Oh yeah, forgot to share the Harp Seal game.
When one of my ahem grandly-framed cats is napping on her back, I cup her front paws in one hand and her hind paws in the other, then I press them against her belly. Voila! Instant seal!
Accompanied with: “Oh look at the cute baby seal! Don’t you just want to club her over the head?”
(It works best with light coloured cats.)
This stunt is usually followed by swats and bites with the cats I have now. My old and fat lynx-point siamese would just purr.
Good to know other people threaten their pets.
One of my cats won’t put up with anything. The others are subjected to … things that are very, very wrong.
Once upon a time some folks who don’t know me very well were over, and I made my usual comments about the soft, soft mittens and hat I will have when Puffy dies, if I can wait that long. Those folks who didn’t know me very well have never come over again…
I used to fold my cat’s ears back. The hairs would stick out and form kind of a ball of fur. I called her a koala.
Am I the only one that does “Airborne Death Kitty from Above”?
I hold Spot up over my head in one hand and swing her down in a swooping motion onto my face and act like she’s attacking me. She doesn’t care, just as long as I pay attention to her. She’s about as docile a cat as I’ve ever seen.
My wife refers to our cat as a “bunny” occasionally. I have to remind her that Cookie is not a rabbit. So, in a way, yes.
I favour completely hiding the ears, which makes her look just like a “gray” alien (the cat, not the wife).
I can do that with one of my cats. The kitchen floor has nice new slick vinyl flooring, and if I catch Nicky just right, I can grab him and spin him round and round. He tries to stalk off with that Cat-like “I’m so pissed off” attitude, but he’s usually so dizzy he staggers. 
Other times I’ll pick him up under both sets of legs (under the armpits) and stretch him out full-length and call him “The Longest Kitty-Cat In The World!”
He seems to like that one.
My other cat doen’t put up with any of this nonsense. She’s a cat, after all. 
I do two things - either fold her ears forward, which I call her “lamb face”; or fold them back, which I call her “alien face”.
Glad to know I’m not alone in this.
Who wouldn’t?
Twirl around and around with cat in arms while screaming “Kitty in a blender!”
Approach sleeping kitty and cup hands around its face so its nose pokes through, screaming “Blowhole! Blowhole!”
Hold kitty on its hind legs with thumbs under its armpits so its front legs stick straight out. With your chin, pull back the kitty’s scalp so it looks totally insane and scream “Zombie cats!”
[Variant of 3] Pull back cat’s scalp with palm while screaming “Manta ray!”
Drap a floppy item over cat’s hindquarters (I find a rubber bat is just right) and while the cat staggers around with its hindquarters lowered, scream “Kitty do the limbo!”
Place cat on head backward while screaming “Look at my butt-hole hat!”
My partner points out that there seems to be a lot of screaming in our household.
you guys are hilarious. Seriously.
But I’m calling the Humane Society on your asses.
My grandmother’s cat was always patient with us up to a point. And then she would scoff under granma’s bed until nothing short of a trail of Pounce treats could coax her out.
I fold the ears back, then speak for the kitty in my Yoda voice.
“Feed me you must…”
I had one that did, at least until one of my asshole friends turned the water on her.
I love you all, but it has to be said “you are all completely balmy”.
But tormenting cats is so much fun. How else are you going to get any entertainment out of fur balls that do nothing but eat and sleep all day? Plus they’re so funny when they feel that their dignity has been compromised.
I used to do this to Tickle. It’s great because she’s so dignified that it would instantly garner me the patented Kitty Glare of Death.
No, but I swoop one kitty down on top of another. It can also be fun to drop the Airborne Kitty right on top of Unsuspecting Kitty from a few feet above.
Believe me, Unsuspecting Kitty’s reactions are generally priceless.
I like to pick up my kitty Rex by firmly grasping both back legs, hold him up so that he’s dangling upside down, and announce to my sister/roommate, “Look what I found in the traps today, Maw! He’ll make a mighty fine stew and a fur cap for Paw!”
Then we do Cuddles and Kisses, because Rex is too good-natured to ever hold anything against me.
Uh oh! Turning the water on makes me an, erm, a jerk?
