My daughter is 10 years old and in 5th grade. Her eating habits are starting to concern me. She skips meal frequently and eats only half-meals often. She is thin, but doesn’t look overly skinny or unhealthy. She is very into ballet, and takes 5 classes a week, but I know her teacher and don’t think she is getting strong ‘it’s good to be thin’ messages there.
She says she just doesn’t like most of the food I cook. She is picky and won’t eat anything that has a strong or unusual flavor, or that has an ingredient she doesn’t like. She won’t eat most of the things I cook on a normal day. She won’t touch my enchiladas, quiche, spaghetti, teriaki chicken, etc. She will eat plenty if it’s something she really likes, such as cheese pizza, but generally those are unhealthy things.
Yesterday she skipped breakfast, had only crackers and fruit leather for lunch, and ate a small helping of peas for dinner. I’m just afraid she is going towards an eating disorder, and I want to turn it around before we get there.
I have my own issues in the other direction, but multiple people in my family have eating disorders. My first comment is: Don’t make it an issue! Provide her with healthful food and a balanced diet. Help her to understand how a balanced diet provides her with energy, growth, strength, and energy throughout the day both for body and mind— but not in a sit down way, treat her like an adult, “I was reading the new recommendations in a NYTimes article about how the requirements for uncooked veggies, etc. is increasing.” Have her help you to plan her lunches if she doesn’t like what you make and use it as an organic way to discuss eating well. Make it an open discussion that you accept her opinions and she doesn’t hide her fears or concerns. I know this is really really difficult but you are starting early! Doctors during checkups are absolutely willing to discuss nuitrition and upcoming changes in nuitrition with patients.
All kids go through not hungry phases- my wife and I observe how much lunch comes home and it really does change on a weekly basis. So I do think you are overreacting. Keep an eye on it and work with her to make things she likes (within reason- we won’t do plain noodles 7 nights a week, but if our kids eat good protein and vegetables at their other meals we can do it more often) and I think it will pass when she is ready to grow again.
Eh she’s ten. Its something to be aware of but don’t harp on it. Encourage healthy eating but at this point its not necessary to push a certain volume. So be aware but don’t push. But be sure to have periodic check ups and tell the doctor your concern. Most likely its just a phase.
It’s not unusual for kids to be picky eaters. Is she snacking between meals? How long has this been going on?
Eating disorders (and related things, like cutting) are usually a symptom of other problems that may or may not be visible. Is she under a lot of stress in other areas of her life? Sometimes eating disorders are about control.
A professional is really the only one who can make a diagnosis. If you’re worried, it may be worth the peace of mind to get her checked out by someone who knows what to look for.
I know you don’t think she’s getting those messages from ballet, but my g/f was in ballet for many years, as was another friend. Both of them would tell you that there was a lot of pressure to be thin, especially as they got older. It’s not just for looks, either; you have to be light to pull off some things effectively.
So not my first hand experience, but when I saw ‘ballet’ alarms went off. I hope she’s ok and it’s just a ‘phase’.
Puberty is just starting to rear it’s head, and I don’t know if that is part of the problem. She’s more concerned about her looks and boys are getting more interesting. I don’t know if she’s wanting to be thin in order to be attractive.
She’s my 3rd child, so I’m not a novice at this. But the others are boys and we never had this come up with them.
Even if you don’t think she’s getting pressure from her ballet teacher, I would inquire with her about thinness pressure anyway - it may be coming from her peers.
If she’s old enough to be getting interested in boys, and old enough to be having puberty related stuff, she’s old enough to be developing an eating disorder, although slabs of cheese pizza doesn’t really suggest that.
Now, not to be a hag, but are you a decent cook? When I was growing up my mom made pot roasts that were cooked till they were like shoe leather, and casseroles with mystery ingredients - I didn’t eat much of what she made either.
Not that you have to cater to every eating whim of a 10 year old, but I think if there are things that she enjoys maybe increase their presence in the rotation, even if they’re not the healthiest options - you could always add a health side to the cheese pizza, for instance. The other thing to think about is that many kids that age start finding out about vegetarianism and she may be exploring that - maybe introduce some more veggie options into rotation (everything you listed seemed to have meat in it) and see what she does.
Anyway, I would be aware, but wouldn’t freak out just yet.
Has this just started? I presume her food tastes haven’t changed but it sounds like her eating has.
What I do not because my kids have eating issues but because it seems like they get junk food from everywhere is try to make sure that the food they eat at home (or that I pack for their lunch) is good for them.
Honestly, my kids and I have come to an agreement when it comes to food (I cook it, you eat it, I will try to make things you like most of the time but not all the time). If we didn’t have that agreement in place, I would sit down with her to plan meals that she is willling to eat. I wouldn’t mention the thin aspect but just that not eating isn’t good for her.
I am trying not to put on my opinionated harpy hat here but you let her leave the house without eating breakfast? Were you not there? Could you not even get a granola bar or banana or glass of milk into her? What did you say when she said she didn’t want anything?
My kid ate a ton of pizza at that age. I make it myself, there was always a slice to warm up. What’s wrong with pizza? It’s bread, cheese, tomatoes. Grate up some carrots, cabbage whatever on the side.
