I can hardly be the only person that has very different political ideology from members of their family. Which makes it fun getting together at the holidays.
My dad specifically is an asshole. He’s a close-minded jerk who believes everything that comes out of Rush’s mouth, and of course, he’s also the kind of asshole who has to announce “fucking democrats” out of thin air, into a conversation that had nothing to do with it.
I used to be a republican, because I ignored the social issues and focused on the fiscal, and wasn’t particularly informed. Yeah, well, that party is over. I am a recent (within the last 1-2 yrs) convert to the dems mostly (though they aren’t quite right, they have enough right that it has become the lesser of two evils for me).
So how do you deal with your asshole family members who are utterly impervious to logic or facts? Obviously, the solution is to not bring up politics, but that’s not the case, I don’t bring it up, but I am not inclined to listen to that asshole spout his completely uninformed garbage.
I guess it depends on the person involved. My dad and I generally agree on political issues (we’re both lefties) but we occasionally disagree on specific issues.
Also, my dad is a lawyer and I have a masters degree in public policy*.
Our usual way of dealing with it is arguing. It’s fun!
My mother and I are the only Dems in the family. We usually have family gatherings that merge my sisters family and inlaws with me, Mom and my brother.
My Brother in laws family (and my sister and thier kids) are hard core Rush lovin’, Palin worshipping, Coulter cravin, Boehner believin’ Teabagger Republicans.
Everything Obama does is THE WORST THING EVER!! He’s an atheist, Muslim, follower of that Black Supremicist Rev. Wright and not even an American citizen. It’s true because Fox News said so!!!
My mom is pretty mild mannered but when they start with the politics as they always do, I speak up. This has caused more than one gathering to end in harsh words and hard feelings.
I never bring up politics in these situations but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let thier BS go unchallenged.
You and I are in exactly the same boat, except its just me. Mom is not willing to express an opinion.
I don’t want the gatherings to end in harsh words and hard feelings, but I am also not going to just sit there and let that crap be said without trying to assert some logic in it.
Had a political argument with my brother, which started out fine and amusing for all, but his final “joke” was to call me a feminist c-word. (It think it might be a banned word here, but even if its not, I HATE that word). Needless to say, there were other harsh words and still hard feelings.
Just hoping for a way to avoid the unpleasantness, but I guess in order to avoid it I have to be willing to shut up. Which I’m not.
How is your attitude any different from your father’s, other than coming from the other side of the aisle? Those two paragraphs describe comparable mindsets and similar condescension to those that disagree.
Rational minds can differ. A person that disagrees with your political beliefs is not an asshole, stupid, or socially undesirable for the mere fact of holding a different position. Your position is not bulletproof, no matter how smugly you chose to present it. Neither is his.
You vote lefty. He votes [del]correctly[/del] righty. So what? The man is your father. Appreciate him for who he is, and hope some of his wisdom rubs off on you, regardless of politics.
I used to be Republican - did you not see that? This is a recent conversion. Also, I’m not the one who spiced up a 4th of July gathering by loudly proclaiming “fucking democrats and that fucking muslim in the white house.” I’m not the one who said that a black man shouldn’t be in the white house.
There are reasons why I call him an asshole, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
I can only hope that his “wisdom” stays as far from me as possible.
ETA: so if you don’t actually have constructive advice for dealing with a conflict in the family over politics, MYOB.
There’s really nothing you can do except say you don’t ant to talk about poltics and change the subject. If they’re unwilling to change the subject or shut the fuck up, then you basically have to say you’re going to leave, and then be willing to do it. You’re basically dealing with domineering bullies, so you have to treat them accordingly.
If they’re willing to have a civil discussion and debate, that’s another thing, but for those who only want to rant and browbeat, then you have to remove yourself from the situation. Let them know you’re willing to come back when they’re willing to treat you with courtesy.
:rolleyes: Recent converts are often the most zealous.
See, that’s just not the way this whole message board thing works. You post a thread asking for advice, you just might get advice you don’t like. Your approval or disdain does not affect the quality of the advice. I happen to think what I offered was sound. It was also offered in good faith.
However, until you become a moderator, you will not decide what I may or may not post in this or any other thread. If that concept upsets you, I trust you know where to find the BBQ Pit.
I hear what you’re saying DtC but it feels like quitting to me, and will be perceived that way by him.