Rex and C.C. like to drink from my leaky tub faucet (shunning the fancy kitten water fountain they have in the kitchen). One night, I went in to take a shower, and they were in the tub, drinking.
“Okay, furballs, time to get out! Mommy needs a shower so she can go sleepytime! Don’t you want Mommy to go sleepytime so she can cuddle her baby-wabys?”
Of course, the baby-wabys just wanted a drinky-winky, so they stayed put.
I picked up Rex and put him on the floor by the tub.
I picked up C.C. and put her on the floor by the tub.
As I did that, Rex jumped back in.
“AUGH! Rex, come ON! It’s 2 a.m.! I need to SHOWER!”
<lap lap lap lap lap lap lap> goes the kitty’s tongue on the faucet.
“I mean it!”
Rex looks at me, and then <lap lap lap lap lap>
I put my hand on the cold water tap.
“Don’t make me do it!” I warn him.
Blank stare.
I slowly turn the faucet on. The familiar gurgling sound the tap makes is heard. This is the sound that is made when moving the tap even one more millimeter counter-clockwise will release the water.
Rex looks at the tap in wonderment, as if he doesn’t know what that sound means (he knows). Of course, he’s standing right underneath it.
“I’m really serious now!” I warn him, and I turn on the tap enough to make a thin stream come out.
Rex jumps back to the end of the tub to avoid getting wet.
I turn on both taps to adjust for optimal water warmth. Rex sits at the end of the tub and watches me.
I reach for the little “Pull Up To Turn On Shower” plunger.
Sternly, I tell him, “This is your last warning.”
The brat sprawls out in the bottom of the tub to get cozy.
So I pulled up on the shower plunger and immediately, it was Psycho Kitty in a Rainstorm. Only the poor guy couldn’t climb out, so he kept sliding around frantically, getting wetter and wetter. So I picked him up and wrapped him in a towel and cuddled him all better.
C.C. turned up her nose at him. She had no sympathy.
But now at least Rex knows when to vacate the bathtub.
P.S.–I know at least one kitty who sleeps in the sink because she WANTS her owner to turn the water on her! Weird thing loves to get wet.
I like to do the drunk kitty routine. All I need is an empty laundry basket and a cat. Pitch cat in and spin basket about 10 times, kitty hops out, falls down, gets back up and staggers off. Or the fair ride kitty. Place cat in laundry basket and spin around overhead a few times. None of our cats will stay in a room if there is an empty laundry basket around.
My cat Tio lives in a shoebox. He’ll stay there all day long, sleeping in his shoebox. No matter that he’s so big that he oozes over the sides of the shoebox and he’s bent it out of its original boxy shape. We don’t dare move the box. Except sometimes to spin it while he’s inside, of course.
If no box is present, he’ll climb into anything he thinks he fits in. And he usually DOESN’T fit, which is where the fun begins. He once climbed into a roasting pan before my mom could get the roast into it. The pic of that one is priceless!
My cat is also a goalie. We have little furry mice we toss at him, and he smacks them down out of the air like a goalie. He’s actually quite good at it… anyone have cats who could learn to pass a puck around? We could start a hockey team!
My cats drink running water out of the sink
try catching the kitty off-guard on the tiled floor…if your feline is anything like my Roxy, you’ll get the cartoon legs that spin round and round but the cat doesnt go anywhere
my cat is a fan of tearing around the house, fleeing from an invisible hunter…when she was younger, she’d be so reckless with this escape of her’s that she’s completely miss the cat-holes we’ve cut at the bottom of practically every door in the house…and run right into the door or the doorframe. :wally
additionally, i’d just like to say two words: laser pointer.
This one was made up by my kids and me to the tune of the Green Beret song.
Great big cats with great big hats
wash their cloths at laundromats
great big teeth to chew on beef
great big cats with great big hats
Great big cats with great big hats
hunt and chase those evil rats
pet their fur to make them purr
great big cats with great big hats
I don’t do this anymore but you can imagine the dance they do if you put a small piece of tape on the bottom of each paw.
I would also do the “centrifuge”. Grab your victim with both hands and extend your arms out 90’ from your shoulders. Spin. The victims head begins to wobble around. After several laps place victim on the floor, there is no need to fear what happens next. Poor cat tries to hold the floor in place but the floor is just moving too much.