Weird SDMB realization of sorts (LONG)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Hey there,

I’ll be honest here. Sometimes, when I see people post huge things about how they are in emotional pain or in the doldrums, I get frustrated reading them. And when I see the huge response and support that they get, I have wondered how people are so patient and caring to take the time to respond in the way they do. I just think in my head, “Why are these people telling complete strangers all this stuff? Why aren’t they telling their friends?” I read a post recently, I think Guinistasia’s about her feeling that her life sucks and someone responded with how we should understand that there are real people behind these screen names, and I was really struck with something. (I’ll mention now that I typed up a huge response to offer some support and then my computer locked up and I lost it - so Guinistasia, know that I’m sending you my best.)

I’m not really someone who has ever posted about my …problems, I suppose, is the word. Well, on Monday (yesterday), I was in the pits, completely depressed and down as I have been for about a week. I’m going through some stuff right now which is more painful that I could have imagined. I think I cried for the first time today in a year. My apartment was a complete hell hole and I was even more depressed just looking at it. So I did something I had never really done before. ** I posted and asked for help. **

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=98589
I didn’t want to discuss what was bothering me and I didn’t want to be analyzed. I just wanted my apartment clean and I was so miserable, I just couldn’t do it. So I flat out said I was blue and needed the motivation. I’ll be damned. People posted and helped me get going. And in a few hours, my apartment looked a hell of a lot better.

Here’s my weird realization. I felt really good that people cared enough to even bother posting to get my ass into gear to clean. I was shocked at how much better I felt. Each time I went back to the screen and saw a new post, I felt better. About cleaning my apartment, of all things. And at that moment, it was exactly what I needed. My friends all know why I’m blue and I know they care very much for me. But it was this sort of unexpected response from the board that meant a lot to me. I told a few of my friends about it and they all said (in their own way), “Wow…that’s pretty cool that these total strangers got you out of that pit.” And then WeirdDave, who I have only met once at a DopeFest, even called to make sure I was okay. What a guy. Shame he’s not a lesbian.

Okay, I know I have a point here somewhere. My point…is that I think I have a better understanding of people who come to the boards and tell why they are hurting. It isn’t really my style but wow, do I understand now. It helps. So…thank you. Thank you guys for helping me out. Cause man, have I been in the dumps lately and I think I’m going to be for a few weeks.

So thank you, board, for making me feel better. Thank you for helping me understand about the people behind the screen names and be a more understanding person about when others are in pain. It’s a weird realization and not really one I’m proud of having taken this long - but thank you.

Tibs.

2

I second that!

Redboss

3

I’m with you Tib - I too was surprised recently at how much a few thinking-of-you comments from friends helps. It really does make a difference. I don’t necessarily mean that everyone should go out and post happy fluffies for everyone who’s had a bad day, but if it’s someone you like then dropping in with a quick word is almost always appreciated. Sometimes just knowing someone else is awake and alive in the world is enough.

Fran

4

It really is amazing how much getting those posts and notes from people on the boards helps. I think we tend to take support from IRL friends a bit for granted, so getting it from “strangers” (I put that in quotes because we’re not really strangers, given all that we share about ourselves here) is really touching beyond words. I’ve been very pleasantly surprised in the past to find how many people had noticed me that I wasn’t even aware of. This is such an unusual online community, with the very real connections we make with one another, most of us see other members as more than words on a screen but real live human beings, which is of course what we are.

And that Dave is a mensch, isn’t he? Whatta guy.

5

I want to report on something wonderful too. I’ve been too busy thus far to send her the kind of heartfelt personal thanks she deserves, so I’ll start here on the boards.

Someone on these boards, someone I have never met or talked with, sent me some candy. Out of the blue. Why? Because she read me posting that I liked it and couldn’t get it. And also to continue with the sense of community she felt when Dopers wrote her (a New Yorker) notes after the 9/11 tragedy.

I was so awed by this. I’d just had a great day with other Dopers (Chick Dope) and was a bit bummed to come home. Not just because I had to leave ChickDope before the fun was over, but also because that morning I’d gotten a cranky-ass email from my advisor about my dissertation’s many flaws. I’d spent all day avoiding thinking about it, but coming home meant I was going to have to deal with that email. But what should happen but I find a box, addressed to me, with this candy and a little note. It was such a pick-me-up. I made my husband read the note, I was so impressed.

