Does masterbation cause blindness?

[garygnu]

@isthatdoodoo

Well it all started last Sunday… Being Sunday I stoping by the church. And when i say stoping by the church i literally mean “by the church,” i stop at the Quik Mart near it to pick up my usual bottle of privleged hennesy and rufilin. Its a little out of the way but i promised my deceased mother i would stop by the church every week. While driving home i had a headache so i took so advil and washed it down with swig of heem, i thought nothing of it since i was just 45 minutes from my humble home of residence. but before i knew it i saw the all too familiar glare of what i beleive to be police sirens. not to be caught drinking and driving, killed the bottle and through it at my tailers. i had quite the lucky through as it caused a 4 car pile up. i quickly parked in my garage and got on facebook for an iron alibi. i thought nothing of the headache so i took it upon myself to call up an escort. upon his arival, and i was quite upset it was a him, became furious and caused a sceen. i regret i was not as polite as a gentleman should have been had was not sober and had reson to cause such a fuss as im sure you agree. in my rage i struck him once or twice and a long story short he left with mess of living room for me to clean up. it was rather late so after a clean up i hit the rack and when i woke up i realized that i had no advil and was a rufi i took the night before and was man who was one q-tip short. of course before being corrected earlier i was sure placing a q-tip in one’s ear was masterbation and would not for the life of me account for that q-tip. so that was how i may have masterbated. a funny note, i still don’t know what happend to my q-tip lol.

I like you.

[Maastricht]

At the risk of being taken in:

isthatdoodoo, no, masturbation (jerking off, masturbation, whatever it is called) does not cause blindness. Or madness. Or anything bad. It only causes a feeling of relief, and allows you to take your mind a bit off sex for a while. You can do it safely up to 3 times a day. Any more, and your penis may get a little bit sore. If that happens, don’t masturbate for a couple days and all will be well again. Masturbation goes better if you use a lubricant like non-scented massage-oil or (hand)cream or KY-jelly.

About 95 percent of all guys masturbates at least a couple times a month, and that includes all the men in your church. Married men masturbate. Teenagers masturbate. Even animals masturbate. About 60 % of women have ever masturbated till orgasm.

Now, stop worrying about masturbating. And don’t ever drink and drive again, because that will lead to accidents which can hurt you, or someone else, badly.

[Shagnasty]

@isthatdoodoo

Well it all started last Sunday… Being Sunday I stoping by the church. And when i say stoping by the church i literally mean “by the church,” i stop at the Quik Mart near it to pick up my usual bottle of privleged hennesy and rufilin. Its a little out of the way but i promised my deceased mother i would stop by the church every week. While driving home i had a headache so i took so advil and washed it down with swig of heem, i thought nothing of it since i was just 45 minutes from my humble home of residence. but before i knew it i saw the all too familiar glare of what i beleive to be police sirens. not to be caught drinking and driving, killed the bottle and through it at my tailers. i had quite the lucky through as it caused a 4 car pile up. i quickly parked in my garage and got on facebook for an iron alibi. i thought nothing of the headache so i took it upon myself to call up an escort. upon his arival, and i was quite upset it was a him, became furious and caused a sceen. i regret i was not as polite as a gentleman should have been had was not sober and had reson to cause such a fuss as im sure you agree. in my rage i struck him once or twice and a long story short he left with mess of living room for me to clean up. it was rather late so after a clean up i hit the rack and when i woke up i realized that i had no advil and was a rufi i took the night before and was man who was one q-tip short. of course before being corrected earlier i was sure placing a q-tip in one’s ear was masterbation and would not for the life of me account for that q-tip. so that was how i may have masterbated. a funny note, i still don’t know what happend to my q-tip lol.

You are my hero and should serve as a role-model to others.

[nikonikosuru]

I don’t know if it’s the weather or what but summer definitely seems to bring out the most interesting of threads.

[Malacandra]

i accidentally a whole packet of q tips

[Harmonious_Discord]

It can cause you to have a stroke and go blind. It can cause hypoglycemia from exercising and that can make you go blind over time.

[KlondikeGeoff]

@Harmonious_Discord

It can cause you to have a stroke and go blind. It can cause hypoglycemia from exercising and that can make you go blind over time.

It also will make you grow hair on the palms of your hands.

[Fear_Itself]

@isthatdoodoo

it was rather late so after a clean up i hit the rack and when i woke up i realized that i had no advil and was a rufi i took the night before and was man who was one q-tip short. of course before being corrected earlier i was sure placing a q-tip in one’s ear was masterbation and would not for the life of me account for that q-tip.

Are you sure that was a q-tip you put in your ear?

