Basically the debate is; Is it possible to be good, 100% of the time? I theorize that a person, even the most goodest person you know, has a skeleton in their closet or will at sometime in the future. I just can’t believe you can live to 80 and not have done something that you are ashamed of.
Now, you can define “good” however you want to. You can also define a “skeleton” as you will. Something I might consider to be a personal oopsie, might for somebody else a source of deep shame.
Discussion comes from a cousin by marriage who from all outward appearances looks squeaky clean. 5 kids sixth on the way, kids homeschooled, Uber religious, teetotaller. Super successful professionally. I just happened to mention to my wife that everything can’t be that perfect, that there has to be some skeleton in his early life, or perhaps something in the future that’s percolating under the surface. My wife did not agree, she claimed that a person could be that good.
I think it’s possible. Certainly not common. I’m pretty proud of the way I’ve lived for the past 10 years or so, but before that…I’ve got things to be ashamed of.
There are a few billion people on Earth, so I’m sure you could find a dozen or so that have lived squeaky clean lives.
I would say everyone has done something that they deeply regret, as I have done things that I regret. I don’t drink alcohol at all now, but when I was younger I can recall calling up old boyfriends in the middle of the night while drinking, and saying things I never would have said if I hadn’t been drinking. In addition, I’ve read about very well-educated, successful people who seemed like top of the line people, who were caught trying to steal large sums of money from companies, so you never know about people. I think you are correct, not your wife. There are no perfect people.
Deeply religious is a pretty big skeleton from my point of view. Although not all the world’s ills are the result of religion gone deep, a great many of them are.
As for me, well sure I’ve done things I shouldn’t have, but I don’t see them having risen to skeletonhood.
People can feel shame for irrational reasons, though. A person who was abused as a kid might feel shame about it, but that’s a different type of “skeleton” than the one the abuser carries with them.
I mean, if your cousin revealed that he had been abused as a kid, would you go “See there! I told you he’s not perfect!” Being an abuse victim would actually make him seem more impressive, wouldn’t it?
interesting…I know a couple things about a good friend of mine that he keeps secret and he would consider skeleton like if revealed. But I do not consider them skeletons at all. Perception I guess.
I agree it’s possible but not common. There are people with integrity out there.
The bigger problem with “skeletons in the closet” is society rather than individuals, IMHO. For example, we’re only JUST getting to a point where being openly gay won’t completely ruin a political career. I see no character flaw in getting treatment for depression or other mental illness, but by and large society does. These are only skeletons inasmuch as society unfairly and unjustifiably judges them negatively; but they get shoved in a closet because in a lot of cases, you have to get along in this society that you’re stuck in, so what else can you do?
I have things I keep private, not because I’m ashamed of them, but because I know that there are people out there who will insist that I should be; or at the very least, any open discussion of them would indelibly taint their perception of me in a negative way. I don’t believe such negativity is deserved at all, but I also got better things to do than erect potential barriers for myself. It’s not stuff that matters in day-to-day life, so I don’t have much cause or need to talk about it anyway. So while I don’t consider these things to be skeletons, I’m sure someone somewhere would.
I certainly could not run for president. There are things in my past and present that would be viewed poorly by the public at large. That said, I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t simply reveal to someone. And I am very open with people I know. Do I have a skeleton in the closet? I don’t think of anything as a skeleton (even if others certainly would). And I don’t keep anything like that in a closet.
