I think “better looking” can actually be detrimental to the experience. If they’ve bought into the idea of their own good looks they can be casual to the point of insensitivity. And if you’re thinking they’re “better than you” you’re not going to be your true self. If there’s nothing else but “hot” it can become a masturbatory (no connection) trophy. Not such a prize.
I agree with you Becky, it may even be that they might be holding back because they don’t want to encourage a relationship. Just the opposite from someone who considers themselves to be less desirable.
This may be my most favorite post that I’ve ever read on SD to date. I agree wholeheartedly.
Weird is not the term I would use. Heartless, manipulative, misogynistic, but not really weird; I’ve seen that attitude all too often.
When, exactly, would you “see this attitude”?
Nothing heartless about it, if we both know we are having casual sex anything goes. If I am on a date and I am not feeling like I really want another one or I know there is no relationship potential I certainly won’t do anything to lead the other person on.
Ummm… Isn’t having sex sort of leading the person on?
Yes to a degree it is, but it is also one more step in the elimination process. If the last thing a girl needs is to feel rejected at a certain point in her life then letting her do the rejecting is sometimes the softer way out.
So you’re actually doing them a favour by being intentionally mediocre in bed?
I couldn’t agree more.
Never confuse strategy with tactics.
From my perspective, making a really attractive partner achieve orgasm is a sort of personal achievement.
If my partner is not attractive, I don’t care nearly as much.
Do you have sex mainly with people you don’t want to love or be loved by? Not criticizing; just thought this sentence was odd.
It’s the same way for me, for both music and sex, though I play keyboards and guitar a lot, not just “some”. Also, though I do study a bit too. I know I’d be quite a lot better if I took study more seriously. Regardless, that’s what I do, and I’m happy with my choices.
Gee, thanks! And well, if I wasn’t married I’d look you up!
Lots of people do. And it’s definitely true that passionate sex is ambiguous: it could mean “really turned on” or “really in love”. But I find it sad that someone would sandbag rather than being straightforward. To each his or her own, though.
Its not really sandbagging consiously, it just a little guilt starts to play in if you sense that the other partner is somehow connecting more than I am. I know plenty of women who just live for the moment and they tend to be the most fun if recreational sex is what I am after.