In answer to the OP, I suppose the term will sometimes make me curious, but not always. “Partner” is one of a number of terms I use to describe the heterosexual relationship I have with the woman I am dating now. I tend to use it more with her than I do in conversation about her with other people, I suppose, but I have used it in both contexts.
I am not in any way speaking universally, here, but most of the gay friends I have (and I have a few) are not interested in being isolated from everyone else by being the only group of people who have partners. I’d really prefer that everyone had access to all of the terms for a romantic connection out there, rather than saying we need to reserve Term X for Group A.
One other thing that sorta confused my aged brain was that they were blending families w/ multiple kids. We talk a bunch about her kids, who share my interests in aquaria and old cars.
Well, we’re married now and have been for some time. But thanks for playing.
That may have been what you were talking about, but you should understand that the meanings of words change and evolve over time. You should also understand that people will come up with different words to describe different relationships of different significances. It makes sense to use different words to describe a relationship between 1. mature people who have been cohabiting for a significant period of time and 2. teenagers who have gone to the movies together twice.
Whoo, boy, you really zinged me there. Frankly, I don’t really care whether it’s your uncle or your boyfriend’s uncle. As far as I’m concerned, he seriously need to untwist his gotch, because no gay person I know gives two shits about whether happily coupled heteros call themselves “partners”.
San Francisco has much bigger fish to fry in their little nanny state than terms of referring to romantic others.
Hmm, it seems most of these requirements in the 9 states that still recognize common law marriage (many others recognize ones that were started in the 90’s) are that they call themselves married and tell others they’re married. None of the dozens of co-habitating couples I know do that, nor to any referenced in the thread appear to. They’re using the “partner” term. Cite: Common Law Married Fact Sheet.
ETA:
I don’t care that you’re married. I was using “you” as generalized, as everyone else in this thread was but you (see, now I’m referring to just you) apparently.
I’m glad you saw your now-spouse as “more than a boyfriend or girlfriend” and that you felt your deepest, most intimate feelings were greater than teenagers. But just because you wanted the world to recognize the two of you as “more” than boyfriend and girlfriend doesn’t mean you actually were.
Do you or your uncle take the same approach to the word “married”, and say that it’s the word for serious straight couples, it’s their word, and gay couples should find a different word?
How is this functionally different from the argument that the term “marriage” belongs to straight people, and that gays shouldn’t be allowed to use it?
On a semi-related note to the OP, is anyone else bothered by the habit of heterosexual women referring to their platonic female friends as their “girlfriends?”
I’m obviously strictly speaking from a US standpoint, and not any country that allows gay marriage across the boards. Because gay marriage is outlawed in 99% of the US, “partner” is traditionally the term used for serious gay couples. It’s ridiculous to steal the word for hetero couples’ usage. Hetero couples have tons of words to describe their relationships and their various stages. The entire reason **Dinsdale **started the thread is because he was unsure - and he shouldn’t have been! Why make people try hard to figure out what you are?
If your response is “I don’t care what others think, la la la” then don’t expect them to use your term of reference to your romantic other.
Once gay couples have the right to marry across the board in the US, this entire discussion will be moot.
ETA: Yes, that is a bother. I don’t refer to my female friends as “girlfriends”. That’s just odd. I don’t go to the movies with my girlfriends, I go to the movies with my friends. Often an amalgamation of genders, but if not, they’re still my friends. If I went to a diner with a bunch of guy friends, I’d never say “I went to a restaurant with my boyfriends”.
I agree with this, mostly. To me (25, British) “partner” just means “person in my ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP slot at the moment”. Unlike some people in this thread, I’m in favour of having ambiguous words to refer to romantic partners because I don’t think it’s necessarily anyone’s business what kind of relationship you are in and who you are in it with. If someone wants to say “husband” they’ll say “husband”. If someone wants to be vague that’s their right and it’s good etiquette to have a word to use in that case, IMO.
I don’t get the “heterosexual people are co-opting the word” argument at all. I’ve heard it in hetero contexts much more than I have in queer contexts. That may be a US/UK thing, though.
