs but it doesn’t bother you as much.
Isn’t it fun sharing holidays and special events with people that drive you batshit insane?

There is one thing I have always wanted to do with friends who were forced/guilted into Family Obligations with the insane people that we call Relatives, when we all would rather hang out with our Own Kind ( Insane Friends of Insane Relatives.)

Conversational Bingo

This is just a graph to give an idea, but fill in the squares with topics you are sure to come up during the course of the event. Make the entire meal a game!

I dunno, in my family, my mom or I usually just goes “hey can we not talk about politics today? It gets everyone riled up. Let’s talk about more pleasant subject… so… [insert neutral topic here]”

Usually there’s some moaning but general agreement that it is a good idea to avoid politics on Thanksgiving.

You know, if they were cats, you could just squirt them with a water bottle.

Hey, that might be fun. Usually we just bet on which word will come out of Uncle David first, “nigger” or “faggot”.

That’s how I deal with my brother in law.

At Mother’s Day, my ILs (husband’s parents and brother and sister in law)wished me a happy day by making fun of the fact that I have Sirius radio so I can listen to Howard Stern, whom I love like third after my husband and son. I had a special code too. I told them their attitudes were what was making this country another Taliban and that I was about ready to go sit in the car till my husband and kid were done eating so we could go the fuck home. When I say that I mean “their attitudes were what was making this country another Taliban and that I was about ready to go sit in the car till my husband and kid were done eating so we could go the fuck home”.

We don’t call it Turkey Day around here because of the bird.

Really - my problem is the opposite. I’m happy for my MIL and BIL but if I have to be told how great it is to be a gay atheist one more time I am going to shove the specially prepared tofurkey down their throats.
(The MIL doesn’t give me that much anymore since I told her I really like banging her son [obviously, the straight one] and that was responsible for her grandkids.)

There are 2 people, one BIL and 1 friend, that I won’t ever agree on guns with. We all know it. It’s been that way for a long time. Any time the conversation goes that way I grin and say “you know, we decided years ago that we can’t agree on this. How about we skip to another topic.” They usually agree and nod, and we go talk about something else.

It’s always worked in one-on-one situations, but I’ve never tried it in a group.

What a quandry! Do the respective family members know that their rancor makes you uncomfortable? I think some families enjoy a good squabble as part of their ritual, but if their behavior drains the fun from the festivities, they need to back off.

Have you tried approaching them privately, long before The Big Day? Have you explained to them that watching them bicker is disheartening? Something along the lines of “Now, I know that you and LouAnn have different views on homosexuals, you argue about it every year. It makes me sad to see my family fighting. Could we let it go this time? Nobody has to change, we just need to coexist peacefully.”

They might not be able to stop completely, but perhaps you could get them to tone it down somewhat. Are you in the habit of being assertive with them? Our family has a Designated Doyenne of Diplomacy - perhaps your family has one as well, and s/he could tackle the topic on your behalf?

It’s the two A’s for me at my IL’s…alcohol and ativan. I know you’re not supposed to combine the two, but you don’t know my BIL’s wife.

It’s nice to have so many people with advice, even if much of it involves drugs of some kind. :stuck_out_tongue: I’m thinking that having several non-controversial topics of conversation for when there is a lull is a good idea. If that fails conversational bingo might be a good way to at least turn it into something entertaining.

What? No *Jews Are To Blame? *

What kind of slacking bigoted relatives are you associating with, Dung. Gotta have the hat trick of racial hatred. It’s a rule, or something.

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