Also, who says Catholics don’t hump like bunnies on Spanish Fly, anyway? Remember the “Every Sperm is Sacred” skit, anyone? Anyway, my maternal grandfather, youngest of twelve siblings, could tell you Catholic and abstinent are need hardly be synonyms. No, Elves begat when they felt like it.
As others have said, having children is not an integral part of sex and to have consequence-free sex, all the time without worry, would only add to the pleasure.
Well, considering that the foreplay lasts about 500 years…
So what do the orc farts smell like?
But maybe they became tired of all that beauty and perfection since it was commonplace to them. Hmm. Did any elf guys ever hook up with human girls? Or was it only done the other way around? Elf girls, human guys? What does that say about them, other than the fact that that’s what Tolkien wrote?
I know some Elf men had feelings for mortal women, but in the case of Aegnor, at least, they go off to battle and get killed just to avoid the pain of the inevitable Bad Things that befall all Elven-Mortal couplings.
No, I think if any elf is to have sole knowledge of how to bake lembas, it is more likely Ernie Keebler than Galadriel.
Just after I posted, I clicked the link. Oh, well, still got my question answered, either way.
Oh please, Elves do not fart …
They launch fragrances.
I’m thinking something like my six-month old’s diapers left in a hummingbird feeder in the sun in New Orleans. Stand back, this thing is loaded!
As for the elves, lembas and all…
Remember how old these people are. Whatever the question is they’ve long ago arrived at not only AN answer but the PERFECT answer. The exist always in that sublime state of perfect taste and satisfaction. They never feel numb…except that when they do they head into the west.
I always thought lembas must taste like really good shortbread, but a little less rich.
And often when they *don’t * want, I’d bet.
Reminds me of a joke…
Uh … Elf husbands are male, right? Is it possible that there would be any time when a male would not want a blowjob?
Elves do not fart. That’s why they are light enough to walk on top of newly fallen snow without sinking – the gas gives them buoyancy.
Apparently! Guin even re-treaded my joke. 
Aww, we’re not ignoring you Turtle-man. We are just silently in awe.
I actually find it more amusing that someone named Malodorous posted here.
Aside from all of the awful jokes, Elves don’t have sex or children that often because they don’t need to. They have no biological drive to have children as humans do; they don’t actually need to reproduce.
Hell, woman! A hobbit couldn’t eat THAT much ice cream!
I’m silently in awe. ‘Southron Beach Diet’! snerk
The bit about Elves greatly enjoying the act of procreation, but thereafter being willing just to remember it, is reminiscent of the Martians’ sex lives in Out Of The Silent Planet, in which Ransom has a good deal of difficulty explaining to his native guide why it is that humans, having enjoyed it the first time, might actually want to get it on again.
What do Orc farts smell like? On average, slightly better than the orc, I would guess.
Let’s just put it this way. I would shag an elf almost anytime. I’m not attracted to females and I’d shag a female elf anytime. Unless they were old and decrepit it’s never something I would turn down.
I *like * this. I’m calling him Turtle-Man from now on.