Generally, it’s people older than I am, especially relatives.
For some reason, it feels almost presumptuous to call people by name, even name-with-title like “Aunt Ann.”
I definitely try to avoid calling my in-laws by name. It feels awkward, again.
Am I alone in this?
I do this a lot. The only time I use a person’s name is when there are many people around and they would be confused as to who I was talking to if I just started talking. If its just me and the person I’m talking to in the room, I just start talking. Specifically though, if I have to talk to someone I don’t like, I try to refrain from saying their name, like I don’t want them to infer my use of their name as that I like them. I’m weird though.
Are you not very close to these relatives? For example, have you not spent much time with Aunt Ann or know her well? Just curious why it feels presumptuous to use your relatives’ names. But I completely understand you about the in-laws.
I think using people’s names is a form of intimacy. For example: with my close family and friends, nicknames and terms of endearment are used almost exclusively because proper names feel too distant or formal. With people that I like, but am not very close to, I use their proper names very often in conversation. And with people that I don’t like, but have to interact with, I never call them by name if I can help it. If I need to get their attention, I just say “Hey” or “Excuse me”.
Only people whose name I can’t remember.
In hightscool my Dad’s cousin was my teacher. In our family we don’t call cousins “Aunt” or “Uncle” or anything. I was suppoed to call him by his firstname. I didnt want to call him Mr Teacher at school, (and then go over at Christmas and so forth) but I didnt want to call him “Firstname” either. I managed to spend three years in his classes and never call him anything. Kind of weird, but I managed.
I personally don’t have a problem with using someone’s name; but, my sister does.
She calls her in-laws George and Martha. That is NO WHERE near their real names.
I call my in-laws by their first names.
I have an Aunt who is 13 years my senior, I called her ‘‘Aunt Annie’’ when I was little but now I just call her ‘‘Annie’’ – which is not really her first name, but a variant nickname only I call her. Our relationship has been more like a sister relationship though, so it’s always seemed appropriate to both of us to use informal names. Her new husband, who is only 3 years older than me, I call ‘‘Uncle Mike’’ but really only for the kitsch factor.
I have a 28 year old Aunt and a 29 year old uncle, when I was little I called them ‘‘Aunt and Uncle So-and-So’’ but now just by their first names, because, jeez, we’re all in our twenties.
I have always called my grandparents by their first names, along with titles: ‘‘Grandma ______’’ etc. The actual reason for this is because my grandfather remarried, I had two Grandmas of the same last name, so to make things easier we just did it on a first-name basis. Then there is the fact that my Grandpa’s second wife is the same age as my mother.
I am extremely uncomfortable calling older people by their first names if they are not related to me. I almost always use ‘‘Mr./Mrs.’’ for anyone over 40, unless they explicitly instruct me to do otherwise (and they often do.) But family is different. They’re family.
I don’t know what to call my in-laws, so I just don’t call them anything. One set seems to prefer “Mom” and “Dad”, and the other set seems to prefer their first names. Don’t really know, and I’m not asking at this point, so I don’t call anybody anything.
We always used “Aunt Linda” or “Uncle John,” etc., for our relatives and I continue to call them that. When I was 17 or so, I called called on the carpet for addressing one of my aunts with only her first name, and have never again dared doing so, even though 31 years have gone by.
OK, it’s Mr. TokyoPlayer to you missy.
And stay off the damn lawn.
My brother’s father-in-law is our former pediatrician. I mean the doctor who took care of my brother and I when we were 0-18 years old.
We spend a decent amount of time with his in-laws (because they rock!) I have no problem calling his MIL by her first name but I can’t bring myself to call him anything but Dr. Lastname. Luckilly, he’s a very nice older gentleman and I’m sure is very used to everyone calling him Dr. Lastname, especially patients.
I think my brother has gotten used to calling him by his first name, but I guarantee it’s weird for my parents, who are pretty much his “equals” but spent 20 years of their lives calling him Dr. Lastname. I’m pretty sure they try to avoid calling him anything at all.
Sometimes when people I’m not so familiar with use my name I flinch, I find it really intrusive in certain situations so if I’m in a similar situation in reverse I won’t use the other person’s name.
I have known my in-laws for 16 years. I know what their names are but I have never used them even speaking with other people. I don’t think there is a solution that would make me feel comfortable. My mother was my teacher in 5th and 6th grades. I never found a solution to that one either.
Actually, I think my parents had kids so my mom could start calling her mother in law “Grandma” My dad had always called his stepdad “Al” so it was easy enough, even in the sixties, for my mother to call Al by his first name. I have never heard my mother call Dad’s mother anything but "Grandma,: even though my brother and I are in our thirties and for several years didnt even live in the same city as my parents and grandparents.
And, without hijacking this thread… Shagnasty… just wow on the mom is your teacher thing. Even without the “what do I call her?” predicament-which would be huge for me- had problems with a cousin–your situation…yikes…
I’ve gone twenty-five years without calling my paternal granparents by name or title. It’s never really been a problem.
Oh, heck, yeah – most of my grad school professors. I have the doctorate now, so I guess I ought to be on a first-name basis with all of them, and there are some people in the department whom I’ve always called by their first names because everybody did, but the rest are always a puzzle.
I have an uncle named Pat. I haven’t called him pat in I bet…20 years. He has a rather large head, so my brother and I started calling him Big Head. Then the TV show “In Living Colour” came along and there was a skit on there called “The Head Detective”, so Big Head morphed into The Head Detective. Ever since, my brother and I call him Head detective. he doesn’t mind and even laughs about it sometime.
I also have a friend named Andy and I haven’t called him that in years. I gave him the nickname of Unk, because one time I told him that he is going to make a great uncle for my son. That morphed into Unk, so it stuck. lol So, no, you’re not alone.
Is it their real personalities?
My mother was Louisiana’s Teacher of The Year in 1990 (out of 40,000 teachers) and is now has a doctorate, has written two books available in major bookstores, and speaks on 4 continents.
As her child, I got basically no benefit for that and lots of disadvantages. Her specialty was deeply reaching the hardest to reach students (about half of our town lived in poverty and was about evenly split between black and white). She always viewed himself as a Don Quixote figure and her own kids never fell into the special attention group for her. I had to have a 2 hour conversation about this when she visited a few months ago and made her cry for a long time which was a needed thing to do.
As that related to this thread. I never called her anything in class. Her name at home was mamma and that wouldn’t work well in class. I just sat in the back of the room, raised my hand if I needed to say something and started talking.
Students having their parents as teachers isn’t uncommon in rural school districts where it can’t be avoided. I have known a bunch of people that had that happen. There is no way to address a parent/teacher at school.
Here’s my position. Children of any age should address parents as Mom and Dad or variations thereof. Same with grandparents. Aunts and uncles are different. When you reach adulthood, Uncle Pete becomes Pete, adult to adult. I have a 31-year old nephew who still calls me Uncle Nott, and it sounds odd to me.
Either that, or she means the neighbors of Dennis the Menace.