A lot of people have shared pain, anguish, despair and frustration in these boards, as well as the more pleasant emotions. A lot of these threads have been about deeply personal things. I have read on occasion comments that newbies often share personal things before they realize that people actually read and remember what other poster shave said. (I know someone made this comment, which seemed slight disparaging to those who share personal things, but I cannot find who said it…it is not in either of the threads I thought it might be in.) I have also read posts of a personal nature by veterans of the board who talk about the “day on AOL”
What I would like to know is twofold. What do you think about threads of a deeply personal nature, both from reading and a posting perspective? The title of the board that seems most appropriate is Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share. But some of these threads are far from Mundane or Pointless. Of course some of the kinds or sharing I am talking about belongs in the BBQ pit, such as when a lot of anger is involved. Those of you, who have started such threads, were they actually helpful? And those who have not, do you feel that sometimes people share too much? I have a significant anniversary this week and I am thinking about starting a thread that may be cathartic, but I wanted people’s opinions on this.
Beltane, many people find that communicating their thoughts and feelings – whether positive or negative – can be immensely beneficial. I venture to say that this truth underlies a large portion of the benefit of therapy, and forms the basis for many friendships.
You have a significant date coming up which obviously affects you emotionally. Go ahead, talk to us about it.
I’ve found that sharing stuff on the SDMB has been remarkably therapeutic. I’ve made a lot of good friends on this board, and it’s always nice to be able to share personal triumphs and miseries here. I’ve also found I can take problems and get feedback.
As for what goes in which forum, read the board descriptions and if you still have a question, ask a mod.
Of course this thread made me think of the threads linked above. I read every single one of them just now and I can’t begin to describe how incredible it feels to be part of this group. I ended one of my posts in one of the threads
and I can’t say it much better than that. I am so proud to be a part of such a caring group.
In the above four threads there are hundreds of posts, some as simple as “{{{Silver Fire}}}”. Each one of them contributed to my sanity (and that’s no exaggeration) during that awful time.
Even today, almost a full year later, I can’t put into words how I feel about you guys and how much you helped me. I thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for all the kind words said, the encouragement, the advice. I’m still amazed by it all.
My mom recovered completely. She’s sitting behind me eating peanut butter cracker sandwiches. It’s hard to believe that I was so close to losing her, and all that seems like it happened a lifetime ago. I honestly don’t think I could have done it without you guys. So thanks again, although I still feel like that one simple word just simply isn’t enough.
I think that sharing on SDMB is very the therapeutic. There are many things that I may feel uncomfortable discussing IRL with friends however due to the anonymity I have here, I am able to talk about it.
Now, Since this is IMHO I will mention MHO about the following…if you disagree, that’s cool. I think that sharing MY personal personal things on the board is therapeutic and helpful however I HATE when people share personal info about their wives, or girlfriends etc. If the wife or husband wanted it shared they would get online and do it themselves. Anonymous or not, your girlfriends newly discovered genital warts are her and your business! If I posted that and my fiancee saw it she would be furious! I just think things shared between two people are too personal to share.
IME, certain types of “sharing” gets noticed more than others.
I have found it a little troublesome when I thought I was expressing something personal, and hoping to stimulate some conversation which would help me deal with it, and the topic dropped like a rock. Almost made me wish I had not invested myself into posting it in the first place.
As for myself, I’m still pretty much a newbie, but I have to say I’m very comfortable on this forum.
I’ve stayed pretty much away from internet chat rooms for years because I found so many people in the main public room to be obnoxious, annoying, just looking to find a “mark” to berate or scam, and overall they just do not comport themselves in intelligent, responsible ways.
In the SDMB, I rarely have seen people gettin up in arms about eachother, very little of people being rude to someone else, and when somebody has a problem or question, soooo many people genuinely want to help.
Sharing personal things is fine if that’s what helps you. But remember the SD is not a diary. I’ve seen a lot of good advice offered, but rarely is it taken. People pretty much know what they want to do before they post for advice. For support and such, the SD is a good place in those areas. If people don’t want to read a particular thread because it is too personal about someone else’s life for them then they can always skip over it. Also, dopers are pretty straightforward and to the point so sometimes there are hurt feelings after the dust has settled. If you post personal things, prepare yourself.
I would also say that it’s worth remembering a couple of other things:
Nothing you post to a message board is private. Post nothing here you would not put up in any other truly public forum, like an actual bulletin board in your own town. If you don’t want your parents/ coworkers/ boss/ significant other to know the intimate details of your personal life and personal problems, then it’s best not to post them publicly – here or anywhere else.
Sometimes silence can seem uncaring, when in fact it’s not. (The problem DINSDALE alluded to.) The fact is that we have had people post horrible problems here before and receive deluges of sympathy, only to discover later that the person was flat-out lying and the sob story was bullshit from beginning to end. So some of us don’t post to sympathy threads. Others just don’t feel close enough to people here to want to wade into their problems. Still others don’t come here for the “therapy” that some reasonably find so helpful – that’s just not what they want out of this message board. (And just as it’s fair that some do appreciate this aspect, it’s equally as fair tha some others do not.)
The nice people who will offer you sympathy or advice are not the only people reading your post. Not everyone here is nice, and not every forum here is as friendly as this one. It has also happened in the past that a poster will post some insecurity or problem, looking for and receiving sympathy and/or advice (and receiving it), only to later have some other poster fling that problem back in his/her face in the Pit. Such behavior is IMO reprensible, being the very definition of a low blow, but it happens.
For all these reasons, I rarely post details of my personal life or problems on the Board, and I never post anything intimate that I wouldn’t want, say, my mother to read.
I admire those who share with an open heart here on the Board, in part because I’ve chosen not to. And I 'm not encouraging anyone else not to do it, but I think we should keep in mind the nature and limitations of the forum. My two cents.
Thank you for all of your responses. I * have* posted the thread I was thinking about. I (believe it or not) pared it down quite a bit. I tried not to reveal too much about thing people. There is certainly some there, but I could not explain my own sense of guilt without it.
I would post a link, but I have just realized I posted to the wrong forum. Hopefully, Arnold Winkelried, will be willing to move the thread for me, as I posted it to the column that is under his Aegis.
A lot of it is therapy, a need to vent. I don’t have a large network of friends here where I life yet, and occasionally, something is bugging me so much, and I have to get it off my mind, I have to say SOMETHING. This, posting to this board.