In a high school chemistry class, I heard a guy behind me say, “these mints taste like feet.”
I have an MP3 file of Howard Stern quoting Mister Rogers:
“Mr. McPheeny came over here last night and asked if he could do something fun for me, a kind of secret, he said.”
“Do you have a special something that you take to bed with you? Does it help you to go to sleep when you hold your special something?”
“I’ll show you what’s going to fit in that hole - It’s in my pocket here.”
A long time ago…
I had just bought a new Jeep and I was inviting a girl at work to take a ride in it.
She said, “Ohhh, if you take your top off, I’ll stand up and wave my arms around and scream.”
To which I replied, “Funny, I was just about to say the same thing to you.”
I once read, handwritten on the edge of a “Rolling Stone” magazine:
“Underarms are wet, think washing-machine agitator”
I must’ve read it 12 years ago, but I still puzzle over the meaning.
About ten years ago I was in a lobby when the elevator opened and two women stepped out. One of them was saying to the other, " . . . Thank goodness I’m usually unconscious when it happens!"
Like Eohippus, I have been puzzled ever since.
Cool!
This site looks like the Elephant Graveyard of sigs! Maybe I’ll finally find one I like.
Once at the dining hall in college, there was a lull in the conversation at my table & we distinctly heard someone at the next table over saying, “Lick my butthole, please.” They said it in exaclty the same tone of voice as if they’d said “Pass the salt, please.” Not a hint of agitation, just like it was a normal request. I’m still puzzling over what the lead-in could possibly have been.
My WAG: Person was writing a note to someone else saying that the underarms of the shirt they just had washed/dried were still wet, and they blame the agitator. :: shrug ::
Perhaps the lead-in was, “Only if you say,‘please’.” 
Nope, Danth, 'cause I knew who wrote it: he did it while my brother and I sat stupefied on acid, and I read it when I got my wits back. He was dry as a bone, but had been knocked off the PhD program at Johns Hopkins a month before and suffered a nervous breakdown. He was kind of loopy, and I didn’t think I should pursue the issue w/ him at the time.
Never saw him again after that day…
Shopping at Fry’s; pass two women, one of whom says “I only left him because he went to the police.”
I really wanted to stop and ask them to start over.
Near where I live there’s a huge iron footbridge passing over a railway line. It’s very old. Still used, but not very much.
In the vicinity one day, I’m passing two women walking down the street, one of whom has noticed that someone is actually walking across said bridge.
Woman to friend: “Oh look. I’ve never seen anyone use it before. Well, not as a bridge”.
Not as a bridge? I’ve always wanted to know what she meant by that.
featherlou wrote:
Hmmm … terminated … autopay … the company wouldn’t happen to have been Dynamix, Inc. (a subsiduary of Sierra games), would it?
Well, just today at work someone was going taking orders for anyone who wanted to get lunch from the local Roly Poly (a rolled sandwich shop for those unfamiliar…)
Anyway, as I hurried down the hall in order to take some tickets from some customers, I yelled out, I want a ‘Hot Honey’!
Well, I mean, it was true. In a couple ways. Just not something to yell out in a children’s museum. At least it wasn’t crowded.
drewbert: Along the same lines, there’s a chicken joint around the corner from my office that also sells salads and pita-bread “sandwiches”. One of their popular sandwiches is Jamaican jerked chicken, which the register clerks order from the cooks – at the top of their lungs as this place is always packed – as “JAMAICAN JERK!”
I’m just waiting for the day when a Jamaican comes in for a meal… 
Nope, no relation. Any reason for your query?
This makes me laugh just thinking about it.
For the past three and a half years, my crew of friends at school have kept a log of odd things that we say. Seeing how this group started freshman year with five guys and five girls, and progressed to the grand total of eighteen in my senior year, thisngs just get progressively more and more out of hand. This list spans over thirty pages of word documents. Aye, it is impressive, and rather disconcerting at times. Here a few of my faves; I’m removing names to protect the ::ahem:: innocent:
*If I’m going to lay spread-eagled on something, I guess I should at least know its gas mileage.
They all run together. It’s all one long day in which I take many naps.
I don’t want to be gone for good. I want to be gone for bad. Or at least slightly naughty.
(One for the geeks)
Doesn’t Schrodinger look like Slugworth from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? –
All the more reason to think he’s the devil. –
Am I going to get scurvy tonight? – E
You can’t get scurvy in one night! It takes like six months! – J
Well, hot damn! – E*
Yeah… I think I’m going to have to take one of the hundreds of these quotes for my sig…
And yes, my friends are quite insane. I like them like that.
~Mag
A place I used to work had a quote board for odd sentences taken out of context. One perennial favorite was:
“I put it in a glass between my legs and eat it on the way to work.”
But my personal favorite was this exchange:
1st worker:“I’d have to be a vegetarian before I could become a cannibal, but I don’t eat that much meat anyway.”
2nd worker:“I made that oven-fried chicken with Bisquik last night, it came out pretty good.”