That was from delphica. It has been a less-than-stellar week, but every morning I swipe a piece of this candy and think about what wonderful, giving, caring people Dopers are. I love their humor and wit and informativeness–but it’s even better knowing that under all that is also a pretty tight community of caring, generous souls. Delphica being a prime example.

I could go further about the relationships I’m developing with Michigan Dopers, but then I’d really get sentimental…

6

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one that feels this way, but after having met a Doper IRL, it seems almost like they become a normal, day-to-day, friend. What I mean is, I see them almost every day online in one way or another (the Board, #sd, LJ) so even though we might have met once, twice or, in the ChiDopers case, almost half a dozen times, it sees we are keeping in touch quite regularly.

I mention this because when things happen: sharing of secrets, forming of relationships, giving support (much needed or just “How are you?”), I find I am less and less surprised. I’ve described this by saying “We’re friends that have known each other for a long time, but we just rarely get to see each other.”

Now I know this doesn’t apply for everyone, I know many people haven’t met those they are giving support, kind words, or encouragement to or developing feelings for, but I certainly understand it. By one manner of thinking, many of us spend many more hours “with” each other every day than we do with virtually anyone else.

My $0.02. YMMV

7

I believe thinky has stated it more eloquently than I could have. After going to several L.A. dopefests, I’ve actually have formed friendships through the board. Heck, I even had some dopers show up at my birthday party last month (I love you Shayna, SPOOFE, Monster104 & Mercutio… oh, you too, pricciar even though you couldn’t make it last minute :p).

I have to say that this board is certainly a wonderful community, and it still amazes me the connections that many of us have made through it.

8

Something else to remember is that a lot of lurkers (like myself) send strength, or good thoughts without posting. Most often the conversations are between people with high post counts who probably know each other well and you don’t just want to “butt in”, but the thoughts are there. I’ve felt the same way as Tiburon about not wanting to air my own problems, particularly when I’m not in a state to receive criticism well.

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But…But…BUT I AM! I like women! Lots of women, only women, different women! I’m a lesbian, I swear I a…What’s that?..INTERNAL sex organs?..But I got this big thing here…I see…Uh-huh…uh-huh…Tongues, huh? I do that too…Oh, it dosen’t matter…OK…OK…Gotcha.
Damn! :mad:

Glad I could help, Tibs. You got my number too, y’know, use it any time.

ALL TOGETHER NOW!
Tibs is tops!
Tibs is tops!
Tibs is tops!
Tibs is tops!

:smiley:

[sub] Hon, you know how many times I’ve said "Damn! If only that Tiburon was straight!!! :wink: [/sub]

10

Thank you for the warm words, Dave. Don’t lose all hope. My girlfriend and I may need a sperm donor. (May! That kills me…like we may decide to make the baby SANS sperm…)

Tibs.

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<Tibs lesbian husband stops by…>

Wha…?!

12

Well, it’s not like we’re gonna make a baby the old fashioned way. Now don’t get all excited, this won’t be happening for a while yet and we still have things to figure out about it all.

But since neither of us is creating the little fellas, someone else will be called into action. Turkey baster method, folks.

Tibs.

13

There’s a reason why some of us have such high post counts, and I think you’ve figured it out, Tib.

This place is just so damn wonderful that some of us will just never leave. :smiley:

I’ve made more friends here (friends, not just people on a message board) than I’ve ever made in my life, I think. Some of them I’ve met, some of them I haven’t. But they’re all friends.

And they do things for you, like call you when you’re bummed, or send candy, or just think happy thoughts for you when you need them most.

Another cool thing about this board is that if you’ve got a problem, regardless of what that problem is, someone on this board has been through it. Car belching fire and shimmying when it hits 23 mph? Yep, someone else has been there, and knows what to do. SO stomped on your heart, stole your money, then kicked your puppy before giving you the boot as well? Uh-huh. Someone (hell, most of us, I think) have been there. Weird purple fungus growing out of your left ear? Never seen that one myself, but I’m certain someone else here has.

I love this place. :smiley:

[sub]and best of luck on the little one, Tib! :D[/sub]

14

Leaping at the traces, chomping at the bit

The old fashioned way, right? RIGHT???

Awwwwww, FUCK!!! ;);):wink:
-Weirddave, warming up his specimen cup…

15

A very recent event had several Dopers offering me their assistance. Thank you, again. And Mr. Rilch says thank you also, since it benefits him.