Get the ballet teacher into the act with a ‘You need GOOD energy to dance, not CRAP energy’ speech to help get the point across that energy has to come from somewhere, and that’s good food.
I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t reckon anyone who freely goes to town on some cheese pizza has an eating disorder. I often skipped meals my dad cooked because, gods bless him, I’d just rather not eat than his dinner.
She’s getting it from ballet. Get her into therapy, ASAP. This gets into brain chemistry, this is not the time to diet. Get professional assistance, do not do this alone.
Yes, this. Very much this. I’m sorry to say (and of course no one can say for sure) but, yes she is displaying some of the red flag behaviors of a budding eating disorder. She’s at the age for it (kids tend to chunk up before they grow in height, and puberty brings on curves that some girls find terrifying), she’s in a high risk hobby for it, she’s beginning to eat a very restricted and not nutritionally complete diet, and you need to intervene before it becomes a real issue.
I’d also suggest speaking with her ballet teacher first to find out what the culture of the school is around food. Unless (and maybe even if) your daughter is prima ballerina material, it’s not worth risking her health to keep her in a school that has ugly ideas about food, and far too many ballet schools do encourage the coffee and cigarettes diet in their dancers, even their young ones.
Then a doctor, who can plot her height and weight on a growth chart and compare her numbers to other girls her age. You should probably wait in the waiting room until the doctor calls you in, so the doctor has a fighting chance of getting some honest answers out of her about her feelings about food. The doctor will tell you if she thinks your daughter need professional mental health help.
I’d also ask for a referral to a nutritionist.
The hard part, of course, is intervening without “freaking out” and potentially making things worse. If she’s serious about ballet, I’d use that. Tell her you understand that ballet is very challenging, and you don’t know everything you should about cooking for an athlete. You’d like to go with her to a nutritionist so that you can learn more together about what and how much she should be eating to support her growth and her ballet. Make it about *you *being ignorant, not her.
While you’re at the nutritionist, take notes, be interested, and really do learn something. Then take an “urgent” phone call in the other room so she can talk to the nutritionist alone for a few minutes.
You know, ballet made my spidey sense tingle as well, but it seems she’s not indiscriminately rejecting food. It appears she’s rejecting certain foods and “will eat plenty if it’s something she really likes.” I’m sure if I were a parent I’d be very concerned, but I’d lay low for a while and keep an eye on it. Please keep in mind that I know nothing.
I agree that ballet is concerning. The teacher is not the only, or even the main, influence there. The timing is worrisome, too. Puberty can be tough on girls as their bodies change and begin to be viewed in a way they are not ready for. It’s not uncommon for eating disorders to reflect a desire to keep the comfortable, familiar childhood body. Bear in mind that anorexic people are not always extremely skinny, and they often have “safe” foods they eat, sometimes in great quantity.
I agree that panicking or making a huge issue of it can backfire. I’d keep an eye out, look for patterns, and try to let her make as many of her own choices as you can while keeping things healthful. Is she a high-achiever and/or prone to perfectionism? That can be a strong predisposing factor.
And even if you are a decent cook, it might be possible to modify what you are cooking in a way she will eat it. When my daughter was younger, we’d often have to leave leave off sauces or spices or cheese on her portion because she just would not eat it like that. Maybe she would like spaghetti and butter just fine, but hates tomato sauce.
Sounds like me at not just her age, but every age. I’m still like that. 43 years of eating that way has done me no harm whatsoever, so it’s not really a big deal, from my point of view. Find a few more things she likes to balance out the diet a little better, but don’t force her to eat something she truly doesn’t like.
I suspect I’m a supertaster, where foods taste different to me, usually more bitter and unpleasant, than they do to most others. Your daughter may have a similar affliction.
I don’t think you are over reacting. I have a friend who teaches middle school and its truly terrifying. Talk to her doctor. Check out the Emily Program.
That’s very common in eating disorders. We tend to associate binge eating with bulimia, but it can also happen with anorexia nervosa, and of course, binge eating disorder. It can also happen with orthorexia nervosa (a fixation on only ever eating “healthy” foods), and with younger people, the “healthy” foods aren’t always what you, I and a nutritionist would think of as healthy. She may view cheese pizza as particularly healthy at this point because it has grains, tomato and cheese without meat.
It can also be the sign of a *developing *eating disorder - the control of the other food is very symptomatic of excessive control and selectivity, but, I mean, she’s 10. Pizza is still pizza. People with eating disorders learn their control over time and gradually become more and more restrictive, in choices or quantity or visibility of food intake.
It’s also common in not eating disorders. I avoid food I don’t like too and opt for lots of what I do. I’m not saying eating issues are outside the realm of possibility, or even unlikely, just that skipping meals she doesn’t care for but happily eating lots of what she does doesn’t strike me as necessarily a problem. I’d keep my eyes open, see how she responds to different foods (instead of making the same things she’s already rejected), and proceed from there. I don’t automatically think there’s an issue, especially considering this sounds like behavior of mine when I was a kid. I can’t tell you how many times I didn’t eat dinner because I didn’t like it.