After the 4th of July incident, one of my other brothers sent an email to my office with one of the crazier right wing theories on it (can’t remember which one, or which website, but it was not a mainstream conservative publication, it was a wacky one). With the heading “how can you trust these people?” My all-caps response to him was that this was his only warning and that he needed to apologize and never send crap like that to my office email again. And yet, again, I was over-reacting.
And people wonder why I have such huge regrets for not moving out of state when I had the chance. (which is not an option at this point, for numerous reasons.)
That’s right, I’m zealous for not wanting to have someone yelling out fucking democrats and their fucking muslim. I’m zealous for not wanting to have dinner ruined by someone saying that black men should not be in the white house. I’m zealous for not wanting to hear him saying that all those fucking whores should be forced to keep their illegitimate nigger babies.
For Christ’s sake, the specific left/right is neither here nor there. The OP’s complaint is not that his father’s a rightie, but that he’s a belligerant asshole about it. The question is about how to respond to overbearing discourtesy, not how to respond to a conservative.
If it was 2005, and it was lefty screeching about Bush to a bunch of party guests it would be just as rude. At least that’s what my wife said.
Just ignore Oakminster. He’s the board’s go-to person for insisting there there must be some sort of cosmic balance between Democrats and Republicans. Your Republican dad did something jerkish? Well, there must be some equal-and-opposite reaction by some Democrat.
This is made more bizarre by the fact that Oakminster, however much he wishes otherwise so that he could indulge his urge to be contrary, is not actually a Republican. He has never espoused a single Republican plank on these boards except that Republicans are perennially mistreated by Democrats. Particularly in the case of Republican posters and Democratic modes.
I totally agree. My dad can be a bit of a douche about politics, and if “Let’s not talk about politics now, it’s Thanksgiving/Passover/Jane’s Birthday/[other occasion inappropriate for strife]” doesn’t work, you just have to step away from it lest you get sucked into the vortex. Does that mean they “win”? Maybe. But they also “win” when they make you feel upset at what should be a happy family event.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t clear in my earlier post. These gatherings typically happen at my sister’s house. My mother agrees with me but bites her tongue rather than ruin my sister’s holiday gathering. My sister, her husband and her mother-in-law are the main culprits in instigating trouble. They know how I feel and can’t resist the urge to share the latest Repub-Teaparty tidbit they heard.
IMHO, they (my sister and her husband) bear the responsibility.
They keep inviting me, so I guess it’s not THAT bad.
Yeah, HA and DtC are right about it. Its that stupid need to win, and a little bit hoping to help him/them see “the light”. Which is stupid and unrealistic.
It just sits funny in my stomach to let him get away with saying some of those things. There are 3 young girls (brother’s step kids) and I just feel like I should do something.
So what? I mean, really, you already know he’s a jerk, so why care what he thinks about you in his head? So he thinks you’ve quit, big deal.
Now, the filthy language I would not tolerate. I’d pretty much have to tell him that he can quit talking like that, or I’d leave. And then I’d do it.
My personal reaction to virtually any situation like this is disengagement, probably because I’m a librarian and part of my job is to give people the information they want, regardless of what I think about it. You wanna read Chariots of the Gods? Here it is, with a smile. Not my problem otherwise. I’ll listen to you rant about the Mafia or whatever, and I’ll nod sympathetically, and then I’ll forget all about it. I’ve probably disengaged too much, but it’s hard to care.
My family is considerably easier to get along with, though, except for my FIL who has indeed been known to send emails about Obama’s birthplace. You know what–he’s not going to change, and he’s getting older, and he has brain damage (quite a lot actually), and there is nothing I can do about all that. So I don’t care what he says, or what he thinks. He cannot offend me because I don’t listen to him. My SIL, OTOH, is angered by nearly everything he does, which I sympathize with–but I think she’s wasting a lot of energy.
My grandfather quotes Glenn Beck in his arguments. I campaigned for Obama. Both of us really like to argue, but for some reason he doesn’t take his immense temper out on me. My mother (who is somewhere in between us on the political spectrum) bears the brunt of his wrath, and I feel really bad about it. She doesn’t even want to be in the discussion most times, but if she’s around, he will turn suddenly toward her and say something absolutely hateful, at the slightest provocation. I don’t know why he doesn’t do the same to me, but it probably has something to do with her not being able to really defend herself. It gets really ugly sometimes, so I won’t talk to my grandfather about anything political if any innocent bystanders are in the room.
mixed in with the :mad: