Never been present at a birth, but having seen a few documentaries, it appears that a lot of bodily fluids are ejected during the whole process.
Every now and then the evening news brings a story of someone who didn’t make it to the hospital in time and ended up giving birth in their car by the side of the road. What’s the prognosis for the car after such an event? Is it deemed an unsalvageable biohazard, or can the carpet and seat somehow be cleaned enough to keep using it?
A buddy of mine reported his old Oldsmobile stolen. The next day, police located the car a few blocks away and he was notified. He took his spare keys and walked over, but when he arrived he saw that the car thief had taken a shit on the front bench seat. The cops were standing there grinning.
It turned into a weird situation. The police didn’t want to touch it, and neither did he. Eventually a biohazard unit was dispatched (like an ambulance) and the shit was removed, as was the front seat. Insurance covered a replacement bench seat.
I’m guessing a bloodied car could easily have seats replaced, interior detailed. Then hang a pine air freshener.
(I’ve been present for two births. Not as messy as one might imagine.)
Carpets and seats aren’t that expensive to replace, it’d have to be a very cheap car to total it out for that, and a very cheap car is likely to have very cheap replacement seat/carpet options.
One of my uncles was born in a taxi. My grandfather complained about having to give the driver a bigger tip than he wanted to, but not enough to cover an insurance deductible. Did they have insurance deductibles in 1936??
My friend’s son was born in the backseat of his car. He simply hosed it out at the car wash. Of course, this was 30 years ago.
Car seats and carpet can be cleaned or replaced.
Giving birth can be messy, but usually not in a splattery projectile kind of way. Only one of my kids made a literal splash at birth. He just shot right out 17 minutes after we walked through the door of the hospital. I was worried he’d be born in the car right there in the traffic circle less than a block from the hospital. Even so, I don’t think it would have totaled the car.
In some cases the conception can total a car.
Only if the Earth moves for her.
The company van at my old workplace got stuck in a flash flood in a downtown Tijuana crossing. It was towed back, filled with mud up to the windows. That’s gotta be a lot worse than a childbirth, for being messy.
The van took some fixing up, but it didn’t have to be totaled.
When I was a supervisor for community living, one of our clients “had an accident,” which is to say she took a sh!t and peed in a staff person’s car.
I got an OK from the finance office to approve a detailing, and told the staff person to get the works. I found someone to finish out her shift, so she could go straight there.
She really did. She had the entire front and back cleaned, as well as the outside, and had it waxed. I didn’t blink; I just signed off on it. The woman had feces in her car. I didn’t want her to quit. It cost about $130 in the 1990s. Minus the wax and the front seat, it probably would have been about $75 just for the de-sh!tting. She was pretty upset about the mess in the car, and happy with the results.
Now, I could tell you that the client didn’t have any blood/fecal-borne diseases. Our clients were tested and vaccinated, unless they objected, but this client didn’t have the communication skills to object, and we had guardianship of her.
If I were a cabbie post-1985, I’d have to worry about fluid-borne pathogens. But if it’s your own car, and you know your status, that’s a completely different thing.
Many cars where the general public will be riding (particularly taxis and police cars) are furnished with waterproof interiors so that they can be hosed out. Drunk and/or injured people are common in taxis and police cars, and can easily get vomit and blood everywhere. I’d certainly throw a cabbie a chunk of change if I knew he was going to have to stop his shift and go hose the car down because of me, but I wouldn’t worry that he’s going to lose the car.
My wife’s water broke in our station wagon. A little Pine Sol and elbow grease took care of it. Not like insurance could have helped, or we could have afforded a new one.
Hospitals reuse the beds on which women go through labor and deliver.
I’d assume less mess than if someone pukes. That said, in our pre-birth classes, decades ago, they advised stocking a couple of towels and some large trash bags under a handy seat in the last month of the pregnancy - - to be sure.
Well, yes, but they’re fairly waterproof, designed to be disinfectable, as well as (hopefully, if it’s well timed) got lots of towels and/or disposable chux around the, uh, active area.
Car births tend to be precipitous, meaning fast and easy, without any voluntary pushing. The body is just doing what a body does. There’s very little shitting yourself with an average car birth. Unlike on a hospital bed, where you’re straining and pushing and not entirely sure which muscles work which orifice. There, pooping is pretty common (but not universal).
I listened to a podcast recently where someone described their having given birth in a car. It was, apparently, cleaned up just fine (by their midwife, or whatever fancy hippie California name she went by).
Is the mother driving? Then almost certainly.
If the birth sets off the air bags and bends the frame, your insurance adjuster may call it a total loss. I was envisioning something like the scene from Men In Black where J assists with the birth of a space squid-baby and is used to add some dents to the car.
Years ago, Mythbusters determined that there’s apparently nothing so horrible and stinky that can be done to a car that nobody will buy it.