No, not at all. It’s usually pretty clear from the context (“So my girlfriends and I were at the races on Saturday and this cute guy offers to buy Melissa a drink…”)
As for the OP, when I hear “Partner”, my first thought is usually “same-sex couple” if it’s a man speaking, or “heterosexual couple” if it’s a woman.
Because more than once, I’ve heard a woman I’m interested in mention a girlfriend, and I can’t tell if that means she’s already in a relationship, or just watches too much Sex in the City.
When I hear “partner” referring to a non-business relationship, my default assumption is a gay relationship, however, it depends on the person using it and the circumstances. It does make me think about it. I could not care less, other than wanting to be correct about the meaning and not just make an assumption. For point of reference, I’m 51, in the US, and the word partner was not used to describe a romantic/sexual relationship when I was growing up, so it may stand out more to me.
On the other hand, I’m still at a loss as to what word to use to refer to my relationship. As much as a certain poster may think she has the lock on what words everyone can use, I won’t use the word “boyfriend”. The man I’ve been involved with for 7 years and have lived with for half that time, is not a boy, at least chronologically speaking. I won’t comment on his maturity level. But nevertheless, he is not a boy and I’m not 16 and I do not have a “boyfriend”, thank you very much. We’re adults, with grandchildren, and houses and big people stuff. So I most often refer to him by name and people can figure out that I’m talking about someone with whom I’m in a committed relationship. Sometimes I’ll use “significant other” and less often “partner” because a conversation will force an identification of some kind. I’ve also used “the guy I live with” and other ridiculously lengthy and unwieldy things. There’s really no good term I’ve yet heard that works well for me. Manfriend? Nah. Guyfriend? Nah. I don’t know. Spousal Unit is one I’ve used lately, but since we’re not legally married, I guess it’s not really accurate. Although, I guess I could just solve it all by getting married, which apparently I’m afraid to do or something or I’m not really in a serious relationship because I’m not married, I just think I am. Who knew? Oh, apparently, LindsayBluth, definer of all relationships did. Silly me.
So go ahead and do what you would do if she never made such a reference in the first place. (I’ll ignore the Sex in the City reference since I’ve never seen it.)
Generally speaking, in NZ if a same- or opposite-sex couple who are 18 or older live together for 3 or more years and share a residence and finances then they are considered to be in a de facto relationship which shares most – possibly all now – of the rights and responsibilities with both kinds of marriage (Marriage Act 1995, Civil Unions 2004). No specific actions are needed to end a de facto relationship either, but property will generally get divided up just like matrimonial property. (It gets a lot more fuzzy that that, but IANAL…).
Anyway… you are obviously entitled to your opinion on the use of “Partner”, and while I disagree with you it’s no reason for me to be impolite. I was just hoping to show that sometimes / someplaces things are a bit more nuanced and that perhaps the traditional hetero-relationship terms can’t quite cut it.
It’s also most often women who want to define it as “more” and therefore use the term “partner”… Salem, if he asked you to marry you, would you say yes? Answer it honestly.
If the answer is yes, you’re just trying to dress up the term “boyfriend”.
Apollyon, the board is very US centric, so my apologies. Actually you jogged my memory - an old roommate of mine lived in NZ for 5 years. I remember him using the term partner as well.
You are making assumptions all over the place, both about the status of people’s relationships and my intent in speaking. I’m not trying to dress anything up. I’m trying to find a word that accurately describes my relationship at this point in my life, and “boyfriend” is not it. You can say it is all you want and make some bizarre assumption about whether I want to be married or don’t want to be or whatever. Adults don’t define relationships in that way. There are many types of relationships and people can define their own. If I had a boyfriend, I’d be a cougar, or a pedophile. I’m neither.
You are obviously young. You’ll get over it eventually.
I was just hoping to show that sometimes / someplaces things are a bit more nuanced and that perhaps the traditional hetero-relationship terms can’t quite cut it.