[Chessic_Sense]

Sometimes, when I’m feeling lonely, I look up some hookers on Craigslist. I find one I like- nice picture, hot post- and note her phone number and price. Then I start masturbating, and right at the end, I moan “Penny saved, penny earned, bitch!”

I’ve earned, like, $1500 this week. And it’s only Sunday.

[Heffalump_and_Roo]

@Fear_Itself

Are you sure that was a q-tip you put in your ear?

As opposed to:

Are you sure that was your ear that you put the q-tip in?

@Chessic_Sense

Sometimes, when I’m feeling lonely, I look up some hookers on Craigslist. I find one I like- nice picture, hot post- and note her phone number and price. Then I start masturbating, and right at the end, I moan “Penny saved, penny earned, bitch!”

I’ve earned, like, $1500 this week. And it’s only Sunday.

Wow, great money-making plan! That advice must be worth a fortune.

[Diogenes_the_Cynic]

You won’t really go blind, but if you find yourself acquiring a taste for sushi and bizarre game shows, you should go to a doctor immediately.

[eleanorigby]

@Malacandra

i accidentally a whole packet of q tips

Oops–you’ll need more than just a swig of heem for that.

[wierdaaron]

I realize this thread is a joke, but the false belief of yore that masturbation causes, well, anything is an utter failure of logic.

The reason masturbation works in the first place is that the body can’t tell whether it’s having real or simulated intercourse. That being the case, how could masturbation have one biological effect that god-fearing missionary position man-and-wife intercourse wouldn’t have? If the goodie-bits could somehow detect ones own hand and activate some kind of blindness/hairy palms/acne defense mechanism, why wouldn’t it just deactivate the orgasm reflex?

Surely you’d have to expect that if masturbation could actually cause blindness, via some kind of penile-ocular connection, there would have to be a significant risk of accidental blindness during pastor-approved sex.

[eleanorigby]

Whilst I cannot speak to the conclusions my learned colleague has posited here, I do feel the need to interject that there is indeed a penile-ocular connection. The end result may not be blindness, but it does exist…

[carnivorousplant]

Barkeep? I’ll have what the OP is drinking.

[Jragon]

@wierdaaron

I realize this thread is a joke, but the false belief of yore that masturbation causes, well, anything is an utter failure of logic.

The reason masturbation works in the first place is that the body can’t tell whether it’s having real or simulated intercourse. That being the case, how could masturbation have one biological effect that god-fearing missionary position man-and-wife intercourse wouldn’t have? If the goodie-bits could somehow detect ones own hand and activate some kind of blindness/hairy palms/acne defense mechanism, why wouldn’t it just deactivate the orgasm reflex?

Surely you’d have to expect that if masturbation could actually cause blindness, via some kind of penile-ocular connection, there would have to be a significant risk of accidental blindness during pastor-approved sex.

I’m tellin’ you man, it’s that danged no-good Coriolis Effect again. Does strange things, that one.

@Malacandra

i accidentally a whole packet of q tips

I don’t quite understand WHAT did yo… waitwaitwait, you’re not getting me, I’ve seen this movie before.

[freckafree]

@billfish678

Just do it till you need glasses.

Why do you think everyone is wearing them by the time middle age hits?

I dont yet, so I guess I am still golden

I read this as, “Just do it until you fill a glass.”

I think I need to get my glasses adjusted.

[twickster]

@billfish678

Just do it till you need glasses.

Why do you think everyone is wearing them by the time middle age hits?

I dont yet, so I guess I am still golden

@freckafree

I read this as, “Just do it until you fill a glass.”

I think I need to get my glasses adjusted.

Q.E.D.

[sjc]

@wierdaaron

I realize this thread is a joke, but the false belief of yore that masturbation causes, well, anything is an utter failure of logic.

The reason masturbation works in the first place is that the body can’t tell whether it’s having real or simulated intercourse. That being the case, how could masturbation have one biological effect that god-fearing missionary position man-and-wife intercourse wouldn’t have? If the goodie-bits could somehow detect ones own hand and activate some kind of blindness/hairy palms/acne defense mechanism, why wouldn’t it just deactivate the orgasm reflex?

Surely you’d have to expect that if masturbation could actually cause blindness, via some kind of penile-ocular connection, there would have to be a significant risk of accidental blindness during pastor-approved sex.

My take on it is that either one can cause you to go blind, but masturbation will usually make it happen more quickly because you can do it more often. Note that I don’t actually believe this, but I think that many people who have problem with masturbation also consider sex a bit unwholesome too.

[Mangetout]

When you pushed the Q Tip in your ear, you should probably have stopped when you encountered resistance.